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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Moving/ Relocating
twogees
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 Mon, Jan 30 2023, 11:43 pm
Bayswater is laid back in my opinion. There is a large mix in the area. From more modern to yeshivish to chassidish and no one is judgemental about anything. (Yes I'm out of Bayswater for close to 10 years but visiting 2xs a year for long periods of time and I see that nothing has changed in that time.)
I grew up there and my parents still live there. I have 2 siblings who have special needs. One attended Yeshiva of South Shore 10-15 years ago as that's where the Cahal program (special Ed program within a Jewish school) was for his age. My other brother is currently in Darchei and is doing really well (no need for the Cahal program as the special needs are different) The special Ed programs are probably the ONLY thing that have kept my parents in NY. My father wears colored button down shirts as does half my parents block.
I also know if another person who kept her son in Darchei for high school after moving from Bayswater bec of the great services her son receives.
(We currently live in Chicago but I ow that if for whatever reason my son's needs are not getting met here in Chicago, there's a chance we would move back to NY.)
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amother
Mayflower
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Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:08 am
| Kiwi13 wrote: | Okay, please tell me more about it. I need a lot of specifics - numbers regarding housing costs (I assume I'd be renting), medicaid cap, how far to doctors/hospitals, do I need a car? Is it suburban or city like? What if I can't pay anything in tuition? I literally have no way to pay tuition. It's a big problem. What are the public schools like? What are the names of the schools I ought to check out if I want something that's a legit frum school but has a "community day school" type of student body, meaning there'd be a mix and very accepting.
I have no idea where I'm personally going to land on the orthodox spectrum by the end of all this. Right now I don't fit anywhere specific, and I'm in major flux. NYC scares me deeply when it comes to this stuff. If you're convinced Bayswater is a good fit, would you feel the same way if you knew I was off and on about hair covering these past few months and that I don't plan to cover at all post-divorce? What about if I'm debating pants and mixed swimming? I will always keep a strictly shomer Shabbos and kashrus home, but I need a lot of time and freedom to find my way again. I'm trying to take it step by step, no "forever" decisions, and I want to be accepted for ME, not for what box I fit, especially since I'm box hopping right now. And I DEFINITELY need to know that none of it will be taken out on my children. Sadly there are communities (which I have personally visited) where a father's shirt color will have serious consequences on the inclusion or exclusion of his children. Kal v'chimer something more, like what I'm describing.
Please don't judge. My entire life is fighting for survival right now. |
There is public transportation but basically everyone has cars because the public is not the best. There are lots of local doctors. LIJ hospital main campus is around a half hour. Manhatten is around an hr away by car. The frum area of bayswater has a suburban feel, mostly fully detached single family houses with yards. The non Jewish blocks a few blocks over have a completely different, more urban and low class.
A good friend of mine is divorced, lives there sns does not cover her hair. It is not a rigid place and you should have space to find yourself. The public school system is not great but everyone who needs special Ed services sues the board of Ed and goes to private special Ed schools, Jewish or not jewish.
Shulamit and south shore are the most middle of the road and I’d suggest u start there and then c if that’s good or u want more right or left.
Having 0 to pay in tuition will be. A problem but will be a problem anywhere u go.
As far as Medicaid, google it but keep in mind there are organizations that help you out. I was once 2000 over the limit for it and they advised me to put money in an Ira and Then I’d make the cut. Even if your not elgibke there are other very cheap insurance options. Medicaid is not the be all and end all.
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amother
Milk
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Tue, Jan 31 2023, 2:19 am
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Look into kulanu if that can be a fit for your children with special needs. It’s in the 5T so should be close to Bayswater
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PinkFridge
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Tue, Jan 31 2023, 6:49 am
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I don't want to paint some sort of rosy picture that doesn't exist, but Brooklyn isn't so monolithic. I know men who wear jeans and colored shirts, etc. (Ok, Bayswater is Queens, but same difference.)
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amother
DarkGray
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Tue, Jan 31 2023, 6:54 am
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Bayswater is very not cheap. I paid 1800 for a second floor 2 bedroom, 15 years ago. Also one month my tuition payment bounced (in an unnamed school) and I got threatening calls from the principal about my child being able to come until it was paid.
