Turns out a frequent shabbos guest is gay

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:03 pm

Thoughts how would you deal especially talking about shidduchim etc at the meals 🤔

relaxation

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:04 pm

the first question would be how you know.. if he told you straightup or you figured it out

amother

NeonBlue

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:05 pm

I would continue on make- believed I didn’t know at all

NotInNJMommy

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:06 pm

Well I wouldn’t be arranging any Shidduchim with someone I think may be gay.

I also agree with the question above, how do you know?

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:07 pm

Found out through the grapevine wasn't too surprising

amother

Bisque

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:09 pm

I would proceed as normal. Why does anything need to change?

amother

Mocha

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:20 pm

Ask your LOR if your husband/sons should be shomer negia/avoid yichud with him. Otherwise, continue to treat him the way you did before, serve him kosher food, involve him in Shabbos conversation....

BrisketBoss

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:20 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

I would proceed as normal. Why does anything need to change?

Agreed.

amother

Daisy

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:24 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Ask your LOR if your husband/sons should be shomer negia/avoid yichud with him. Otherwise, continue to treat him the way you did before, serve him kosher food, involve him in Shabbos conversation....

Some of this sounds a little weird…”serve him kosher food.”…. Why would she ever not?

Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he isn’t frum. Op never said if he acts on his gayness.

amother

Whitewash

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:40 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Ask your LOR if your husband/sons should be shomer negia/avoid yichud with him. Otherwise, continue to treat him the way you did before, serve him kosher food, involve him in Shabbos conversation....

Is yichud among gay men a real question? I never thought of asking.

happy7

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:42 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

Ask your LOR if your husband/sons should be shomer negia/avoid yichud with him. Otherwise, continue to treat him the way you did before, serve him kosher food, involve him in Shabbos conversation....

Being gay does NOT equal pedophile. One should ALWAYS be cautious.
No one should ever touch your kids or be left alone with them unless you know them very well and you trust them.
But please don’t equate identity with predator.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:46 pm

happy7 wrote:

I dont think the poster was implying that he is a predator at all. I think she was being serious about the issue of negia and yichud in the same terms you would as a man who is attracted to women.

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:58 pm

It's such a different situation not used to it and wasnt not spoken about just people know and now we know.

I'm getting uncomfortable inviting or having other guys over with him

BrisketBoss

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 6:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's such a different situation not used to it and wasnt not spoken about just people know and now we know.

I'm getting uncomfortable inviting or having other guys over with him

I don't find it uncomfortable at all. If he starts hitting on people, stop inviting him.

As an Orthodox man he naturally has many homosocial interactions.

amother

Mayflower

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 7:03 pm

Are your guests’ s-xuality a frequent topic of conversation? No? So what needs to change?
He is the exact same person
Don’t try to redt him shidduchim.
This might be my son you are talking about

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 7:04 pm

No need to do anything differently. You can even talk about shidduchim, just don't redt anyone to him, obviously.

amother

Mocha

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 8:09 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

I dont think the poster was implying that he is a predator at all. I think she was being serious about the issue of negia and yichud in the same terms you would as a man who is attracted to women.

Thank you! I phrased the previous part clumsily, trying to give examples how she should treat him as a regular frum yid.

You are correct; I am serious about additional halachos that are nogeia here. Look at Shulchan Aruch, Even Haezer 24 which talks about this.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 8:19 pm

amother Whitewash wrote:

Is yichud among gay men a real question? I never thought of asking.

NOOO it's not a thing. Seriously.

amother

Mocha

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 8:29 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

NOOO it's not a thing. Seriously.

It absolutely is.

See above, I provided a mekor.