Brooklynites more rude than others?

amother

Ruby

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 6:03 pm

Who greets strangers in large towns or cities? It's the equivalent of taking public transport and greeting all the passengers... might be a fun experiment to try if I could survive all the strange looks I'd get Silly

amother

Seagreen

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 9:29 pm

I haven't found out of town places I've been to, to be super friendly. It's often hard to get into the groups. In brooklyn if you said good shabbos to every single jew you passed you would never shut your mouth. Out of town when you pass a jew every ten minutes it's not a big deal to say good shabbos to every person. Having lived both in brooklyn and out of town I can personally say there are nice and not nice people in both.

ra_mom

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 9:35 pm

Speaking to people you don't know is just not the culture in Brooklyn. Of course if someone I don't know says good shabbos, I respond in kind. If a person I don't know asks for directions, I stop to help. But otherwise I keep to myself and don't make eye contact, as I was taught that that's the only way to survive in the big city!

ExtraCredit

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 9:40 pm

banana123 wrote:

That's certainly a different way of looking at it.

I guess you're a Brooklynite?

I’m actually not. But know some people there and don’t find them rude for not greeting every passerby. Btw, why is the question only about gut Shabbos? Shouldn’t everyone say hi to everyone they pass every day? I just can’t fathom that in densely populated Brooklyn. Nothing wrong with doing it (although I think it’s a bit socially awkward to greet a perfect stranger) but not rude not to.

amother

Indigo

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:07 pm

I’m from Flatbush and in my neighborhood we do say good shabbos to people on the street.
Brooklyn is almost out of town now compared to Lakewood lol. I find Lakewood much ruder Smile

Java

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:15 pm

There are nice people and not nice people in literally every community- I don't think it's fair to quantify an entire community based on the people you've encountered

amother

Red

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:18 pm

If you consider the social norms of another community rude, of course your community is the nicest community in the world.

Mommastuff

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:21 pm

I'm from OOT, and live in Brooklyn.
Definitely friendly people here! I say Hi, smile, or at least nod to all passerbys.
Saying Good Shabbos to another yid is not the same as saying Hi to a stranger!
But why are people here on I'm another in such a rush on Shabbos? Too busy to say hi??
I found Brooklyn to be just as friendly as OOT places. If you smile, people smile back.

Last edited by Mommastuff on Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

ExtraCredit

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:22 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

If you consider the social norms of another community rude, of course your community is the nicest community in the world.

Exactly. I don’t know if brooklynites are rude but this was blatant Lashon hora!
Talk about rude...

mamma llama

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:22 pm

bananas4bananas wrote:

There are nice people and not nice people in literally every community- I don't think it's fair to quantify an entire community based on the people you've encountered

This. I find it rude to label an entire community this way... What

(PS: I have Brooklynite friends and they do wish gut Shabbos when passing Jews.)

amother

Navy

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:31 pm

I grew up in Brooklyn and now live OOT.

A lot probably depends on the sub community you are in but I haven't found out of towners to be nicer or better.

For starters now that I'm older and less naïve I realize how obnoxious and what onas devorim their constant putting down of Brooklyn in camp and seminary was (and all in the name of superior middos...)

There are different situations in different communities. For example when I first moved OOT I was very upset that so few people shoveled their snow. However out of towners have much more land to shovel, are more likely to get around by car than walking and have fewer people walking past their houses. Therefore they are less likely to see the urgency to shovel than people in Brooklyn.

Similarly and this has nothing to do with Brooklyn, I have found it to be true everywhere, the denser a frum community is the less likely people are to say Good Shabbos to strangers.

thunderstorm

Sat, Sep 12 2020, 10:41 pm

I grew up in Brooklyn. It was known back then that in Boro Park strangers didn’t wish each other good Shabbos. But if you walked into Flatbush , as soon as you hit Ocean Parkway and further, everyone and their brother wished you Good Shabbos.
When I moved to Monsey 20 years ago , everyone greeted each other Good Shabbos. Now when I walk in the streets and wish someone Good Shabbos that I don’t know, they just stare back at me like I’m some kind of alien. I’ll still continue greeting everyone and they can ignore me if they want to.

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 12:35 am

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

I grew up in Brooklyn and now live OOT.

For starters now that I'm older and less naïve I realize how obnoxious and what onas devorim their constant putting down of Brooklyn in camp and seminary was (and all in the name of superior middos...)

