Do you think my daughter should repeat Pre1A?

womanwithaplan

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:11 pm

Hi all, I would really appreciate your input or advice... My almost 6 yr old daughter is supposed to enter first grade, but we are a little hesitant if she is ready.

Academically she is above her class level. She loves to read, and reads anything she can get her hands on... she's a bright kid that catches on to lessons pretty quickly. Always did well in school and loved going every day. In that aspect she is more than ready for first grade.

BUT... on a social-emotional level, she has an ultra-childish personality and is definitely more babyish in nature than most of her classmates (is also from the youngest in class). She has good friends and mostly gets along well, but the teachers say she is not on their level... she doesn't "get" some social cues, facial expressions, etc. like other kids do.

When we gave her the choice, she chose Pre1A... so I dont think it would majorly knock her self esteem (and it tells me even more that she isn't emotionally ready to go up...)

Soooooo, what would you do?

Have her go up since she's academically ready and hope for her maturity level to even out with her peers eventually? Or have her repeat Pre1A?

I am really torn with deciding what would be best for her in the long run....

Thanks in advance!!!

#BestBubby

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:19 pm

If she has friends she should go to first grade.

Maybe it doesn't bother her to be "left back" now - but it probably will in a few years.
Other kids may tease her.

I would put her in first grade and get social skills therapy.

Read lots of books about kids playing together - you can learn good manners from those.

Invite kids for play dates and monitor her behavior.

Your child may have a naive personality - and that's ok too - as long as she has friends.

womanwithaplan

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:23 pm

Stars wrote:

What does the school say?

One teacher brought it up, the other teacher is on the fence whether it's necessary. Both agree that she has more of a babyish (kind of needy) personality compared to her classmates, yet at the same time she's very bright and academically successful... I don't want her to waste a year not learning anything.

Haven't spoken to the principal yet, she's very strong minded and a bit tough, and I wanna get some more opinions so I can approach her with a clear idea of what I want.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:29 pm

I would recommend not leaving her back. Often that helps in the short term, but not necessarily in the long term (or it SEEMS like it helped long term, but the child just needed a little time to catch up and would’ve done fine in the other grade). I think this is especially true in terms of maturity: as children grow older, they often have friends older/younger than them—the maturity gap closes quickly. However, the shame of being left behind, physically maturing quickly, etc....that doesn’t always go away.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:30 pm

Speaking As a mom and preschool teacher I would definitely keep her back.
Main reason I am saying this is because from what you are describing she will really benefit from another year especially since she is younger than peers. Social and emotional development (you mentioned cues and interaction). Is a developmental milestone that another year in preschool can really help with. Also I'm assuming she was home part of the year due to corona so she probably missed many opportunities to mature that can really be experienced in a preschool environment. I dont really take accademics into account as much as maturity/dispositions for learning etc.

amother

Ruby

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:30 pm

I would consult with a professional but from my experience, maturity is huge. My Child's friend was borderline in terms of the deadline for being in a certain grade and they pushed him forward so he's the youngest in his class. He is really immature and babyish, and it really comes out in so many ways. He just wasn't ready but his parents didn't notice or just ignored that fact.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:31 pm

I would not leave her back if that's where she is holding academically. She sounds advanced for her age. She will be really bored. Some kids take a little longer to mature and that's fine. My daughter the same age is very advanced academically and slightly behind socially and emotionally. She has grown a lot over the summer but even if she hadn't I would never leave her back. She will catch up eventually, and you don't want her to be bored and realize at some point that she's much older than her peers.

amother

Oak

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:32 pm

Put her up to first grade. She will mature with her peers. Seems like the girls like her. Being back in pre1a shell be with more babyish girls , I dont think it will do her any good especially if she is academically up to par. Friends and your surroundings rub off on you, so if these girls are more mature then they will rub off on her with time . And you can always get her a play therapist which can be helpful.

Blessing1

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:33 pm

If she's doing well academically, I think you should put her up to 1st grade. You don't want her to be bored in Pre 1 A. Many girls entering 1st grade are pretty immature and mature a lot throughout the year. The class is more structured with rules and they become big girls. I'd say to start the year and see how it goes. If she doesn't mature a bit, she can get some therapy for social skills. It's very hard to be academically ahead of the class and end up being bored in school.
I think it also depends when her birthday is and if there are kids in the younger class that their birthday is in the same month. Repeating a class at this point shouldn't cause her any embarrassment later on, especially if there are girls in the class with the same month birthday.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

womanwithaplan

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 9:38 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Thing is, she will be from the older ones if she repeats but probably not the oldest... she is also very petite for her age, she is from the youngest in class and definitely looks it. (So she wouldn't stick out physically if we hold her back)
Also, I don't think it's a social skills issue, she gets along very well with most kids and has a few very close friends.
She is definitely naive to the bone, she takes everything "literally" Very Happy

Part of me says she'll do fine behind a desk (shes a very easy going kid), but she would probably love and thrive from the freedom, flexibility and free play in pre1a.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 10:12 pm

I don't see a convincing argument to have her repeat. It sounds like there will be other girls who are in her age range also catching up to be 6 at the beginning of first grade. She's going with friends, and ready to learn more. You don't want to ruin that love for school she already has if she does end up not being stimulated. If she didn't like school, or was right at the cutoff, I'd think more into it, but just based on what you're saying, she's 2-3 months before the deadline which is a significant portion of the year and is already successful in school both in class and out (with friends)

#BestBubby

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 10:59 pm

OP, I believe Hashem gives Mothers special ruach hakodesh to know what is best for
their kid.

So if you feel quite certain that Pre1A is better, and your DD is ok with it, and a teacher
agrees it is better.....go for it.

Much nachas.