Do you think my daughter should repeat Pre1A?

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 11:53 pm

Keep her back!!!
I held 2 boys back in the 4s that just made the deadline. The first was so hard to make the decision. He was getting therapy (speech and OT) at the time and we felt he needed one more year before pre1a. Best decision ever. He's very bright, but needed the extra year in preschool. He's one of the top in his class and now in high school. He actually is good friends with boys both older and younger in his yeshiva.
So when it came to my second that just missed the deadline, we had an easier time deciding. He was bright and social, but a big cry baby. Emotionally he wasn't ready. He's now going into 5th. Also top of his class. But socially he's right where he needs to be.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:04 am

I had a similar dilemma a while ago, but she was weak academically and ok but slightly immature socially. I was going to repeat her but then a smart person suggested to have her evaluated to see if there's an underlying issue that an additional year won't help much in the long run. I'm so happy I took that suggestion and did an evaluation. She had a few learning disabilities! Putting her back would only delay finding her issues. I put her up to 1st grade, and gave her lots of therapy for her issues. Bh at the end of 1st grade she was at the top of the class!!

So I'd suggest you have her evaluated. If you say where you live I can try suggesting someone.

womanwithaplan

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:20 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm in monsey, do you know of anyone here?
I dont think she needs an academic evaluation since she's very ahead academically. I would need somebody that can judge by looking at the bigger picture...

amother

Black

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:22 am

If she’s the youngest in her class then you may want to give her another year in pre1a. Especially since you asked her and she prefers to have another year to play. It’s wonderful that she is doing well academically but that doesn’t mean she will be bored in class. There is so much singing and playing that happens in a pre1a classroom it’s not like she will sit there all day doing the same workbook sheets she did the year before.
It’s wonderful that she has friends but as the girls get older they may notice her immaturity and not be as friendly.
It can be hard to navigate school socially. Especially all girls schools. We all know what the preteen/teen social scene looks like. By giving your daughter another year to mature in this area, you’ll be giving her an edge later on.
Even if she is indeed a bit more naive, you may be giving her a gift by having her be the oldest in the class.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:39 am

Mrs. Mertzbach from Brainstorm.
She does a full multifaceted eval. She works on things from focus to self confidence and everything in between and beyond. I was really sceptical at first, especially because none of the therapies included reading practice which she really needed.
Mrs Mertzbach does the eval, then she refers you to one of her students that she trained in to do the therapy with your child and every 2 months you go back to Mrs Mertzbach for a re-eval. And she tells the one working with your child what excersizes to adjust.
Bh my daughter's abcs diagnosis are cured. If I go for an eval now they won't be able to see her old issues. Bh!!

Edited to add phone number 845-671-8412

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 3:26 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Speaking As a mom and preschool teacher I would definitely keep her back.
Main reason I am saying this is because from what you are describing she will really benefit from another year especially since she is younger than peers. Social and emotional development (you mentioned cues and interaction). Is a developmental milestone that another year in preschool can really help with. Also I'm assuming she was home part of the year due to corona so she probably missed many opportunities to mature that can really be experienced in a preschool environment. I dont really take accademics into account as much as maturity/dispositions for learning etc.

Agree 100%! Also coming from a mom & pre school teacher. Academics is not everything! This is when their building their self perception & self confidence. You don’t want her to be looked at as the baby by her peers. Especially in first grade the kids are even more savvy & the teacher has less of an influence on the students thoughts and actions... When if given another year she can blossom, shine & be a leader! Also at this age she won’t feel uncomfortable unless your uncomfortable with it. If your matter of fact & it’s no biggy, it’ll be the same way for her. Parents tend to over worry & overthink that aspect too much. “Because of when you birthday is, your young for the class, so you get to be in pre1a & play with dolls & dress up again”. Like you said she won’t be the youngest or stick out in size & I’ve never had a student who was kept back bored! Much hatzlacha!

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 6:12 am

womanwithaplan wrote:

Hi all, I would really appreciate your input or advice... My almost 6 yr old daughter is supposed to enter first grade, but we are a little hesitant if she is ready.

Academically she is above her class level. She loves to read, and reads anything she can get her hands on... she's a bright kid that catches on to lessons pretty quickly. Always did well in school and loved going every day. In that aspect she is more than ready for first grade.

BUT... on a social-emotional level, she has an ultra-childish personality and is definitely more babyish in nature than most of her classmates (is also from the youngest in class). She has good friends and mostly gets along well, but the teachers say she is not on their level... she doesn't "get" some social cues, facial expressions, etc. like other kids do.

When we gave her the choice, she chose Pre1A... so I dont think it would majorly knock her self esteem (and it tells me even more that she isn't emotionally ready to go up...)

Soooooo, what would you do?

Have her go up since she's academically ready and hope for her maturity level to even out with her peers eventually? Or have her repeat Pre1A?

I am really torn with deciding what would be best for her in the long run....

Thanks in advance!!!

She sounds like my DD.

Our kindergarten teacher said that she thinks we would hold back a year. The first-grade teacher said if there is any doubt it's best to hold back a year, the social-emotional aspect is most important and academics can be accommodated. And an OT who we know and trust said that the social-emotional aspect is the most important, and that everything else can be accommodated.
For us that clinched it. We're holding back a year.

Plus, corona. If there is a lockdown or schools close for a few weeks, it's better for your daughter (and mine) if that happens in a familiar setting when expectations are lower. If the numbers rise worryingly in your area and you don't feel comfortable sending, then you can simply not send to kindergarten. It's not so simple when your child is in first grade and not sending means playing truant.

