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Crayon210
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 Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:27 pm
I read these all the time, are you kidding? 
Please share your recommendations.
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leomom
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:30 pm
| mummiedearest wrote: |
...she typed, crying hysterically, causing the milk to spill in the chicken salad she was to have brought to her third nephew's upsherin later that day with a smile.... |
"Sarale," Shmuely ventured.
"Yes, Shmuely, my husband?" she inquired.
"Sarale, don't cry hysterically," Shmuely comforted her.
"But Shmuely," she whined through clouded eyes and a slightly upturned upper lip, "these onions are burning my eyes."
"I understand, Sarale," Shmuely cajoled with sincere understanding as he sincerely stood under the fluorescent light that hung above them in the cold kitchen while they stood beneath it, "but what were we talking about again? I've lost my train of thought."
"Oh, Shmuely!" she cried through clenched teeth. "I have no idea what in the world we were talking about, but I don't think it was that important."
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Lady Godiva
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:35 pm
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There should be an emoticon for almost pishing in your pants laughing. I'd use that now.
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mummiedearest
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:37 pm
| yy wrote: | | mummiedearest wrote: |
...she typed, crying hysterically, causing the milk to spill in the chicken salad she was to have brought to her third nephew's upsherin later that day with a smile.... |
"Sarale," Shmuely ventured.
"Yes, Shmuely, my husband?" she inquired.
"Sarale, don't cry hysterically," Shmuely comforted her.
"But Shmuely," she whined through clouded eyes and a slightly upturned upper lip, "these onions are burning my eyes."
"I understand, Sarale," Shmuely cajoled with sincere understanding as he sincerely stood under the fluorescent light that hung above them in the cold kitchen while they stood beneath it, "but what were we talking about again? I've lost my train of thought."
"Oh, Shmuely!" she cried through clenched teeth. "I have no idea what in the world we were talking about, but I don't think it was that important." |
"Sarale, my wife, my bashert, anything you have been speaking about is of the utmost importance to me. Yet, I think my forgetting what you said just now was min hashamayim. Let's talk of other heilige things," requested Shmuely, barely able to contain his extreme sincerity at the moment. Yet, he had forgotten that the chicken salad, due at the upcoming upsherin, had just been rendered treif and completely inedible. He would regret this later when their neighbor's dog, in search for a treat, managed to eat it all up. Oy! That such a heilige pooch should ingest a treife chicken salad entree! Shmuely would be sincerely covered in shame and charata.
(have I mentioned that jewish books often have tense-changing issues? I wonder if artscroll owns a time machine...)
Shmuely sets out to the Artscroll headquarters in order to borrow the time machine and prevent Sarale from crying hysterically and annointing the chicken salad liberally in milk so the dog should not chas vshalom come to eat treifus.
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leomom
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:40 pm
| Lady Godiva wrote: | | There should be an emoticon for almost pishing in your pants laughing. I'd use that now. |
I'll take that as a compliment!!!
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Maya
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:41 pm
Mummie and YY, these posts are hysterical. But they show your point, and very clearly. I stopped reading Jewish books a while ago for this reason.
I remember when everyone was talking about that book called A Daughter of Two Mothers. It was so badly written, that I stopped reading after the first three chapters. The story may be fascinating, but how am I supposed to enjoy it if it's written on an eight grade level??
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Lady Godiva
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:42 pm
| yy wrote: | | Lady Godiva wrote: | | There should be an emoticon for almost pishing in your pants laughing. I'd use that now. |
I'll take that as a compliment!!! |
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Lechatchila Ariber
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:43 pm
| RivkiA wrote: | I have read alot abt the fact that Jewish literature or the genre is not as great as "non jewish" writing.
So what are you ladies looking for? What do you want to read? What type of writing are you looking for? Let us "unknowledgable" ppl in on the secrets! |
I'd like to see ...
That anything halachikly related be checked over by a competent authority. I've come across a number of mistakes that really set my teeth on edge.
Decent English:
If it's translated from hebrew to english then the translater should at least KNOW ENGLISH..ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I've read the weirdest translations I tell you, especially in tha double life of whatsherface book!
