Something I've been wondering

amother

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:03 pm

For reference, I am much younger than my sisters in law and I came in to the family when they had kids (no one in my family was married yet) so I always looked at them as examples.
Bh we're married for a few years and I'm starting to wonder about some things.
Specifically, 2 of my sisters in law have a picky child. And they both really cater to them. They are not so young anymore, 8 or 9 and they let them eat only the 5 foods or whatever that they like. My sisters in law will say 'oh they won't eat that' etc.
They're kids don't have diagnosis or anything, bh regular picky eaters.
When I was younger and my kids were younger it made sense to me. But now my kids are bh getting older, I have more experience and I think it's not normal. I have a kid who's also very picky, but with gentle guidance he tastes more foods and some foods that he only ate last year he doesn't only eat this year etc.
It's like they labeled their kids and now there's no option.
What do you think?

OOTforlife

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:21 pm

On the one hand, I think it is ideal to try to stretch children's palates and reduce pickiness, even if it takes a lot of work.

On the other hand, we all cut corners somewhere and we all pick our battles.

Also, their children may have other issues that make this more challenging, beyond just pickiness.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:24 pm

I know my SIL is burnt out from trying so hard to get her kids to eat a variety of foods. Her husband is super picky, and the kids all followed suit. She's just done.

My kids are little. DH and I have this argument sometimes. I'm worried about their weight gain, whereas he says that little kids won't starve themselves. So far, he's turned out to be right. In the long run, they eat the food we give them, and they actually eat a pretty good variety. We'll see what happens when they get older, though...

silverlining3

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:30 pm

At first I catered very much to my child, she would never taste any food beyond what she likes. Once she grew up a bit, I started with, you don't have to like and eat everything, but you must taste and swallow.

I still cater somewhat cuz I'd rather have my child eat less but EAT the food than trying to 'force' more and then start disliking the food she does eat.

It's not simple

Chayalle

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 2:55 pm

I've had kids who were picky about various foods at certain times, and they outgrew most of their pickiness at their own paces.

One still won't touch fresh tomatoes, but I can't think of anything else she won't eat. So it's not a big deal IMVHO.

I do think it's best to try to keep introducing new foods to help children overcome pickiness, but I would try not to judge your SIL's. You have no idea what else they may be dealing with that leads to this.

amother

Smokey

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 3:08 pm

I am not a new mother. My kids are mega picky. One for valid reasons (sensory issues makes it difficult to eat foods with multiple textures --like pizza) and one that just plain dislikes leftovers and one for no reason (he's 10) . I can stand on my head and he just won't eat what I make. Even the foods he likes, if it's not perfectly crispy or fresh, he won't touch it. So I tell him I am not a restaurant and he needs to eat. He knows where the fridge is and will take a yogurt and make himself sandwiches or even take a bowl of cereal. Do I like it? No! But I refuse to make food a battle. (My father was 'anorexic' as a kid as a result of being forced to eat foods he didn't like. It wasn't until he went off to yeshiva, where he could pick what he wanted to eat, that he started to eat normally)

dankbar

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 3:59 pm

Could be they don't want to make drama in public. Shame bubbies food/ what if bubby takes it personally that they don't eat it?

Maybe at home they do encourage to try new foods?

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 6:07 pm

Not your circus, not your monkeys. You don't know what they are or aren't doing about it. You also don't know what other challenges might be going on. Maybe something else is being prioritized and they just don't have the spoons to make a big deal about food. Which is a perfectly valid choice assuming the kids are healthy.

I have a kid who is labeled as picky. My other kids eat pretty much everything, so it's obviously not something I'm doing wrong. But also, for all the claims about how picky this child supposedly is, he actually eats at least two foods from all the important food groups. So what of the only veggies he'll ear are cucumbers and peppers? Veggies are veggies and he eats some every day. Sure, I wish he'd eat broccoli and carrots and eggplant or whatever. Maybe one day he will. I make very varied foods for the rest of us, so hopefully he'll eventually join in. Until then, why should I make a fight and a power struggle? He eats a balanced, varied diet, is growing normally, and has no health problems. I've got bigger fish to fry (no pun intended).

amother

Blush

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 6:19 pm

On the one hand, you can’t really judge anyone else or their parenting. You don’t always know what goes on behind the scenes.

On the other hand, I think there’s a difference between natural pickiness and enabled pickiness. I have a child who’s naturally picky. This child has always been more difficult to feed than my other children. We don’t force food, but we try to encourage them to pick from the options available. And while this child doesn’t like to travel outside their comfort zone, at least they eat a decent variety, including all food groups. We’re always trying to encourage more, but everyone is entitled to some preferences.

I also have siblings who were SUPER picky growing up. You could count on your hands the things they ate. My parents always said they’d grow out of it, but it was very much enabled. And guess what? They are now super picky adults. They may have added a few items to their repertoire, but they still barely eat anything. Very little healthy things, for sure.

So OP, without judging others, I would agree that enabling pickiness can definitely end badly.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 7:05 pm

I consider my kids to be real people with feelings and preferences.
If someone who knows I hate avocado gave me an avocado for lunch and threatened and/or bribed me to eat it, I would a) be insulted b) be upset c) still be hungry because I’m not eating that avocado.
Why would anyone do that to their kids???

polished

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 3:14 am

silverlining3 wrote:

What age is getting older?
Asking for myself. My gorgeous bit of almost 2 has a very small selection of meals he will eat.
I really want him to try new foods

silverlining3

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:27 am

polished wrote:

What age is getting older?
Asking for myself. My gorgeous bit of almost 2 has a very small selection of meals he will eat.
I really want him to try new foods

Um, so I did often try all types of food, but she either refused or took intsy piece into her mouth, gag, no, don't like, and spit out. So I stopped
When she was 5, in kindergarten, and I was getting frustrated already- I started talking to her real, you can't know if you like something unless you swallow a decent piece. She said, when I'll be pre 1-a I'll start tasting again lolol. A year later, and I reminded her. Besides that she started eating chicken, (was a huge deal) she now tastes most foods and then decides whether she likes or not-mostly not Rolling Eyes

It's still a big struggle but hey, she has parents who to take it from Can't Believe It

When I told someone that my daughter is picky and listed her some food, she was like, mine doesn't eat half. I really calmed down. She's bh gaining albeit slowly.

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:57 am

OP, I think you're discovering your own way in chinuch with your children and that's great.

Your sil also has her own way with chinuch with her own children and many times that will not match with your ideals or convictions. And that is also okay. There is no cookie cutter when dealing with human beings. You have to be flexible and tweak ideals as you go along.

That being said, your sil may be either doing the right thing or the wrong thing. However, I don't think it's in your territory to pass judgment over her. She is dealing with her own nature and her childs nature. While you are dealing with your nature and your childs nature. No two are alike. Maybe you have more strength and patience in this area.

Good luck and hatzlocha!