Tls agenda and my personal vent

amother

Sun, Apr 02 2023, 7:49 pm

Tls (the lakewood scoop( keeps publishing letters from parents tipping morahs. They had a really backwards one chanukah time that even appeared her on imamother. Just to get people heated up.

Seriously I think our society is not fair not in the Jewish world and not in the non Jewish world. Many belong to different "support groups" and your a lowering you don't.

My husband and I are middle class hard working people. We work many hours come home to our healthy yet challenging brood. some hard and sensory kids, and highly sensitive kids. Yet text don't fit under the category of any diagnosis.

If you are poor you get poor support, teacher/rebbe; teacher/ribbed support certain special needs are related categories; support
African America;racist support. I feel bad for some of the people in each category but others are managing just fine. It's hard not to feel resentment to the ones that don't need the support but get alot of support. While we are trying to live every day. Pay the bills and survive whatever life throws our way.

The moral is a particular sore spot before Yom tov. Some of my kids morahs are dedicated and hard working. Some are not. This is a job they chose it works for them. They chose it. They make money from it. We struggle to cover our bills. Some morahs do also some don't.
One child's moral went to Isreal for success to visit family she took off Many days in between, then she went on bedrest then maternity leave. Another teacher comes late every day the kids start davening on their own. They get off before Yom Tov. They chose this field, it works for them.

It's nice for people to feel Hakoros Hatov to people who help us. People who care for us and not feel "entitled" but could the little people chose who they feel entitled to show Hakoros Hatov? I feel hakoros hatov to my neighbor that takes my children every time I run late home from work. She does it purely as a favor because she knows how stuck I am for free. Why is it important to give this teacher that had a baby, a chanukah baby and purim gift. So my child isn't embarrassed to be the only one to chip in $10 for chanukah.

amother

Poppy

Sun, Apr 02 2023, 8:25 pm

amother DarkOrange wrote:

I’m sorry you feel like you have it hard but it doesn’t mean that others can’t have it hard too.

You've just agreed with op. She's saying that, yes in theory, teachers earn less so they should be tipped. But practically, this is not true always and even if so, why is there an obligation to tip teachers simply for being teachers when working parents need the money, sometimes more? I do agree that teachers are underpaid but tipping is a ridiculous solution. The schools should be transparent and share where the money goes and pay their teachers more. And as the economy continues to go down, people should hold their schools accountable. Thankfully this culture hasn't seeped into my community yet.

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Apr 03 2023, 12:45 am

Years ago, someone commented about her sons rebbi, he’s way richer than me, he doesn’t need my stupid gift.
She said it to a different Rebbis wife, who then said, why do you give a small gift, because you think the rebbi needs it, or because it’s your way of saying thank you?
I agree with that. You’re not comparing who’s struggling more. It’s just to say thank you. If you think the morah doesn’t do much, no one is obligating you to give it.

amother

Celeste

Mon, Apr 03 2023, 8:09 am

amother Offwhite wrote:

The problem is that we just finished the whole "thank you campaign" by Purim. And Chanuka. And we are being bombarded with Chasdei Lev fundraisers.
At a certain point, it's just enough.
I said thank you. With money. And again. Now, let's look at who is actually more needy.
Pesach is about giving matza and wine to those who need and would otherwise not have. So now it's time to look at that qualification and not hakaras hatov

amother

Ballota

Mon, Apr 03 2023, 8:17 am

amother Offwhite wrote:

Then why all the campaigns for it?

amother

Bottlebrush

Mon, Apr 03 2023, 9:10 am

TLS publishes letter that readers submit. They don't have an agenda. If you want to write a letter, you can do that too.
Beside we live in a town where many are struggling but many are making and spending a lot too especiallybefore yom tov.(just walk into a children's store and check out the price of a baby romper, it very often equals the price of a tip!)

How does it affect you if someone give someone else a present? Ignore the letter! I wouldn't do it as I don't have the means to do so, but I thought it was sweet!
BTW the letter this week was grandparents sending a gift to all their grandchildren's rebbeim!

amother

Ballota

Mon, Apr 03 2023, 10:01 am

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

It's sweet and nice. But when things are heavily swayed for one group, it automatically diminishes the needs of others. It sort of prioritizes this one group and makes them out to be the one with the highest need.

There are plenty of poverty stricken people who are more in need than teachers or rebbes. If campaigns are pushed for teachers for every YT and really stuck in our faces chanukah, purim, pesach and more, it's a bit much. Choose one time period and run with it if you want to bring attention to it. But it shouldn't be dominating every YT on our calendar.

Fox

Mon, Apr 03 2023, 12:04 pm

I understand what you're saying, OP. I've always detested the assumption that people "in business" are automatically affluent and that people in chinuch and related fields are automatically in need of assistance. It's a lazy and facile stereotype.

Like everything else, we all suffer when standards keep going up.

The menahel of my sons' cheder once urged parents to remember the rebbeim on holidays by telling a story from his youth: his mother would collect box tops and trading stamps all year to order to gift her children's teachers with a silver teaspoon or maybe some cups and saucers.

It was a lovely story, but can you imagine doing that today? I don't believe any of my children's teachers would have appreciated housewares, and I suspect most of them would have considered a parent socially off for presenting such a gift.

Nor am I certain the practice conveys the message we intend. It reduces hakores hatov to a financial transaction -- just another bill to pay -- and places chinuch professionals in the hospitality industry.

My kids are all grown, but I remember the acceleration. It started with $2-$5 or "whatever you can afford" per teacher. Then it went to "$5 suggested." By the time my last child graduated, it was virtually a full-blown fundraising campaign.

It's a wonderful custom in theory. But it's clearly gotten out of hand.

Chaya123

Mon, Apr 03 2023, 12:31 pm

I don't feel pressured to give gifts just bec others do. I know what I can afford and I think the teachers understand. My husband is a Rebbe and we truly relied on and appreciated and spent every penny that he got. I tipped each teacher on Purim with Shalach Manos, basic amount and can't do more than that, although I have such tremendous hakaras hatov to them. I try to keep up with tuition payments but even that is a real struggle. We just do what we can and that's it. Kol hakavod to those who have the means and are able to tip. Every bit is much appreciated.