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PinkFridge
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Tue, Jan 31 2023, 8:45 am
| amother DarkGray wrote: | | Bayswater is very not cheap. I paid 1800 for a second floor 2 bedroom, 15 years ago. Also one month my tuition payment bounced (in an unnamed school) and I got threatening calls from the principal about my child being able to come until it was paid. |
I would say that your first sentence is definitely relevant. I hope that things have changed since your time re the second. And that your own situation has changed.
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amother
White
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:50 am
| Kiwi13 wrote: | | Yes, the community. It's not the community's fault, but it's unhealthy for me to be here. I also can't afford it, and there's no possibility of affording it in any reasonable timeframe. And yes, I need to be out of the house I'm in now. Very likely I won't be able to stay much longer anyway. They don't enjoy having children in the house and are increasingly frustrated with the kids even just existing in the house. |
Did you ever consider that where you are staying they may have already raised kids and have moved onto a different lifestyle with a different routine and schedule? Maybe their house is not child proof and they are worried about things being broken? Did it ever occur to you that it is hard for them to see you suffering the way you are? Put yourself in their place for a minute and think about how they might feel having gotten used to a different lifestyle and routine and then having someone with young active kids move in. You can teach your kids to be quieter and clean up. You can clean up after your kids, limit how much of a mess is made at a time and help them clean up. You can teach your kids that certain behaviors are for inside while other behaviors are for outside. If you don't already do this, please clean up after your kids eat, play etc... Constantly moving around will take it's toll on not only you, but also your kids. They are in a great school district (especially for special needs and being frum). If you are really going to move, please make sure to move to a place that will truly help your kids become the best they can be. You finally have medical insurance and that is not easy to get. Running away from problems doesn't solve problems. Also, having different levels of Yiddishkeit in houses is very confusing for kids. Your positive attitude will go a long way in making it easier to live where you are right now. Kids feel tension and will act up to get your attention (if you don't give it to them when they need it, and you may already be giving them attention). Remember to say THANK YOU! Thank the people you are staying by and acknoledge that it is hard for them too. They have opened their house to you and your kids, have hakaras hatov! Kind words go a long way! Hatzlacha!
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pause
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 9:59 am
| amother White wrote: |
Did you ever consider that where you are staying they may have already raised kids and have moved onto a different lifestyle with a different routine and schedule? Maybe their house is not child proof and they are worried about things being broken? Did it ever occur to you that it is hard for them to see you suffering the way you are? Put yourself in their place for a minute and think about how they might feel having gotten used to a different lifestyle and routine and then having someone with young active kids move in. You can teach your kids to be quieter and clean up. You can clean up after your kids, limit how much of a mess is made at a time and help them clean up. You can teach your kids that certain behaviors are for inside while other behaviors are for outside. If you don't already do this, please clean up after your kids eat, play etc... Constantly moving around will take it's toll on not only you, but also your kids. They are in a great school district (especially for special needs and being frum). If you are really going to move, please make sure to move to a place that will truly help your kids become the best they can be. You finally have medical insurance and that is not easy to get. Running away from problems doesn't solve problems. Also, having different levels of Yiddishkeit in houses is very confusing for kids. Your positive attitude will go a long way in making it easier to live where you are right now. Kids feel tension and will act up to get your attention (if you don't give it to them when they need it, and you may already be giving them attention). Remember to say THANK YOU! Thank the people you are staying by and acknoledge that it is hard for them too. They have opened their house to you and your kids, have hakaras hatov! Kind words go a long way! Hatzlacha! |
You bumped up the thread to respond with this???
If there would be a dislike button, this post would get it.
I'll be DLKZ that you haven't read the whole thread nor do you know anything about kiwi or her kids because your post is seriously missing the target.
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amother
Yolk
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:03 am
| pause wrote: | You bumped up the thread to respond with this???
If there would be a dislike button, this post would get it.
I'll be DLKZ that you haven't read the whole thread nor do you know anything about kiwi or her kids because your post is seriously missing the target. |
No need to dislike and no need to villainize anyone who sets boundaries. Middle-aged parents aren’t evil villains because they want their space, their privacy, quiet. because they’re not saying , yes stay with us forever with 3 kids 2 of whom are special needs, they are now horrible evil people?
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amother
Whitesmoke
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:05 am
| pause wrote: | You bumped up the thread to respond with this???
If there would be a dislike button, this post would get it.
I'll be DLKZ that you haven't read the whole thread nor do you know anything about kiwi or her kids because your post is seriously missing the target. |
Same thoughts wth.
