Turns out a frequent shabbos guest is gay

amother

Lotus

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 1:06 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

Because one is allowed to choose who they are comfortable inviting as guests particularly frequent guests. Pashut
His religiosity has nothing to do with being a frequent guest st ops home
One can lessen the frequency without saying why if one wants to
No need to attach a whole big story to it

This is not true. It's assur to do so in a mean way.

essie14

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 1:39 am

camp123 wrote:

Just continue to act the same way and talk about the same things. He doesn't need to know, that you know, it's just a shabbos meal. It has nothing to do with you.

Seriously. I can't even understand why this is a question.
He can't turn your husband or sons gay so I have no idea why you would stop inviting him. He's a Jewish person who needs Shabbat meals. He has done nothing wrong.

juggling

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 1:52 am

Btw if other people know this about him and he never mentioned it to you, he probably assumes everyone knows. And is discreet enough not to discuss it at the shabbos table.

I'm with those who don't understand what the issue is. Be nice to him, act normal. If he was asking to bring a date, or inviting you to his wedding, you'd perhaps have legitimate concerns about how to handle it. Otherwise he's just a human being. It's a chesed to host him with grace.

amother

Zinnia

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 2:04 am

amother OP wrote:

It's such a different situation not used to it and wasnt not spoken about just people know and now we know.

I'm getting uncomfortable inviting or having other guys over with him

Gay people aren’t attracted to every other guy just cuz they have a p*nis.
Their attraction is like straight people.

amother

Moonstone

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 2:30 am

essie14 wrote:

He can’t?
B”H I am am so relieved.

(I hope you all know that I am being snarky and nobody here actually thinks it is contagious-otherwise being straight would be contagious too and we could just turn him straight at lunch.)

LovesHashem

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 2:37 am

amother Blueberry wrote:

We don't even know what type of gay he is. There's people in the community who are gay and have chosen not to act on it and will live life alone and serve hashem as best they can.

How horrible to know you will never marry because of a way you didn't get to choose, and now you are no longer welcome as a guest either.

Its almost like some of you want to make people go OTD.

DH and I know a few people from both of hometowns like this. They are wonderful amazing jews. It's disgusting to push them away from the community.

And even if he is acting on his gay tendacies as long as that's something he keeps private and doesn't talk about or SHARE - Why can't yall just pretend it doesn't exist too and treat him like anyone else.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 2:58 am

amother OP wrote:

It's such a different situation not used to it and wasnt not spoken about just people know and now we know.

I'm getting uncomfortable inviting or having other guys over with him

But why? Just like not every heterosexual person is not attracted to every other heterosexual person, so too, not every gay man is attracted to every male out there. Thats just not how it works.
Continue having guests. Just like you, hipefully, dont discuss your s-xual orientation at shabbat lunch, hoping the same with regards to this guest. He just wants to be accepted as a frum man it seems. Dont push him away because of his s-xual orientation.

amother

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 6:56 am

It's uncomfortable and I spoke with our rav and the person living that lifestyle isn't someone I want my kids to spend time with at my table my table is special for my family and people we can feel comfortable with. It's a personal individual thing.

singleagain

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 7:42 am

amother OP wrote:

How do you know he's living the "lifestyle"

Also if he has been respectful and not showing that side of him till now... Why would you assume he'd suddenly stop

amother

Snapdragon

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 7:52 am

ShishKabob wrote:

lesbians don’t have the same rules as gays according to Judaism. It’s not equivalent at all according to Halacha.

This is liable to be misunderstood, so let's make it clear: lesbian s-x is assur. The only difference is that it's derabbanan while gay s-x is deoraisa.

amother

Garnet

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 7:53 am

amother Snapdragon wrote:

This is liable to be misunderstood, so let's make it clear: lesbian s-x is assur. The only difference is that it's derabbanan while gay s-x is deoraisa.

Source for that please?

amother

Bisque

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 8:03 am

To be clear any s-x that is not one male and one female is assur. The punishment for gay is worse than lesbian which is why people claim only gay is an issue. It’s just a bigger aveira.

amother

Beige

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 9:17 am

Firstly, are you 100% sure that the person who told you this is correct? I had a colleague who told me that another colleague is gay. Turns out she thinks everyone that doesnt hit on her is gay. second of all, you'd willingly own up to the fact that youre a homophobe and dont want him at your shabbos table, even if he did nothing that lets you know his s-xual preferences?

gosh. Banging head

amother

Garnet

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 9:23 am

amother OP wrote:

So if you already knew what you were going to do, why the need to post? This is a charged topic for sure.

amother

Snapdragon

Fri, Mar 10 2023, 9:32 am

amother OP wrote:

What do you mean by "living the lifestyle"? I think it makes a difference if this person is openly and proudly gay or not. I would be uncomfortable with anyone being around my kids who openly and proudly, with full knowledge, violates fundamental mitzvos on purpose.