How much is too much

tante_feige

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 1:26 am

Depends on the situation. But you can never push them to the point where they lose their childhood. Years ago, someone posted that she had to use her high school lunch break to do the family's grocery shopping... it was heartbreaking.

Chayalle

Thu, Jun 11 2020, 11:15 am

I think you should always be running the home and they should be helping. It should be clear that the overall management of your home is your responsibility.

My girls do various jobs to help me out. For example, when I had no cleaning help recently, they were each responsible to vacuum their bedrooms weekly. I did the master bedroom, hallway, and stairs. They split the living room and family room.

There are also some jobs that they tend to like and not mind doing, so I delegate those. Oldest DD will polish the silver. She also will mop, so I sweep the dining room and she mops it (she likes the smell of the almond wood cleaner we use.) Youngest DD will mop the kitchen floor (she enjoys the spritzing of my O'cedar mop, and the lavender smell of the soap I use) after I sweep. Middle DD will vacuum more when her sisters are mopping.

They make salads, they help bake, oldest does the cholent each week. They help with putting in a load (oldest does her own laundry) and with putting away. They will set table or cut a salad, clear, etc...

In general, if there's something they're happy to do, I let them do it (I end up with enough anyway, don't we all.) I don't push a job on them that they absolutely hate doing (just like I rarely polish silver, my least favorite household chore.)

amother

Ivory

Thu, Jun 11 2020, 11:45 am

Depends on the situation.
I grew up doing absolutely nothing and yet I am still a functioning adult.
My kids typically do very little but during the pandemic, I was working in the hospital and along with DH, they ran the home. I have no little ones. All DDs over 15. Took turns making dinner (a preferred job), vacuuming/sweeping/mopping. I clean the kitchen at night but they empty the dishwashers in the morning. They were each responsible for the cleanliness of their own room and bathroom (live as you choose for the time being) Everyone helped wipe down and put away groceries when instacart delivered. They all do laundry and when they want something washed will announce that they are throwing in a load, everyone bring your stuff and the when it's dry, claim your stuff if you want it back from the pile.
My living room did not get dusted and silver is not polished.

It has been kind of like dorm/UWS living as I don't have little ones who need to be supervised, bathed, or cleaned up after. That would be a whole other story.

amother

Jade

Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:00 pm

Running the house? No.

Helping out? Yes.

Reasonable: 1-2 small chores a day plus a few weekly (erev/ Motzei shabbos).
Ex: daily: set the table for dinner and make your bed. Weekly: wash the floor erev shabbos and cook one night dinner.
Also acceptable is to have them have certain responsibilities about their own stuff. You can have them do their own laundry, but they shouldn’t be doing everyone’s unless it’s in place of another chore. They can be responsible for making their own lunch, but they shouldn’t make everyone’s unless it’s in place of another chore.

behappy2

Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:21 pm

As neccessary. I think when kids feel needed they are happy helping but if you are trying to train them to be responsible they won't be interested and can even feel resentful. As a child I helped a lot with chores I enjoyed, depending on my mood. When it was obvious to me there was a need I was happy helping out. My kids barely help but my older one Will look after my younger one while I sleep. Still trying to figure out how to get them to help even take their plates off the table or clean up their toys Smile