9 year old threw tantrum over uniform skirt!

amother

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 12:46 pm

So I purchased new uniforms and 9 year old threw tantrum this morning that her skirt is too long and too big! I tried explaining to her that we tried on many skirts in the store and this one fit her best but she was carrying on and turned over the whole house! What a way to start school on the first day! I was going crazy, my other kids were crying and trying to help her and was such a turmoil!
She had another pretty summer dress that she also refused to wear bec it was "too long". This was after I had someone shorten it so was right below her knees.
What am I supposed to do with her???

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:17 pm

Oh my! She probably goes to the same school as my daughter!! My daughter is 7 and complained that her skirt is too long. I tried to explain to her that Morah B. Doesn't allow shorter, but she insists that "everyone" wears it shorter...

ra_mom

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:19 pm

The tantrum was self consciousness coming out, her worry about her place in school and the world and her anxiety about being well liked and how others will perceive her.

Show her empathy. Tell her you see that she's really worried that her skirt is longer and bigger than the other girls in class. And you understand her because when you were her age you also really wanted to fit it and you were worried about _____.

If you see that she's still having a hard time with the fit in a week, spend the money and have the skirt altered. Sometimes we just have to pick our battles.

mha3484

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:22 pm

ra_mom wrote:

This. You said it much better then I did.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:27 pm

Does she understand that wearing shorter skirts is not something that a bas isroel should aspire to?

"Everybody else does" is the oldest complaint in the book, but not one that should be indulged if it doesn't meet your values, or the school standards.

If everyone in her class wears purple shoes with glitter on them, that's one thing. Get her the shoes. I don't think skirt length should be negotiable.

amother

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:31 pm

That's exactly what I tried explaining to her a couple of times that this is the length we wear and this is the length the school requires but she said no one else listens and is embarrassed of her length. It really bothers me as it's something I'm very makpid on but want my child to be happy.

little neshamala

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I believe it's a peer pressure thing where she feels everyone else wears shorter.

Then I dont blame her for a second. Im not at all saying you should give in and shorten the skirt, but I am saying I totally understand how she feels. Her panicky feelings about being a social loser translated into a desperate attempt at "saving her life". To an insecure 9 year old, being a social misfit is definitely worth tantrumming over, if she feels she has no other choice.

Definitely offer her empathy at the very least.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:42 pm

I had this with my daughter this morning too. Last year she wore a skirt that was just covering her knees. She claimed that only the nerds wore longer skirts. Since she struggles academically and tries so hard to fit in and not be different I let it go. This school year there was no way she could have worn that short skirt. We bought 2 new uniform skirts in a size bigger. She was beside herself this morning and kept telling me that she looks terrible. She really didn’t look terrible at all but she wouldn’t believe me! When we walked to the bustop I saw that other girls were wearing their skirts same length. I hope she’ll realize that she really looks fine by the time she comes home. I think part of the problem is that she was feeling all stiff in her new shoes, uniform, briefcase, new haircut and just being nervous about the first day of school!
Op, if your daughter is still complaining bitterly about the length of her skirt just tell her that it’s possible to shorten when there’s time. It’s possible she’ll be okay when she sees what the others are wearing.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:52 pm

Because uniform skirts are otherwise identical, the pressure to wear one in perfect condition and at the perfect length is much stronger than pressure about regular clothes.

ddmom

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 8:18 pm

Unfortunately the pressure to wear shorter and shorter is very real, just look around you! It's for kids and adults alike, uniforms weekday and shabbos wear! And you can be shopping in Jewish stores and it will still be there!
And " duddy lenght is nerdy!" Who exactly decided that? Sad

It's really sad!

behappy2

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 8:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Call some mothers and find out. If nobody follows the rule then I wouldn't make her wear a longer skirt. If you feel uncomfortable call the hanhala and ask that if they have a rule they should reinforce it or drop it.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 10:09 pm

ddmom wrote:

It's really sad!

It's a very difficult pressure to deal with for a young girl, though.

Personally, I think I'd hem the skirt unless she was going for something that's actually above the knee.

Take a stand for halacha, but not for chumros.

keym

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 10:13 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

You would hem a uniform skirt shorter than the school rules?
I've said this before. To me it's not halacha, chumra, or anything like that. The school has a rule hems until wherever. And I consider it extremely disrespectful and teaching girls tremendous chutzpa to just go against school rules.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Sep 05 2019, 10:19 pm

keym wrote:

I am a teacher. When enforcing school rules, I always differentiate between the ones that the administrators enforce and the ones that they do not. So if there's a rule that students can't wear earrings past a certain length, and I've never seen that rule enforced, I'm not going to be more machmir than the powers that be.

If all the girls have skirts at a certain length, then clearly this school rule is not being enforced.

I went to a high school with full-length uniform skirts. They told us that our skirts must be above the ankle and shouldn't sweep the floor. I think I was the only nerd who had the C-length skirt instead of the D-length, and that's because I'm clumsy and didn't want to trip.

If they're not enforcing a rule, I don't consider it breaking a rule. I'm sorry, but that's true across the board in life.