S/O neighbor basics

amother

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 8:01 pm

the other thread about bathroom basics got me thinking, often my kids are playing with neighbors outside and my child decides they need a drink, suddenly all the neighbors are trekking in demanding drinks. I find this so annoying bc it happens every second day and everyone wants to drink something else. my kids drink filtered water from the tap but neighbors ask for bottled water. if they have so many expectations then go to your house, right next door and get the exact drink you expect.
on weekends, Friday and sunday, if my kids eat lunch I often feed them too. when my kids get a snack I have to provide for everyone.
also with the bathroom, go use your own... I have enough cleaning after my own kids.
I wonder if I need to do this and what others do. am I crazy for feeling annoyed at all these things?

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 8:16 pm

I'd be annoyed too. I don't serve lunch to neighbors playing at our house, I send them home.
We have the biggest lawn on the block and we live by the corner of a dead end, so all kids basically play on our lawn and the mom's sit around. My bathroom has officially become the public bathroom till I put a stop to it. When a mom asks me if their kids can use my bathroom, I ask them to please go use theirs.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 8:51 pm

Send your kids out to play with a personal water bottle so they don't have to come in to get their drinks (or just leave it on the porch for them) when it's a bad time for everyone to come in. Maybe you'll even start a trend that everyone will do it

amother

Peach

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 9:00 pm

If neighbors live right next door, I don't see why they can't go home.
Occasionally on shabbos afternoon I'll offer shabbos party, that's it!
Drinks and bathrooms, they can go home!
Only exception is if a kid is playing inside my house for several hours in a row for some reasons (sometimes on sundays or if I'm babysitting or if they'really playing nicely and quietly,I don't want to ruin it by sending kid home!)

amother

Cyan

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 10:06 pm

Very annoying. My daughter comes up for a drink and says "Hindy wants a drink as well" and I'll give her a second cup. But if she comes up a minute later "Hindy's brother also wants" I'll tell her so tell him to go ask his mom. If it's my daughter and one friend, I don't mind giving an extra snack. If it's more than three friends out then nope, I'm not the block's pantry.

amother

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 10:26 pm

I agree with all this but I feel bad. and my kid comes in with a bunch a friends every time and I feel bad saying go home to get your own water.
sometimes I'll give everyone a water bottle then my whole lawn gets full of half finished water bottles.

allthingsblue

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 10:51 pm

I don't cater to specific demands. If my kids are getting filtered tap water, that's what the neighbors can have too (they are free to go home if they want something else). Snacks- I tell my kids now is a good time for snacks if I can offer to everyone playing with them. If I can't offer to everyone else, I tell my kids it's not a good time for a snack right now. (If they are really hungry in obviously make an exception.)
Meals: I don't offer friends unless they request. Doesn't happen so often. I try to have a private family dinner time.

Shuly

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:07 am

I live in an apt. building and it drives me crazy when the neighbors in the same building use my bathroom because they are standing closer to my apt. than to theirs! It's usually little boys and they end up missing and then I have an extra clean up job!

amother

Ginger

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:35 am

I understand not wanting to feel invaded, but young children often need the bathroom RIGHT NOW. It's not fair to make them go home.
As far as snacks, put out a water bottle (and pretzels or fruit if you are so inclined) and a small garbage can, and let the kids enjoy.
When they are teens, you'll wish that your house was the hangout.

twizzlers1

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 3:20 pm

I love when my house is the hang out. I have filtered water that's cold that's about it for drinks though. I don't mind to put out a package of pretzels and I'm more than happy to share my bathroom. most of my kids are older though so they're not leaving a huge mess and they all know how to aim in the bathroom so that might make a difference if they didn't.

amother

Peach

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 4:02 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

True!
But there's a difference between next door neighbors and friends coming over! I think neighbors feel free to criticize what's being served because they see our house as an extension of theirs. Guests usually don't comment on what's being served!
I host my kids friends for playdates all the time and they obviously use my bathroom and get snacks and drinks!! My neighbors are here on a weekly(daily?)basis!!
Btw my neighbors that are teenagers would rather use their own bathroom! They go home and come back!!
I've heard an expression for kids that need bottled water rather than tap water and cookies rather than pretzels...."high maintenance kids"!! LOL

FranticFrummie

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 5:40 pm

B'H, my daughter's friends were always polite and well mannered. Sometimes they were better mannered than she was!

I never had a bathroom problem, but she was an only child, and didn't have more than 2 friends over at a time. I only gave water, because I never kept sugar drinks in the house, and juice was for special occasions. A snack was an apple, or a banana. Period. Kids always had family meal time at their own home, so that was never a problem.

The kids never went into my cupboards or refrigerator. I guess that's because they knew that there was only healthy food in there! LOL

Actually, they were just raised not to be nosy like that.

It's nice when the other parents have similar parenting styles and values. If their kids ever behaved badly (which was really rare) the parents would be mortified, and come over to apologize personally.

When DD was 7 she was friends with a boy down the block who was 6. He was the most delightful child I have ever met in my life. His father was from Zimbabwe, and his mother was from Sweden. Between the two of them they expected him to behave like a mentch, even at a young age. It's probably a cultural thing.