People commenting in front of my other kids

amother

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 5:53 pm

I have had people in our community comment how pretty my 4 yr old daughter is when my older daughter 6 yrs who is absolutely gorgeous in her own way is standing RIGHT there. I think its horrible!! ( and yes I'll admit DD4 happens to be attractive but what ppl don't know is how challenging she could be lol)
I always just say thank you and say all my kids are gorgeous!!!
But, it irks that people have no sense. They think they are little and won't understand mom conversation.
Anyone ever had such experiences?

amother

Hibiscus

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 6:10 pm

I am not sure what the issue is. Most children are beautiful. Is your other daughter insecure? Or is this all you? Are you insecure about her looks. I think all of my children are beautiful. If my 9 year old was complimented I would just say thank you.

OceanRider

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 6:14 pm

Is the 4 yr old your youngest?

Many people will comment on the little ones. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re more beautiful than the others.

There’s just something about sweet toddler faces.

I wouldn’t find it offensive unless the other kids are really unattractive.

amother

Wine

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 6:27 pm

I’m pretty average looking and my younger sister is gorgeous. I was a confident kid but it really used to bother me when we would walk together and people would comment. I did struggle with jealousy so it’s probably not the person’s fault that I was hurt.

amother

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 6:34 pm

amother Wine wrote:

I know but little kids are that way...

amother

Olive

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 6:34 pm

I have 2 nieces around those ages. The older one is really not pretty, she’s overweight and has annoying behavioral issues. The younger one is so pretty and has a happy go lucky personality. I’ve commented to their mother that the younger one is so cute when she was acting so obviously pleasant. I won’t compliment the older ones behavior or looks because there’s not much to compliment. The few times the older one acted mature I definitely mentioned it since it deserved to be mentioned. The younger one just always seems to act mature and pleasant and she’s very pretty too.

amother

Blonde

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 6:36 pm

I have seen people do this
like they have no filter
and say whats on their mind
and forget context and thoughtful sensitivity
whether brains beauty etc...amongst sibs

it is what it is

don't make a big deal out of it and your older won't either

like oh they are making a big deal out of the "baby"...

amother

Copper

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 9:48 pm

amother Olive wrote:

This is so wrong. There is always something to compliment. And when you say you won't compliment her looks since there is nothing to compliment - common, lie. It costs you nothing and can mean so much to your sister and niece.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 9:51 pm

amother Olive wrote:

Gosh. I'm glad I have sisters-in-law that are more positive than this. I feel horrible for your nieces and their mother, that really would hurt.
Maybe try seeing the beautiful neshama your older niece is, despite the challenges (weight, looks, behavioral issues) that Hashem gave her.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 9:56 pm

I completely agree with you OP
Your response is exactly what my mother would respond when everyone would gush over my younger sister, while we were standing right there
Why cant people say "wow you all look so beautiful"

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 9:58 pm

amother Olive wrote:

One of my neices is honestly not so cute, also annoyong personality...but of course I still say "all you girls look so beautiful"

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 10:02 pm

amother Olive wrote:

The one with the difficult personality and worse looks can use the compliments more than the cuter, easier one. It's not her fault she's like that.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Mar 02 2023, 11:21 pm

amother Olive wrote:

This is awful. Your older niece must feel so hurt. You’re probably not the only one who gives more positive attention to the prettier little sister.
You’re the adult in the room. Find all the good qualities you can in your older niece and help her feel good about herself. I literally cringed when I read the way you described her as not pretty, overweight and annoying. Be a loving aunt and compliment her at least as much as you do her sister. You’d be surprised how a child can blossom when you help her see how special she is.

amother

Silver

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 8:02 pm

amother Olive wrote:

Wow, that is a TOUGH dynamic...
not easy on the mom, that is for sure!!
when the older one is behavioral/less mature it's definitely harder than if one of the littles are, as the older one is meant to set an example/be helpful...

amother

Puce

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 8:05 pm

amother Olive wrote:

That is so awful!! 😢

amother

Papaya

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 8:45 pm

I think it’s wrong to comment on people’s looks, period. Unless it’s at a wedding or something where they obviously put effort into their look. Otherwise there is just too much potential for awkwardness for various reasons.