Why is it this way?

justforfun87

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 6:54 pm

As the hours come closer to Pesach I can't help to feel the huge divide between those who seemingly slave away for chag (me) and those who go away/to family. I'm trying to see why this path was chosen for me while others seemingly are coasting through.
Ok that's all. Needed to get it out.

amother

Opal

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 6:56 pm

I get you. I’m lying in bed (it’s 2 am here in Israel) and I can’t fall asleep because my body is in so much pain from the exhaustion.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:03 pm

giftedmom wrote:

All I can say is I went away for years and I feel lucky every minute of every day that we get to be home

I can so relate

hodeez

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:04 pm

I wouldn't trade being home to going away, even if it was all expense paid. Nothing beats home, even if it takes so much more effort. Thank you Hashem that we are capable to usher in this beautiful yom tov within our own daled amot.

amother

Begonia

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:09 pm

Before Pesach is so much harder when staying home. During is so much harder when going away.

As someone for whom it's 7pm and I should be working but my feet won't hold me anymore so I'm sitting wrapping pretzels in foil, I get you. But I pushed to stay home.

amother

Yolk

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:09 pm

Our car died its final death on Sunday and I just found out that I need a root canal. We have dental insurance but it's maxed out. This root canal will cost 2.5k that we don't have.

Why do some people have money for cars and dental work and plenty left over for new diamond earrings and matching European wardrobes for their kids while my hardworking husband and I don't?

I comfort myself with the thought that God loves me and only sends me the trials I need to make the most of my life, to reach my fullest potential. This tooth pain that I can't afford to heal must be good for me in some way. I don't understand and I don't like it, but I believe that it really is what's best for me.

giftedmom

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:11 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

Exactly! There is about a week of intense work, which I learned with time how to mitigate and make easier, but then when YT comes the peace is unmatched. So worth it.

hodeez

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:14 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

Refuah shelaimah Hug

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:16 pm

giftedmom wrote:

All I can say is I went away for years and I feel lucky every minute of every day that we get to be home

Same! It’s just not the same away as it is home.

amother

Oleander

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:19 pm

We go away pesach. We go to parents and in-laws (part in a hotel).
During Covid we stayed home. The last year we even had in-laws in my house for 9 days. I LOVED being home.
It’s not the parents/in-laws wish for us to be in our house. B”H we have healthy parents who make pesach/can afford to take us away.
I hope to do whatever is best for them until they are 120.

amother

Mulberry

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:31 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

Personally I find it a thousand times harder to go away

So don't go away. No one is forcing you to go away by gunpoint- you stayed home during covid right? So tell whoever is "making you" that you don't want to go.
Meanwhile all of us who HAVE to stay home, clean. Cook. Shop. Entertain kids. Clean. Cook. Hear complaints from kids. WORK CHOL HAMOED. No trips. Clean. Cook....
Don't want to hear people complaining about you not wanting to go away. Rolling Eyes

ysydmom

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:31 pm

I've gone away to family much rather stay home I get my own bed, my own friends, walks in parks, daven in my shul, spend time with my kids and my husband. If we go away everyone's attention is majorly divided and we have to deal with politics we were going to go away to an empty relatives apartment but that would have involved lot's of planning and packing as we would have had to bring everything with us. Not worth the stress so home it is. we can go away another time.

amother

Mintgreen

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:47 pm

We went away every year till last year. And now I wouldn't hear of going away. Going away is so much more exhausting than being home.

amother

Petunia

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:51 pm

Oh, OP, I feel you!!!!

I kept thinking to myself, why am I dissolving in a puddle of exhausted tears? Is this how we prepare to celebrate a joyful holiday? I have a lot of blessings and am so grateful for them but really struggle with the cleaning, cooking, shopping, managing children, and all of the expectations. The whole buildup is hard, and the 8 days of yom tov can be challenging, too.

My husband says if we feel this way then we must be doing something wrong. And I really believe him. But how?

What should I be doing differently? I have been doing this for 15+ years. I know the shortcuts. But still I feel so tense and wrung out.

😭

amother

Bluebell

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:52 pm

giftedmom wrote:

All I can say is I went away for years and I feel lucky every minute of every day that we get to be home

same I grew up going to very high end hotels , u couldn’t pay me to go away making Pesach at home is a million times nicer!

NotInNJMommy

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:54 pm

Certain things are hard. Pesach is hard. We all think someone else has it easier than we do, but most of us prefer our peckeleh ultimately...with Pesach and other things too.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:55 pm

I'm home and hosting for a few meals. I don't feel like I'm slaving b"h. Maybe because I don't have a huge family? I have a few teens and a toddler.
I don't accept any chumras that make my job harder (I'm chassidish, there were many that I dropped). I've learned over the years how to be really chill with prep and it's so worth it.
I even baked chametz cookies today from frozen dough I had in my freezer.
I don't have a Pesach kitchen but I keep my milchig side and one oven chametzdig till erev yomtov.
I don't freak out over every crumb someone drops. I don't spring clean. I don't go around to all my cabinets throwing out or frantically trying to use up chametz. I close it and sell.
My toddler is sick and I'm busy with him most of the day and not sleeping well at night. I still feel extremely calm and ready.
I'm very proud of myself. I've come a long way.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 7:59 pm

The kids complain no matter where you are. I prefer being home because I control the food situation and that's the reason tensions run high. My mother always had the house stocked once she turned over. At my in laws it's not and it's challenging. Is pesach hard? Not if you set limits and realistic expectations.