Can't afford teacher gifts

amother

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 1:33 pm

If I were to give to each teacher, we would have more than 20 people to give to! When I get emails from other parents who are collecting I just simply don't respond. I'm hoping to find some thank you cards in my house to fill out and send in that has no money attached. I might be doing emails for a lot of teachers too. We're really trying to watch what we spend and we deny ourselves many things and this is going to have to be enough. Thoughts?

amother

Natural

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 1:57 pm

Totally understand you. We are in a similar position and I resent the school asking for gifts for the teachers/staff. We struggle to pay tuition. I deny myself a lot. oh, I need new shoes as I resort to wearing sneakers as my others have holes. Even on shabbos. My sweatshirt just got a hole in it. I don't buy myself coffee, get manicures, get my sheitel washed- I wear a hat so I don't have to. I don't pay for trips etc for my kids. I didn't buy Chanukah gifts for my kids but they will get from relatives and I have something stored from a past sale in a better month to give for a birthday coming up.

I work full time. I have a degree. I work just as hard as my kids teachers but don't get paid that much. Teachers make more when you account for hours working, time off, bonuses, special discounts because they are teachers etc.

And now they want large cash gifts? Because $10 is too shabby and doesnt show we appreciate them. But 10x 10 staff (when you include therapists, assistants etc) is $100. Do they know how much that means to me? That's real money! And they want more than that per staff.... Argh!!!

This is why I am against gifts to teachers. Because it is not a level playing field and now some teachers will naturally feel more inclined towards certain kids. And if you say the teacher isn't biased over a kid whose parents gave $50 vs the kid who gave nothing- there is a reason the Torah said judges had to be rich. Everyone can be biased, even great gedolim.
Public schools have rules about gifts. Therapists have rules about gifts. Our schools need them too.

amother

Natural

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:00 pm

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

Everytime these this comes up here the teachers on this board will post that what is most meaningful to them is the sentiment.

That's what they say but then you get the posts about people who receive gifts and aren't grateful, people who complain about what they did give, people who are shocked they didnt get more, "why am I not appreciated" etc.

Yeah a note is nice. But people feel different about gifts and cash. It changes people.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:07 pm

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

Are you referring to posts by teachers?

chillax

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:07 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

I am a class mother. You can send in any amount, even $3, and be part of the class gift to the teacher.

Not the OP, but I was also wondering how they would feel if I were to ask if I could give less and still be part of it. I chickened out and just gave what they were asking. Some were $8, $12, $15, $25...

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:12 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

I am a class mother. You can send in any amount, even $3, and be part of the class gift to the teacher.

Unsolicited opinion - Sign the class gift card "from the class" - regardless to who contributed.

Assume that people who don't contribute, can't rather than being stingy. On my time on the planet I've observed that most people "do the right thing".

groovy1224

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Of course a card is enough. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Teachers are human too. They have bills and mortgages and compare prices on groceries just like the rest of us. They understand. Of course they appreciate a nice gift (who wouldn't?) but a note expressing your gratitude is very nice.

Any teacher that will look down on your or treat your child less because you didn't pay up does not belong in a classroom.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:28 pm

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

That's exactly what we do. We get a pretty printed card.

I just stated that no one should ever feel obligated to give the requested amount. Even if you give $3, it's ok, and then you feel like you participated.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:30 pm

chillax wrote:

No one asks. I get the money via quickly pay or an envelope. I thank every mom for participating. That's it.

If everyone was to give $3, it would be a really small cash present to the teacher. Please give whatever you can.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:32 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

And if the present is small?

amother

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:35 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

Did I understand you correctly are you complaining that you might get a small gift if each person only gives around $3?

I'm actually a school therapist ( think OT / PT / SLP) for what you consider inner-city kids and guess what I get around holiday time? Nothing. So what? It would never occur to me to complain about it.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 2:46 pm

amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:

And if the present is small?

The money gets divided between all teachers and assistants. We give cash. I'm not a teacher. Dh and I work and no one tips us.

All I meant was that although I said you can give $3, please give the full amount if you can afford to.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 3:17 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

I know what you're trying to say, but the tone comes across as an entitlement to a present. Presents aren't mandatory. And if someone doesn't want to give, or prefers giving a thank you card, or wants to give a lesser amount (whatever that may be) regardless of how much she can afford, then so be it.

amother

Natural

Thu, Dec 19 2019, 3:29 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

Gifts should come from the heart. Not because someone asks you to give what you can. It is not a tzeddakah appeal. I shouldnt have to justify to anyone why I gave X instead of the "recommended" amount. Who cares if each teacher only ends up with $20 from the class? Its a gift for goodness sakes, not their salary. Not their livelihood. And they shouldn't count on it to pay bills.
And as I posted above, I don't have what to give. Dont make me feel bad for not giving more. Any amount I gave is a squeeze.