What's your Enneagram number? (POLL)

taketwo

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 10:23 am

crust wrote:

I have a hard time typing myself and always felt like I'm a too complex for one number which would make me a 6 but it really didn't fit for many reasons too long for this post.

(Unless someone is interested in having a long authentic conversation about this preferably under your screen names.)

I type myself a 4/5 slash 6.

Many moons ago I spoke to Miriam Adahan about it and she claims that it makes sense and she herself is a 456 also so I kind of calmed down in my never ending search for my perfect personality type.

More recently I found this tritype test website which claims no one is one single type. According to that one I'm a 4,5,8 with a 6 component.

This made me giggle because if you understand the polarity of the Type 4 and the Type 8 its just so unusual for it to coexist in one person but it did clarify things for me and explains my complexity better than the 456 tritype.

Here's a free link to the tritype.
https://enneagramtritypetest.com/

For all of you asking about a simple Ennegram test the Rheti test is a scientific based tool. It does cost 12 dollars though.

https://www.enneagraminstitute.....w_wcB

You're welcome!

If you look into Beatrice chestnut enneagram types she talks about each type having a countertype depending on their instinctual variant. It makes it more complicated but helps understand. So the countertype for the six is the one-on-one instinctual variant. They fight their fear with being fearless so appear not very sixish but their motivation is still fear. They fear being fearful so instead go to the opposite extreme.

The counter type for the four is the self preservation variant. They protect themselves by tending to cut off their emotions and not share them with others. They are still empathetic but don't act like your typical 4.

You can see all the variants here;

https://www.integrative9.com/e.....ypes/

Like I said it does get more complicated for those who don't like to delve into these things, but for those seeking to understand themselves to a deeper level it is very helpful to figure out instinctual variant and variant stacking.

pause

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 10:25 am

giftedmom wrote:

There are people out there that take a theory and run with it over a cliff. Any and all theories. Surrendered wife, gentle parenting, sod haadam, brain inflammation etc. so they do it with the enneagram as well.
So even if those theories may have some redeeming qualities they give it a bad name.
But I think those people will always find something. There’s a void in them that needs this absolute black n white way of looking at the world.

Oh, I'm sure those people are finding something in it because it makes their world "make sense" to them, but it totally turned me off. There was a point in my life where I was fascinated by Breyer-Miggs personality typing. I had everyone in my life figured out. I read Awareness after that. Then because I was so interested in it and discussed it with many people, I came across many of these kinds of people I'm describing, and it suddenly made the whole thing seem very restrictive. I was being told that things I do/say do/don't match my personality type. I heard people absolve themselves of responsibility because "What should I do; it's my personality."

There's still a part of me that wants to neatly put everyone in a box so that I can "get" them, but with life experience, I've learned that even then, people have the capacity to surprise you.

taketwo

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 10:32 am

pause wrote:

I'll give you two examples:
I've heard someone say, "Oh, she's a x, and I'm a y, so we're never going to get along." As a means of justifying not working on a relationship.

My post that you quoted, when I express this sentiment to die-hard ennegram followers, will tell me, "Oh, so that means you're a z." Which to me is so condescending and dismissive that I can only hold an opinion like that if I fit into some neat box explaining it.

Some people will "type" others and based on that say no to a shidduch. It's the same stupidity as using handwriting analysis as a reason to break off a shidduch. Get to know the person as a whole up close, instead of dismissing them because of the box they belong to.

That's not the purpose of the enneagram. It's a shame it's misused but the purpose is actually for self-awareness and growth. It happens to be it does help me in understanding other people in my relationships, if I understand their core motivations I can understand where they are coming from and it's nothing personal towards me. Doesn't mean I excuse their behavior but I can be mindful to not cross them in their sensitive spots. I can know for my 2 friend I can make sure to express.how much I value what she does for me and be conscious to also give back to her. To my 4 friend I can try and listen better and really try and validate all her deep emotions without invalidating her experience. To my 8 friend I can understand she is just saying it how she is and isn't trying to bulldoze me. I can also talk straight to her and not fluff things up since that's not her speed. To my 7 friend I can know that any plans we may make might be canceled last minute and to not rely on them so that I am not filled with disappointment and resentment if she does cancel. If I spoke to a 4 or 1 the way I speak to an 8 I may not have a friend anymore.

OceanChimes

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 10:50 am

crust wrote:

This is really interesting. I always thought of myself as a 4-6 and could never get it right which one I am. I wanted to be a 4 cuz Miriam makes it sounds so much better, but I told myself nah I'm probably a 6. Until one day someone told me she thinks I'm a 5 and I'm like whatttttttt? That's like the scholar that reads dictionaries lol until it dawned on me that 5 does fit a lot better. I need to understand things so thoroughly and completely otherwise I'm not satisfied.

I'm still not quite certain, but it's interesting.

I hate btw, that she puts 4 on this lofty pedestal. 4's can struggle a lot, there's no use in making it sound so glorious. But of course, yes, the flip side is that there's loads of gifts there. As is in all numbers. Just hate that she picks faves, and clearly she hates 6's lol.

I think another aspect that actually puts me in the 5 is that this question tortured me for so long. I get so obsessed with these things and it's like I must know the absolute truth otherwise I go crazy. I've learned to temper it a bit. I try not to get into these stuff too much cuz I know it ain't good for my health. But then something new comes along and BAM there I am lol.

crust

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 10:52 am

pause wrote:

I hear that and I agree that like any other thing it's a tool that is often used by people that are otherwise immature or rigid thinkers and it helps them confirm their baseless arguments.

In example number one the person uses the Ennegram in the same way that person that doesn't know the Ennegram would say- "oh, she's such an angry sad jealous fill in the blank" person we can never work it out.

