Can anyone help me out with this?

amother

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 1:41 am

I always loved my kids into pieces , and still do. What bothers me is that I feel ive lost my gentleness . I really did not like what ive done today and very not proud of myself and I feel like a real failure as a parent. Please please help me . Is there a way how I can control my anger ? My son did today something that really upset me and it wasnt nice of him. I really lost myself and kicked him in his tush and knocked the door. Then I started crying cause it really hurt me that I went physically. I really dont want it to happen again . I dont wanna loose myself to come to a point to have to hit. I still wanna apologize or confront him that I did a big mistake by going this harsh. My day ended sour since I feel so bad that my anger ended with a kick on his back. I right away regret it. How can I prevent it from happening again ? I feel my kids are too precious to get hit or kicked . No it does not happen very often . today ive lost it on 2 kids . I really need advice how to prevent to potch and stay calm even I feel my kids did something really wrong. Lately I feel my parenting needs a refresher, or a booster , I feel im loosing my energy.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 4:56 am

Although not everyone is brave enough to admit it, many of us have been there.

We never know the outer limits of our patience until we are tested.

Congratulations, you now know the outer limits of your patience and tolerance levels. That is very helpful information, if you use it!

You will also then be able to work on expanding those limits.

I wish I had longer to type this post, but I'll do my best for now:

1) Apologize to your child. Tell them that Mommy got upset and should not have hit/kicked them. It is not okay to hit or kick people, even if they don't behave. Mommy is going to try very hard not to do that again.

2) Note the triggers that contributed to you losing it. You have a very hard job ahead of you - trying to minimize those triggers and step away from the scene BEFORE you mess up. If tired and hungry is a trigger, you MUST take better care of yourself. Give yourself time out BEFORE you are pushed over the edge. (Yes, you might mess up a few times while learning how to do it. Take every experience seriously and try to figure out a better plan for next time.)

3) Try to rearrange the situation to minimize triggers altogether. Do you need a clearer schedule and expectations? A bedtime chart? An incentive to minimize power struggles? For example, I put on a playlist of stories and songs at bedtime, and shut all the lights in the main living areas to get kids into bed with a minimum of fuss.

Good luck, you can learn to do better! And you WILL!

ETA: I found Marina's posts on this thread really helpful (please ignore the other hurtful posts, if you won't be able to do then just don't read): https://www.imamother.com/foru.....23979