Telling DS he has ASD

amother

Blonde

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:37 pm

andrea levy wrote:

If you have a good doctor, the dx won’t change. There’s a huge difference between learning how to adapt and having a dx go away. A good doc can see this at 6-12 months in a baby, high functioning too. Our professionals told us he needed to understand why he saw things differently. He has a beautiful brain. It just works differently.

Son is 24. Has a college certificate in AutoCAD. Graduated high school as an Ontario Scholar (over 80% average.) Has his own place. Cooks/cleans/does laundry/ is superb human being. And he does all that while being on the spectrum. He’s coming over now to cook Shabbat because I have school/work amd husband has crazy amount of work. Mensch. With ASD.

Every time I see you post about your son over the years, I hang in to every word and pray, please GD my son should be happy, healthy, productive member of society! Thank you for the chizzuk

amother

Apricot

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 7:04 pm

My child has a genetic condition that will make it hard for her to learn abstract maths. She's very young still but her doctor insists that she should know at the time so she doesn't beat herself up for not being able to do it (she's otherwise very bright BH). Similarly I've heard from adults who were diagnosed as adhd as adults that they felt so validated and relieved to know there was a reason for what they previously viewed as failures. So maybe it would be beneficial in that way for your son.

amother

Plum

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 9:19 pm

Please tell your children.

You don't have to tell them at 4, but it should not be a big secret or a surprise. They *know* they are different. Not telling them is never going to obscure this. The label is already there. It's not fair to them, especially since their teachers will know.

Many autistic people find it freeing to have a name for what is different.

#BestBubby

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 11:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My 4yr old has been diagnosed with characteristics of mild ASD. (Not 5 yet so cant be officially diagnosed)
He is getting services. B’h we are seeing a great improvement.
I know I am thinking way too ahead of myself but wanted to know is there any benefit in eventually telling him that he has ASD or is it enough for me to know and get him the help he needs as long as he needs it.
Anyone with experience on either side of the bridge who could tell me the pros and cons?
Thank you

Do NOT label him.

Keep this "diagnosis" as hushed up as you can.

I believe in getting services for even mild delays. If government is paying, why not?

But that doesn't mean your son is "really" ASD. Doctors give that label in order to help kids get
services.

With the services your child may "catch up" and not meet the label of ASD.

So why should you tell him? It will make him think he cannot succeed which is not true.

Get the services and you should not view your son as ASD.

Wait and see how your son does as he gets older.

You may pleasantly surprised that he will be 100% typical.

(PS I am a SEIT)

#BestBubby

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 11:09 pm

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

It is way to soon to know if this child will be different.

Even if your child DOES struggle in certain areas, I would not give it a label.

I would just explain EVERYBODY has stuff they are good at, and stuff that is hard for them.

Chana Miriam S

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 1:31 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

Every time I see you post about your son over the years, I hang in to every word and pray, please GD my son should be happy, healthy, productive member of society! Thank you for the chizzuk

Some day he’s going to want to get married. I hope that someone will see him for the mensch he is!

amother

Wheat

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 6:04 am

I’m a speech therapist who works with a lot of kids with autism. I would hold off on telling your child for now. I’ve seen kids who no longer meet the criteria for autism after they’ve gotten a lot of good therapy and the parents have put in a ton of work. Obviously that’s not most people’s experience, but it happens enough that it’s worth waiting to see.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 7:27 am

Op, it is worth noting that people do not grow out of Autism. The posters who are advising to wait and see if it goes away are talking about situations where a child was initially misdiagnosed. Even with all the work me and my son have done over the years, he is very functional but the asd is still there. He is still different in an autistic way.
Just wait and see. If he asks tell him but that won't be for another couple of years. If he asks hat means he is ready to he's the answer. When he does ask you will also be ready because there are alot of good answers here for that. When we told my son, besides for explaining autism and that it is a spectrum, we also said he was in good company because we named some famous people who also have autism:)

#BestBubby

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 11:54 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

1. "People do not grow out of Autism."

2. "If people grow out of Autism they were misdiagnosed."

That statement contradicts itself.

There is no "proof" of autism - there is no blood test or genetic marker like there is with
Down Syndrome.

Autism is diagnosed based solely on observation of behavior.

There could be many causes for the autistic-like behavior.

Some children WILL grow out of it - especially if they get the help.

And some children will not grow out of it - even with all the therapies.
Although the therapies will help lessen the symptoms and teach coping skills.

One cannot know at age four if the child will grow out of it.

Get all the therapies, davven and wait and see.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 3:36 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

My quotes do not contradict themselves. If someone grows out of his "Autism" label retroactively, we know it was a misdiagnosis.
And we don't yet know which genes cause autism but we know it is genetic so yes there is a physical marker for it in every Autistic person.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Jan 29 2021, 4:35 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

Genes only cause tendency towards autism. This is proven by identical twins that aren't both diagnosed.

Chana Miriam S

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 6:45 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Someone will. I love my DH so much. He has ASD and is the kindest most emotgathic person ever.

From your mouth to g-d’s ears!

I actually asked him to write a response to this thread because he is articulate and empathetic.

ggdm

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 7:05 pm

I have always been different. I had a hard time with other kids. Maybe it would have helped to know why. I am not sure that I have ASD or something else, never been for evaluation. But there is something that today would get an evaluation.

Related, but not the same. I have misophonia since a teenager. My parents didn't believe in mental health and just told me I am crazy and making things up. It helped me so much to know as an adult that this is actually a thing that has a name, I am not crazy and I am not alone. It would have helped a lot as a teenager.

I think your son will know he is different. Maybe at some point it will help to have a name for the different. But probably not at 4.

#BestBubby

Sun, Jan 31 2021, 1:24 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

And there are plenty of children who have autism symptoms, get an autism diagnosis and
then lose their autism symptoms and diagnosis.

It doesn't matter if you call it "some children grow out of autism" or "it was a misdiagnosis"

Nobody knows at age 4, if the child has life-long autism, especially when the child is on the mild
end of the spectrum (ASD) and is getting therapy.

amother

Mint

Sun, Jan 31 2021, 9:19 am

A relative of mine is likely on the spectrum and is so confused why no one wants to listen to his geeky monologues, why no one's taking his dating wishes seriously, why he has such a hard time dealing with his collegues, etc.

A bit different because he also hasn't been equipped with any skills, but I don't think it's about giving a label but rather helping him cope with and accept his differences.

He doesn't even actually want to get married but knows that it's the next step - that's what everyone else is doing. He's so self critical because he thinks he should be living like everyone else, even when he doesn't want to.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jan 31 2021, 1:58 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Yes it does matter. It does.
Because she shouldn't get her hopes up high and be shattered when he is still autistic in a few years. I did every treatment under the sun hoping my son would grow out of it. It helps to know it's a permanent disability so I don't beat myself up with guilty thoughts "well if only I had tried that detox regimen, or this sunrise program, or sent him to a different school, he would be normal now. I didn't work hard enough and it's my fault he is still autistic." This is a genetic condition that can be improved but not eliminated. So yes it makes a difference.

As for the comment about twins not both being autistic, yes there are probably some things that trigger the genes but science is not there yet. That would explain why one twin gets it and the other not.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 31 2021, 2:04 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

Autism is not the end of the world. Yes it's a dissability. But being autistic just means you think a little differently. Normal is relative.

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Jan 31 2021, 3:55 pm

My son is similar age and getting all the services. Dont know if he has asd, he wasn't diagnosed with anything just general developmental delay. I think high functioning asd is hard to diagnose at young age, how do you knoe son for sure has it