Shul only has Cholent at Kiddush if Sponsored - tacky?

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 2:47 pm

No shul I've been to has a kiddush every week unless it's a relatively OOT location. Or Chabad. And certainly if it's coming out of the shul's purse, and shuls are organizations that are often low on money, a chulent is something expensive for them to fund every week for a couple dozen people. That money is better spent keeping the lights on. Quite frankly, having a kiddush every week only encourages people to come for the kiddush and not the davening.

OP, have you not heard stories from the older generations how they considered themselves lucky if they had herring at a kiddush? Chulent and kugel were almost unheard of - generally it was some cake, maybe dry kichel, and a bit of schnapps.

If you want chulent, have it at home. Or be the one to sponsor the kiddush the week you want it. It's not infantilizing - it's smart budgeting.

meme6

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 2:52 pm

My husband only has herring and chulent in shul when someone is making a simcha and I actually don’t appreciate it at all since I make a full meal for the family and he’s stuffed. So I would be for no chulent why would it be needed weekly

watergirl

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 2:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

A lot of people at our shul make the kiddush basically their lunch. A nice kiddush allows people to stay and socialize; food brings people together.

You said this particular show has a kiddush every week, just not a weekly cholent. ANY food would encourage people to stay and socialize, not just one with cholent. I’m confused. Also, from the sound of your posts, it sounds like you asked people in the shul you visited what their kiddush policy is and what is their weekly norm. With all due respect, that’s a little strange for a visitor to ask.

You also mentioned that the cholent itself at this particular shul was disappointing. I’m wondering what it is about this issue that seems to be bothering you so much. Could it be that you were visiting the community and had not made plans for your family for lunch because you assumed the shul would have a kiddush that you were used to? Were you left without lunch this particular week?

amother

Orange

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 3:33 pm

We live OOT and our shul has a weekly kiddush with 2 cholent, more if there is a simcha or special speaker etc. HOWEVER we are a Kiruv community and the kiddush is part of the kiruv component (although it does help create a sense of achdus among the regulars). One of the reasons that we are able to do this weekly is that volunteers take turns making cholent every week. So each time it’s 2 different families making cholent. Kiddush sponsorship is $250 for a basic spread, sponsor is welcome to provide more if they’d like. That fee barely covers (maybe) the cost of the cleaning crew motzei shabbos, forget the basic cakes cookies fruit and grape juice and paper goods.

But we know this isn’t the norm to provide a community kiddush with cholent weekly.

Like PP said, I don’t want my membership dues going to pay for kiddush, I want it to go to paying the rabbi salaries, rent, programming etc.

baby12x

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 3:34 pm

I would be annoyed if my shul raised dues to pay for a kiddush with cholent every week.

We have so many monetary obligations. We keep on talking about how we need to deal with less and lower standards.

We certainly don't need to raise membership dues to have cholent.

If you want cholent, sponsor it yourself.

amother

Orange

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 3:34 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

I forgot to mention that most of the frum regulars don’t eat much of the cholent if at all since we are all going home for the shabbos seuda but for many non frum people this is their shabbos afternoon experience which is a big part of why our kiruv shul does this.

notshanarishona

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 3:47 pm

I don't understand the question. A shul catering to a wealthier clientele presumably has a nicer building , security, child care , programming, staff salaries ,and many other costs that they use the membership fee for . I have yet to see a shul with extra money they don't know what to do with . It's very typical to base the kiddush on the amount of money people sponser so the shul doesn't lose money weekly on it . There are more important services to offer .

ora_43

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 4:08 pm

I get the question. For someone who's used to a different way, it could feel like the shul isn't prioritizing socializing.

And if you don't realize the costs involved, it could even feel petty.

But I think the main answer, OP, is that - like a couple people have said - cholent is actually pretty expensive. The ingredients are cheap, but hiring someone to make it isn't. It makes sense that the shul would let cholent-purchasing be a choice people make, not a mandatory fee. Even at a wealthy shul (a $2,000 membership fee is still better than, say, $2,070).

Plus, it makes sponsoring kiddush a special thing.

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 4:20 pm

I always thought the nice kiddish our shul puts out is just because it’s a Kiruv shul and we get a lot of people who don’t go home to their own Shabbat table. We stopped eating at kiddish in 2006 when we moved across the street from the shul. Who can eat a whole plate and then go home to lunch? Sincerely.

amother

Coral

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 4:25 pm

My shul caters to some fairly wealthy clientele. It's on the small side, with almost no bells and whistles. Most of the wealthy people pay the shul's mortgage and buy siddurim and sefarim, support their kids' schools, support multiple marrieds, etc. We do have chulent weekly because one member decided to support it. A different member sponsors weekly shaleshudis, and someone else sponsors the baked things at kiddush.

I have been to two settings where kiddush was a weekly meal. A) Chabad in small Jewish communities. B) Miami Beach, where a good portion of the mispallelim are guests who are vacationing.

naturalmom5

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 4:54 pm

My husband and his overweight friendds would throw a royal fit, what no cholent...

But really, if BH you all have what to eat at home. How healthy is it to stuff your face in shul and then eat a big meal at home

icedcoffee

Sun, Dec 08 2019, 5:08 pm

So interesting to see how places vary. When I moved to my neighborhood, I was surprised (happily!) at how lavish the weekly kiddushes were. My husband and I found that after kiddush we were never even hungry enough to eat lunch at home, so eventually I stopped cooking and that just became our lunch. Our friends all say they do the same thing. There are 3-4 shuls I rotate between and people always hang out for a while and eat and shmooze. It's a really nice environment to catch up with friends and socialize. Yes, of course we could always host meals (and still do on Friday nights), but it's different being able to mingle with people and meet new couples.

That said, I would never decide on a neighborhood because of this and I certainly wouldn't call it tacky. But if it's what you've always encountered, I can see where it might feel like the socializing at this shul is different than what you're used to.