Stick to 1st, 2nd or third person! If Dvosha is telling over her story in first person then for goodness sake how on earth can Dvosha know what Genendel was thinking?
Don't make frum yidden infalible!
Also, just because the main character is a Frum Yid, doesn't always make the book "jewish", With some of those thrillers I feel that if you changed yaakov to jake, the book wouldn't be any more Jewish then a book from the local Library.
I feel more far more editing is needed in many Jewish books
The best books I've read have all been non fiction. Not just because I like true stories but also quality wise.
I wonder why that is.
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leomom
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:44 pm
The building where Artscroll headquarters is is looming and lumbers high over the highway. Shmuely resolutely enters and assertively approaches the front desk, where someone sat answering phones and filing her nails.
"Shalom, Artscroll," the receptionist intoned into the phone while still filing her nails. "Have a seat" she nodded to Shmuely without indicating any punctuation whatsoever or seeming to notice its absence while filing her nails and turning her attention back to her phone call.
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leomom
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:46 pm
| Maya wrote: | Mummie and YY, these posts are hysterical. But they show your point, and very clearly. I stopped reading Jewish books a while ago for this reason.
I remember when everyone was talking about that book called A Daughter of Two Mothers. It was so badly written, that I stopped reading after the first three chapters. The story may be fascinating, but how am I supposed to enjoy it if it's written on an eight grade level?? |
My daughter is reading that book now, along with a few others. I can't remember which one has an exclamation point after almost every sentence! I was so tense reading it! Yet it was so exciting! Except that none of it warranted exclamation points!
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ClaRivka
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:48 pm
Thank you everyone for your thoughts!
I will take them all into account when writing my next book.
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Lechatchila Ariber
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:50 pm
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what book(s) have you written?
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Chani
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:50 pm
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It would be nice to read the literary equivalent of the movie Ushpizin - something with 3 dimensional frum characters who have flaws and adult issues. I wonder if the writing guidelines for the frum publishers are so strict that it is difficult for writers to receive approval for anything other than the most bland manuscripts.
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leomom
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Sun, Jul 27 2008, 11:51 pm
Mummiedearest, wanna collaborate on a best-seller? This was fun. 
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mummiedearest
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Mon, Jul 28 2008, 12:05 am
yy-
only if I get to add obnoxious illustrations in case anyone can't picture the descriptions described masterfully with myriads of adjectives!!!!!!
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leomom
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Mon, Jul 28 2008, 12:06 am
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Sure, you can be the illustrator. I'll add extra adjectives and adverbs for you to work into the pictures.
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leomom
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Mon, Jul 28 2008, 12:15 am
This is an excerpt from {a current Jewish novel}:
***
Then the realization suddenly hit her! She had a sister! A true flesh and blood twin sister! She had always envied the girls who had sisters and now she had one too! And they were twins! The thought filled her with excitement. She wasn't an only child after all! It was then, without warning, that another implication struck her, making her feel jealous. She would have to share her mother with someone else! Someone who was a professional violinist!
***
etc...
It may well have the potential to be a great book, and the story is more original than most, but it needs an EDITOR! Please, {Jewish publishers}, if you are reading this, edit the books you publish.
Last edited by leomom on Tue, Aug 05 2008, 1:24 pm; edited 2 times in total
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ChutzPAh
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Mon, Jul 28 2008, 12:23 am
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"YY, that is so funny!" ChutzPah typed gingerly.
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leomom
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Mon, Jul 28 2008, 12:27 am
And that's in a real book...
But I do hasten to add that the book COULD BE wonderful. It just needs revising, editing, revising again... until it is ready to be published. All good novels go through this process.
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leomom
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Mon, Jul 28 2008, 12:32 am
RivkiA, when you write your book, don't use these words:
utilize (say "use")
amongst (say "among")
Also, I just noticed that in "Facing the Music," the character Adele has her name spelled with an accent, like this: Adéle. But I'm pretty sure it should be like this: Adèle. It's French, and that would make sense, pronunciation-wise. Little things like this add up and chip away at a book's credibility.
So, RivkiA, top priority is to have a good editor who will catch all this stuff.
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