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pause
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:14 am
| amother Yolk wrote: | | No need to dislike and no need to villainize anyone who sets boundaries. Middle-aged parents aren’t evil villains because they want their space, their privacy, quiet. because they’re not saying , yes stay with us forever with 3 kids 2 of whom are special needs, they are now horrible evil people? |
Shut up.
You clearly haven't read all her posts to know the whole story.
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amother
Milk
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:15 am
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White, I reported your post. I hope kiwi didn’t read it yet. She does not need bashing in such an emotional state.
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PinkFridge
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:16 am
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Here's the thing. These are logical and important thoughts. But I'm sure that Kiwi knows this and is doing her best accordingly. If she says anything that makes one think otherwise, maybe, maybe one can gently make suggestions. But I don't think that will be necessary.
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NechaMom
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:18 am
| amother Yolk wrote: | | No need to dislike and no need to villainize anyone who sets boundaries. Middle-aged parents aren’t evil villains because they want their space, their privacy, quiet. because they’re not saying , yes stay with us forever with 3 kids 2 of whom are special needs, they are now horrible evil people? |
How is that helpful when she’s desperately searching for her own place? Nowhere did she write that she wants to stay in her parents’ home even one more day, never mind forever.
A little compassion is in order when your own DD is newly separated, has medical issues, has no roof over her head, struggling financially, and 2 Sn kids. Every normal parent would try to make her as comfortable as possible under these awful circumstances.
And to bump a thread with these hurtful comments? Just no!
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PinkFridge
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:21 am
| NechaMom wrote: | How is that helpful when she’s desperately searching for her own place? Nowhere did she write that she wants to stay in her parents’ home even one more day, never mind forever.
A little compassion is in order when your own DD is newly separated, has medical issues, has no roof over her head, struggling financially, and 2 Sn kids. Every normal parent would try to make her as comfortable as possible under these awful circumstances.
And to bump a thread with these hurtful comments? Just no! |
I missed a bit of posts and didn't see Kiwi's transition to America, let alone know that this was her parents. It's possible others are coming in in the middle. Who are much more clueless than I.
I think they do need to be told that their posts are problematic and it's likely that they're missing a whole lot, so their words are being perceived as out of line. (And for good reason.) That too can be done with dignity and gently.
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Kiwi13
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:41 am
| amother White wrote: |
Did you ever consider that where you are staying they may have already raised kids and have moved onto a different lifestyle with a different routine and schedule? Maybe their house is not child proof and they are worried about things being broken? Did it ever occur to you that it is hard for them to see you suffering the way you are? Put yourself in their place for a minute and think about how they might feel having gotten used to a different lifestyle and routine and then having someone with young active kids move in. You can teach your kids to be quieter and clean up. You can clean up after your kids, limit how much of a mess is made at a time and help them clean up. You can teach your kids that certain behaviors are for inside while other behaviors are for outside. If you don't already do this, please clean up after your kids eat, play etc... Constantly moving around will take it's toll on not only you, but also your kids. They are in a great school district (especially for special needs and being frum). If you are really going to move, please make sure to move to a place that will truly help your kids become the best they can be. You finally have medical insurance and that is not easy to get. Running away from problems doesn't solve problems. Also, having different levels of Yiddishkeit in houses is very confusing for kids. Your positive attitude will go a long way in making it easier to live where you are right now. Kids feel tension and will act up to get your attention (if you don't give it to them when they need it, and you may already be giving them attention). Remember to say THANK YOU! Thank the people you are staying by and acknoledge that it is hard for them too. They have opened their house to you and your kids, have hakaras hatov! Kind words go a long way! Hatzlacha! |
What did you think the point of this thread was? Have you read any of it (or my previous threads) before posting this? Do you really think my children and I are acting like ungrateful heathens?
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Kiwi13
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Sun, Feb 05 2023, 10:44 am
| amother Yolk wrote: | | No need to dislike and no need to villainize anyone who sets boundaries. Middle-aged parents aren’t evil villains because they want their space, their privacy, quiet. because they’re not saying , yes stay with us forever with 3 kids 2 of whom are special needs, they are now horrible evil people? |
That’s a whole lot of assumption… nobody called anyone horrible evil people. You also have no idea what the situation is. Boundaries aren’t the problem here. Far, far from it.
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mfb
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Mon, Feb 13 2023, 5:58 pm
Thinking of you!
I hope you are managing and you figured things out!
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