I thought it was just me! I always felt like garbage in the eyes of out of towners in camp and sem just because I lived in broolyn. I think it was very cruel to constantly mock us and put us down just because of where we lived. How does that make them better people is beyond me.

amother

Purple

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 12:54 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

This. Out of towers think and speak very low of people from Brooklyn or Lakewood. Out of towners tend to have this attitude that they're better than in towners.
Just this week there's an interview in the Mishpacha junior with a girl from Lakewood. She's saying that at camp the out of towners think low of the Lakewood girls and treat them badly. I really felt her.

amother

Ecru

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 1:10 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

I think making statements like this is completely anecdotal. I am from OOT and have had bad interactions with both people from my city and other OOT places as well as in town. Mean, rude people are everywhere unfortunately.

And wow, that is just strange that a jewish magazine would publish such a thing.

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 1:38 am

I'm from oot living in Brooklyn. I say hello to anyone that makes eye contact and that's mainly not Jewish people. When it comes to Jews I only say hi/ gut. Shabbos to people I like.

amother

White

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 1:40 am

I would like to start off by stressing that I am aware that Yom Hadin is coming, and more than always, it is important to guard my tongue and give benefit of the doubt whenever possible. I am writing the following to raise awareness and reflection, so that maybe we can realize our impact on others and try to do a little better in the coming year, no matter where we live.

I live in Brooklyn but I'm originally from elsewhere. When I first moved here some 20+ years ago, I found my neighborhood to be very friendly. Everyone said 'good shabbos' to each other and was courteous and helpful in so many ways. Over the years, as more people moved in (many of them younger than us), I noticed people saying 'good shabbos' less and less, and often my saying 'good shabbos' to others would go unanswered. It hurt at first, but I understood that now that the area is densely populated by Jewish people things have changed and it is to be expected. However, what really got to me was when someone I KNOW from the neighborhood would ignore me, as if I am see through. Most people are NOT like that, but one shabbos, this past winter, I came home from shul and had to go to a side room so that my kids will not see the tears in my eyes. It was a fancy kiddush and a fancy crowd. Lots of people and it was a bit overwhelming. I saw some people I knew and we exchanged a good shabbos. The when I sat at one of the tables, one of my neighbors was sitting there and I said 'good shabbos' but she just looked passed me and did not answer. It is not the first time she has been ignoring me, so I was hurt but not surprised. After all, I was not wearing a mink coat, I don't daven at her shul and I am neither 'yeshivish' enough nor 'cool' enough for her or her friends... Then I saw another neighbor from the same 'clique'. She did answer my good shaboos but coldly and meekly. A second later someone else said 'good shabbos' to her, and she answered very warmly. Maybe I am too sensitive but this really got to me a I left the kiddush feeling isolated and lonely, and vowing to leave Brooklyn as soon as it becomes possible.

When the pandemic hit NY, I wanted to approach the neighbor who ignored me altogether and let her know that I feel hurt by her behavior. Talmidei Rabbi Akiva were wiped out in a plague because they did not respect each other, and I feel that if we would like the plague to stop, we better start paying attention. Then, I did Cheshbon Hanefesh, and realized that before I attempt to correct others, I should take a good, hard look at myself... At the very same kiddush as above, there was an old woman from the neighborhood. I did not know her and never spoke to her but I used to see her around. That shabbos, I saw her at the kiduush. I did not say 'Good shabbos'... Shortly afterwards, I found out that she passed away. I wished I had acknowledged her presence that shabbos in some small way but I did not. Maybe she too felt alone.

I am a pretty friendly person and dh and I contribute to the community in many ways, both personally and professionally. But I feel like I don't belong here and it gets lonely sometimes. B"H, over the years, I managed to find a small group of friends who care and share some of my interests and it helps somewhat. But perhaps we can all try to realize that our actions (or lack of) can impact others and try to be a bit friendlier towards others. It can make a difference in someone's day and life.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 2:06 am

Lets be real.

If Id live in one of the communities where strangers wish each other Good Shabbos, it wouldnt make me feel any better about my day or my life or my community. I know that theyre saying it to everyone, its as automatic as putting on their shoes. Big deal.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 8:52 am

Why is a good Shabbos greeting the measure of rudeness/ friendliness?
I think the Brooklyn stare down is rude.

Raisin

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 9:26 am

I guess I live in a really friendly place. It's completely normal for strangers (non Jews I have never met) to say hi or good evening. Not everyone but a lot of people do that.