S/o clean movies.... Why so clean?

amother

Puce

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:05 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Same here
It's healthy for them to see.

Why is it healthy for kids to see their parents kissing? It's private.
You mean a quick peck on the cheek or passionate kissing?

avrahamama

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:06 pm

My children see my husband and I hug and even peck on the cheek all the time. But they know actors are paid and not related. Why should they see fake physical intimacy between two strangers?

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:15 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Why is it healthy for kids to see their parents kissing? It's private.
You mean a quick peck on the cheek or passionate kissing?

It's healthy for kids to see appropriate interactions between a husband and wife like a quick kiss because parents are a child's primary example for what a marriage looks like and how adults should act/interact. My parents would kiss in front of us and while I know that it's a natural, healthy, beautiful thing I just choose not to do it. We should all want our children to grow up with a healthy understanding of what intimacy is and not get their lessons from friends or tv which will be full of inaccuracies, misconceptions, and just plain fake.

amother

Black

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:30 pm

Interesting replies here.

My kids see dh and I kiss, most often cheek or forehead, sometimes lips, but never prolonged, tongue-involved kissing.

I would never let my kids (6 kids, aged 1 to 12) watch a movie, let alone a not Jewish one with not Jewish themes. They barely read anything not Jewish either. They BH can't relate even to things k would approve (like encyclopedia brown).

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:36 pm

Does anyone not mind to let their kids see themselves and husband kissing passionately?

How do you explain how awkward it can make the kids feel especially if they are teenagers? or do you find that no one blinks as its their "normal"?

allthingsblue

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:39 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

We kiss in front of them but not passionately. Just a quick peck.

amother

Brown

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:45 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Why is it healthy for kids to see their parents kissing? It's private.
You mean a quick peck on the cheek or passionate kissing?

Yes exactly, I meant not passionate kissing, that's for the bedroom. I mean a peck on the cheek or lips...

amother

Puce

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:46 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Yes exactly, I meant not passionate kissing, that's for the bedroom. I mean a peck on the cheek or lips...

A peck on the cheek I understand. But doesn't lip kissing fall into the intimacy/s-xy category?

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 3:47 pm

I don’t mind a little kissing but I do mind references to zex.
I find that modern movies are hard to find clean enough to consider watching with kids. There’s usually a zexual reference thrown in somewhere. It’s frustrating.

singleagain

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 4:21 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

But that's my question... When you're kids are still little. They won't get that reference. That's too keep parents entertained.

avrahamama

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 4:28 pm

singleagain wrote:

But that's my question... When you're kids are still little. They won't get that reference. That's too keep parents entertained.

So then I suppose some of us feel that even the most subtle things can affect a neshama.

Would you let your child listen to explicit rap music just because they don't understand the lyrics? Do you want them to mistakenly sing about their gin and juice? Or riding a pony? Do you want them to play "house" and makeout with their girl cousin because that's how you play house?

Rappel

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 4:41 pm

avrahamama wrote:

Amen!

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 4:52 pm

I have teens too. Not just little kids. It’s extremely hard to find a family movie.

DrMom

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 4:54 pm

Rappel wrote:

Hmm. I tell my kids that we treat ourselves and every person with dignity. Dignity includes that some things are only for in the house, some things are for outside, some things only in the bedroom, bathroom, table etc.

My son already has an excellent sense of privacy, and that it's wrong to display pictures/videos/ads of private things, because then you're not giving those people the dignity they deserve. Respect, honour, dignity, privacy... Call it what you will, but it's important, and it starts when they're very, very young.

I like this a lot.

FWIW, I grew up in a secular family, but we had "old fashioned" rules like no rated-R films, no TV past a certain hour.

I find even what passes for PG movies and regular network TV nowadays so much more vulgar and explicit than when I was growing up. There is no nice family television anymore. I hardly watch anything at all.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 5:00 pm

DrMom wrote:

I find even what passes for PG movies and regular network TV nowadays so much more vulgar and explicit than when I was growing up. There is no nice family television anymore. I hardly watch anything at all.