Plus, your daughter told you she's not ready and that she wants to stay back.

Put it all together and I think you should hold her back. She can always skip a grade down the line if she needs to.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 6:33 am

Another vote for holding back. If she is very bright, you can always give her extra things to learn at home, or some other kind of enrichment. Don't just focus on things she is good at. For example, she may be a brilliant reader, but how is she in simple math? If she does read well, what is her reading comprehension level? These are two very different things. Can she summarize a story accurately, along the timeline given? Gymnastics and horseback riding are also very good for kids who are emotionally younger than their peers.

Please get her evaluated. It could be that she has a somewhat different thought process, and the sooner you identify it, the sooner you can help her get adjusted to school life.

Most children take things super literally at that age, but they also also start to be able to tell when things are more nuanced, even if they just wonder if the statement was literal or not. Speech and language therapy could help immensely.

Gymnastics and horseback riding are also very good for kids who are emotionally younger than their peers. The corpus colossum is the band of nerve bundles that connect the left and right hemispheres of the brain. If her intelligence is high, but it's not connected to her emotional reactions to things, then anything that makes her use both sides of her body in alternating movements will help strengthen that connection. I did PT with my daughter, and in addition to speech and language, it made a huge difference. You have to get both sides of the brain to "talk" to each other.

Fun fact: Most women have much larger connective bands than men do. This is why we are more emotionally intelligent than most men are, and why it's so hard to find a "sensitive guy". It also explains why men always want to "fix" emotional problems - they are thinking with the logical part of the brain.

I love looking at prompted MRI scans that show exactly what parts of the brain light up when given different situations like solving a math problem, or looking at a crying baby.

I get annoyed when people say "It's all in your head." Well DUH! That's where your brain lives!

(Wow, I am feeling very wordy today. I just looked up and realized I wrote a megillah. LOL

)

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 6:40 am

I just want to preface that I don't think there's one clear answer. And for sure can't be done just by online posts. But I want to address a couple of things.

Quite a few people mentioned boys; my experience is that there's a world of a difference. Boys are more likely to be stilted emotionally and have higher learning expectations at a young age.

There's also a lot of projection on here... I'm not immune myself! I grappled with leaving one kid back who is right before the deadline, I mean 2 weeks, not a few months. I moved him ahead after testing and finding his deficits are unrelated to his grade. He's doing fine in his older grade. Not my easiest in school kid, but definitely learning and has friends. And since I already knew he wasn't a school kid (he's quite bright and keeps up fine academically like it sounds like OP's daughter is doing), I thought it would be a disservice to him to make him go through school longer.

Anyone who repeats will also echo the same thing: their kid did fine.

Kids are pretty resilient and so in both outcomes, most kids will do fine and there's no way of knowing if it would have been the same or better had you gone a different path.

When I was going through the same dilemma, I found teachers were very inclined to have kids repeat, but when I asked for specific benchmarks they were looking for to go into that grade, I was better able to see for my own child if that benchmark was met.

Also, I heard the line that a kid can always skip. I think that is very, very misleading. Schools are not inclined to skip kids, it's much harder on the kid to miss material and have to form new friendships especially if they're not as savvy in that department. That should never come into the equation at this point. The flip side is frequently ignored: if you do move a kid up and it's not working out, you can move them down or have them repeat. Everyone's afraid of their self esteem being impacted and it's definitely not l'chatchila, but to me that's easier than skipping down the road.

Basically, when it's not so clear what to do, seek outside information in the context of everything you have learned about your child. But bottom line is that there are downsides both ways, but usually a kid can handle either direction and be trading the pros and cons depending which way you go.

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 8:00 am

I had my dd do pre1a again she was from the youngest she was not ready for first grade socially or academically or emotionally . She did have friends so I felt bad. It was the best thing I could have done for her but there are times she made little comments about its again and bec it was too hard and she should be in first grade. Now it really sucked after everything she had to finish the year on zoom which was hard but I think a lot of kids are going to have a hard time now. If she's ready academically and reading it's different especially in a year were play time may be different.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:31 am

When I asked my childs therapist if he should repeat Kindergarden, she told me not to repeat if it was going to be by the same teacher.
He needs to be learning new things and make progress. If the teacher last year couldnt make that progress, that same teacher wont make any new progress in the coming year.
Since his school does not have any parallels I will switch him to a lower grade when we move next year to a new city.
He is the youngest in his class, doing great academically, not so well socially and behaviorally, and has language difficulty.

mha3484

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:38 am

I have a child that is born 2 weeks after the cut off so hes the oldest in his class (4th grade). The grade ahead of him would have eaten him alive so I was very grateful that I did not need to make him the class baby in such a large and challenging class.

He is extremely bright but socially has had significant struggles. Hes made a ton of progress through the years. I think for him being the oldest in his class was the most beneficial experience. When your the oldest but less mature you gravitate towards the kids who are younger in the grade to play with when your the youngest and very immature the peer group is a lot more limited.

We worked intensely on his social skills and we have accepted the fact that he will likely always face different degrees of boredom in life. He has really thrived and when I had to make a decision for my next son who has a birthday the month of the cut off I kept him back a year in play group and was very happy with how it worked out.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 11:57 am

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

I agree he should have a new teacher just to start off fresh.

But the issues mentioned is not due to the teacher not making progress. Those are things that go beyond regular classroom learning that require therapy beyond the regular lessons and what a general classroom teacher is trained/expected to do.

I am glad you have options for your son.