Only one not looking good

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 9:51 am

Whenever there's a simcha with the family I'm the only one 'not dressed well'. Everyone else is in up-to-date clothing and shoes.
Here's the thing though, I am the only one not relying on foodstamps and medicaid as we b"h have just enough to be out of the bracket to qualify. That also means we don't really have much after paying tuition, health insurance and food. If I have an eye doctor's appointment coming up I know it will cost me between 100-200 and I need to budget accordingly and can't buy myself new shoes just because there's a wedding coming up. So I end up with old clothing, just about making do, but am also regarded 'as the one with money'. I feel gypped.
Am I making sense? I'm too upset with this to write clearly.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:06 am

syrima wrote:

Round of applause for you OP! Wish more people had your priorities. Like if you agree

Thank you!
But at the simcha there are very few (if any) people in my situation. I am the odd one out. Imamother is the only place I get chizzuk from..

thunderstorm

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:12 am

New clothes and new shoes doesn’t mean you necessarily look good. You can look good in old clothes and shoes too.
You may feel like you don’t look good because you feel you are being judged for exteriors. But learn to feel comfortable with yourself on the inside . Know that you should be proud of yourself for living within your means. You are beautiful that way. Let your inside shine on your outside. You need to feel that connection inside in order for it to reflect outside and then you will no longer care what others perceive you as. You will know that you are beautiful just the way you are, old clothes and all.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:20 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Are you confident in your style choices? Maybe they have more up to date sense of style?
I cant seem to figure out how to stay in style myself...

No. My sense of style is great. They just look up-to-date because their things are new. It actually makes it harder for me as I won't just by something that's cheap but 'in' and doesn't look good on me.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:22 am

thunderstorm wrote:

I know you're right but it's just extremely hard to be the only one with this mindset. What about social acceptance?

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:38 am

OP- Kol Hakavod to you.
You have your priorities straight and when they refer to you as the rich one, they know it!
Do you have anyone you could borrow clothes from? I, B"H have disposable income, love clothing and shopping, and if I can say, have a good sense of style, and have dressed friends from my closet many times.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:42 am

I'm with you OP. It hurts to be officially not low income but not having extra money to spend. I only shop cheap for clothes and when I'm really desperare and I dont have money to alter so it doesnt fit like a glove. I dont do my sheitels for weddings either. feel bad every time I come home why I cant look like everyone else. Actually one side of my family is plain and I love their simchas.

One thing I am learning lately is that a lot of low income people prioritize dressing. They dont have cars, buy takeout, buy toys or anything. All their money goes to clothes. They buy one expensive thing per season. And that doesnt mean that they can afford it.

amother

Brown

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 10:58 am

Op, you can buy dirt cheap clothing today and look like $million .

I get beautiful heels on clearance in Macy’s nice dresses in Asos.
So many amazing cheap sites.
Come on, this isn’t about the money.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:01 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

I'm glad you have an easy time buying dirt cheap clothing and looking good.
I don't. I look like I bought dirt cheap clothing...I don't have that skill, though I am definitely learning...
Yes, it happens to be about money.

amother

Brown

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I actually don’t. I’m so bad at shopping so I’m don’t wear new clothes every day.
But when I do shop, I buy cheap.

Also, you can shop expensive clothes on sale in certain seasons like now if you’re in NY

naturalmom5

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:08 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I know absolutely nothing about your situation, as Im a BT and have no family simchas to go, so feel free to ignore me

I just have one question, between Ebay and ThreadUp and a myriad of other 2nd hand sites, as well as, DejaNew, and thrift shops/ gmachs ; I always get beautiful , almost new stuff for next to nothing.
There really is no reason to look like a charity case if you know where to shop.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:11 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Sorry!
I know - I'm always tight so I buy when I absolutely need to. I always say that sales are for those that can afford to buy when it's on sale... Smile

tigerwife

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:14 am

I’ll also chime in that it doesn’t take a lot of money to look good. My heels are ten years old and I still wear them and feel pretty in them. Look inside and be confident in your appearance.

I’m sorry for your financial stress. You know you’re doing the right thing by not falling back on programs and I hope you surge ahead of the lower middle class bracket soon.

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:16 am

mandr wrote:

I see people with no money dressed nicely, and rich people dressed shabbily. Money doesn't have to be the deciding factor when it comes to looking good!

Maybe you're just describing the exact issue I have..
Clothing does not last forever, it just looks used. It can still be respectful but looks used nonetheless.

I'm sure there are those that look at me and say "Look, rich people can dress shabbily. Money is not the deciding factor".

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am the only one not relying on foodstamps and medicaid as we b"h have just enough to be out of the bracket to qualify. That also means we don't really have much after paying tuition, health insurance and food.

This is so hard. After the extra cost for health insurance, food, taxes, ect it's sometimes hard to know if you're even coming out ahead. Sometimes it's tempting to take off a few extra unpaid vacation days to fit within brackets and save a fortune each year. You hope you're doing the right thing, but the health insurance industry is such a scam that it's hard not to feel ripped off when you're paying full price for it... You're effectively triple taxed, because you pay taxes that cover education and healthcare for others, and then you pay for healthcare and education for yourself. Hugs. That's a really tough position to be in. The only nice thing is that you're not collecting tzedaka when it comes to making weddings if you saved responsibly throughout the years... But then you see the food stamps crowd that collected tzedaka for their weddings getting $3000 shaitels and $5000 watches and $10000 rings and making $50000 weddings because "everyone does it and why should our kids do with less", and it's just argghhh. Hugs.