This!! So true, when we do watch something it's usually something old that we remember watching as kids and it's fine. Mainstream family values have definitely changed over the years and unfortunately the things that show up on tv are a reflection of that. Amazon Prime does have a lot of older shows that I watched as a kid like Reading Rainbow and Mister Roger's Neighborhood but in general we rarely watch anything current if we're watching something at all.

Teomima

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 5:10 pm

My kids see us kiss. More than a peck but not passionate making out. They also see us hug, dance, share private jokes...they witness intimacy on multiple levels, not just physical, and I believe that's super important. They get to see what two people who not only love each other, but genuinely enjoy each other's company, looks like. I think it sets a very healthy standard for them as they grow and decide what they want in a partner.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 7:24 pm

Teomima wrote:

So if they see you do all this, how do you explain to your children the lack of intimacy for 2 weeks while nidda?

amother

Ruby

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 8:08 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

I don't like kissing, it grosses me out so my DH and I don't and even if we did we wouldn't do it in front of kids or anyone else.
I don't think sanitizing everything for kids is realistic but we can monitor what we're exposing them to and when. We severely limit screen time, like once in a blue moon (maybe once a month? We'll watch a movie or show together). Our main thing is that it's so unnecessary to expose children to things so early. Just let them be kids as long as possible. You can't get these years back so why sully them with inappropriate content?

For us personally it's a balance. We don't want anyone to feel shameful about their bodies but we also want to emphasize that there are parts of bodies that are meant to be private and not shared with just anybody. We want them to know that there's nothing wrong with physical affection and intimacy but only when it's appropriate. We try to emphasize dignity and respect.

Even as an adult I prefer to watch/read/listen to "clean" material because I don't think seeing people have s*x on screen is necessary or important to drive a story forward. I know what naked bodies look like but that doesn't mean I want to see them in the middle of a movie. I don't need books describing s*x to me, I just want to get lost in a good book. I don't like listening to people curse because I didn't grow up with it. I've never heard either of my parents say a foul word in my life.

I'm comfortable talking about things from a biological perspective and we will always teach our children to use the proper term for things and to be comfortable with them for health and safety reasons but they're also words that are only used in certain context and don't just come up in everyday conversation.

For us, it's not about expecting everything to be sanitary and for them to never see someone kissing or never see someone inappropriately dressed because it's unrealistic. To the majority of the world, wearing shorts and short skirts and sleeveless tops is perfectly acceptable. We can't shield our children from that but we can explain that we have a different way of dressing and a different way of doing things but without shaming other people for the way they choose to dress and act because it's not our place to judge.

At the end of the day as parents, every parent has to decide what they feel is best for their family values and how they want to teach their children about the world. Maybe if/when you have kids you'll decide to do something different and that's perfectly okay.

You and your DH don’t kiss? That doesn’t sound right

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 8:26 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

You and your DH don’t kiss? That doesn’t sound right

I know it's not the norm but I have sensory issues plus I'm a bit of a germaphobe. We just show affection in other ways.

Teomima

Mon, Apr 13 2020, 9:23 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

So if they see you do all this, how do you explain to your children the lack of intimacy for 2 weeks while nidda?

They've never noticed any sort of pattern. It's not like they keep track of our kisses, or that we go out of our way to make sure to hug on front of them every day or anything. We just don't hide it when we do. And even then, it's not like we're putting on a show for them, we're just not hiding it from them.

Also, there's not a "lack of intimacy" during nidda...as I originally said, they witness multiple levels of intimacy, not just physical. DH and I still joke and laugh together, still talk and enjoy each other's company, we still build and express intimacy in ways other than physical. After all, isn't this what being nidda is about in some ways? Developing aspects of the relationship other than the physical ones, strengthening our bond so that once not nidda, we desire each other even more?