So instead of that whole long sentence she says- she's a type xyz.

That's not the Ennegram. That's this person's issue with not wanting to invest her/himself in the relationship and yes s/he is using the Ennegram as a confirmation but he wouldn't do anything differently if not for the Ennegram.

The second example is rigid, I agree.
But I am almost sure that this isn't the first place where these people are suddenly rigid or black and white.

With regards to shidduchim are you saying that people are making their own assumptions as to what type they think a girl or boy is?
I agree that it is nonsense but how is it different than any other parents making conclusions on things that they haven't completely researched?

crust

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 10:59 am

taketwo wrote:

You know it is erev shabbos, do you? Wink

And you also know that I've already spent a huge chunk of my adult life researching personality sites? Now this!

I'll come back when I'm done cooking. If the bell doesn't get me first.

pause

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 11:01 am

crust wrote:

Example 1: "angry sad jealous" are negative descriptions, so if someone can't work it out with someone like that, I get it. But that's not what she was saying. She was being neutral descriptive and saying a number. However, since the enneagram (or at least Miriam Adahan's book) states which two types would have a harder time getting along, this person applied that info to real life.

Example 2: The thing is though, I've heard it said by people who are not rigid or black-and-white thinkers. ( Wink

) Somehow being obsessed with the enneagram makes them see everything through that lens. (The way giftedmom said about various other courses.)

Shidduchim: Yes, people make assumptions and then nix. It's not different than any other conclusions parents may come to; it's just an additional thing that parents might use to dismiss a potentially good shidduch.

bgr8ful

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 11:27 am

OceanChimes wrote:

That right there is the issue.
There isn’t one number that’s better than another. They all equally have their strengths and their challenges. The enneagram is a tool to help you understand your underlying motivations, cuz by knowing that you can know how to work on yourself.
Also, in response to someone else upthread, people that hear someone say one comment and then type them immediately have a very shallow understanding of the enneagram. You can have 2 people doing the exact same thing but their numbers will be very different because the motivation and thought behind the action is different.
Same thing with people that use it to excuse their actions.

I think the enneagram has a lot of wisdom in it, but like all systems and things out there, it can get butchered by the wrong people.

giftedmom

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 11:31 am

taketwo wrote:

Wow! And here I’m always told I don’t “act like a four” because all fours I know are sappy, delicate, kind of wimpy, and wear their hearts on their sleeves. Whereas I’m all about self-preservation. And here I always thought that was my five. So interesting!

OceanChimes

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 11:36 am

bgr8ful wrote:

you're right. I read it back in high school and those were my thoughts. But I think she did a huge disservice by writing her book in this way, exactly for the reasons you state.

bgr8ful

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 11:41 am

OceanChimes wrote:

you're right. I read it back in high school and those were my thoughts. But I think she did a huge disservice by writing her book in this way, exactly for the reasons you state.

Ye it becomes a hock for high school girls every few years but most of them get to know it on an immature level.
There’s another Jewish enneagram book by shaindy perl called “out of the box” which is more nuanced and also very fair and unbiased with the numbers.

dena613

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 11:41 am

Chayalle wrote:

Why? I would think that there is so much you can accomplish as an 8.

8s can be harsh and abrasive without realizing it.

I have lots of opinions of how things should be done, but not always do I have the power to implement. E.g. I have a husband, I have a boss, my school has a principal and my kids have teachers...

I am not in control of them, and it is hard for me to figure out the politically correct way to say things when I'm upset.

I don't think I come across that way in imamother because I have to write everything out and I'm not emotionally invested in it. I also really try to consciously be nice on ima. But I don't always succeed.

OceanChimes

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 11:45 am

bgr8ful wrote:

I haven't read the book since high school but I've explored more of it a little through websites etc. And there were those in high school that read it half ways or in it's entirety but didn't take it so personally, I delved into it as if it was my sefer and read it and then reread it again and again and tried to make sense of exactly what I am.

Actually I believe I read it when I was out of school as well probably like 18-19 years old.

Since then I've basically had a love/hate relationship with it, I'll sometimes get into it and research the heck out of it and then I'm like never mind, this is not good for me.

Chayalle

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 12:04 pm

dena613 wrote:

Very interesting.
I have a close relative who I think is probably an 8 (with a strong 7 wing). He does have lots of opinions, but he's also very personable and fun loving (maybe that's the 7 side). He's a real people person, a big macher type. But there are times that he (inadvertantly) steps on people's sensitive toes....

I think that an 8 personality really does have the ability to influence, and to accomplish. You sound like you care, and your heart is in the right place.

I don't think any personality is inherently good or bad (that's the whole point of the enneagram). Thinking otherwise is a mistake. I'm a two, and I know where selfishness can play into that really well, and when my motivations can be less than altruistic....an unhealthy two can be really annoying. I think it's the same with any personality, we have the capacity to do good or not, the choice is up to us....

taketwo

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 12:29 pm

OceanChimes wrote:

I don't think anyone should be saying what type you are, that's for you to figure out. But, if you are a 5 it would make so much sense for you to feel alot of 4 and 6 in you, those are your wings!

There are so many other less biased books out there on the enneagrams. No type is better than the other. Each type can be an amazing person with their own unique strengths or a very unhealthy person with middos that need lots of work.

ssspectacular

Fri, Dec 23 2022, 2:06 pm

crust wrote:

I took the tritype test and found it very inaccurate. Mostly because it asked me to think back to when I was a teen or early twenties. I am in my late 50s now and have changed so much that the tritype doesnt fit at all. I find Miriam Adahan's typing more accurate. I am a 4 with a 5 wing, and the 3 wing sometimes appears as well. In the tritype, I am a 4 and tritype is 6 4 8 which made no sense to me.