Why is it this way?

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 10:09 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

I feel you op. For me it’s more about the resentment than the actual hard work. It’s one thing to choose to stay home. And for those who say it’s much nicer maybe that’s because you had you’re turn being hosted and now you’re starting to stay home. I never had my turn. I always made yt. My neighbors all go away to family and I can’t stand hearing them complain about the packing. They can all stay home like I do if they so choose. It also hurts to see them being busy shopping for clothes and asking about pesach makeup when all my time and money goes to slaving in the kitchen. I wish I had my turn to be hosted. Instead I’m hosting my in-laws this year and when I said I’m cooking everything in advance one woman commented oh wow you’ll be on vacation on yt. This same women is going away and not lifting a finger. It’s like I live in another universe.

I relate so much! I’m not hosting my in laws but I’m finding the resentment of having to be home harder than the actual work and it’s a loott of work! It’s hard. It’s just not fair.

BaltoMom65

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 10:09 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

I think the divide is more between those who do what is required and nothing more and those who seem to have an obsessive cleaning ritual. I can't imagine what it would be like to have such fanatic cleaning rituals - this is not a judgment but just an observation that much of the excessive is a personal decision.

Judging from this thread, the divide is clearly a financial one.

ruchelbuckle

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 10:20 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

Yes, totally! It's really hard when I've been grocery shopping non stop, making tons of lists, trying to clean my house, and some shnooky in the park mentions how hard it is to pack for y"t. Especially since she couldn't find a coordinating headband for her 6 month olds dress.

And then never mind y"t itself: a long stream of seudas, clean up, and entertaining my kids while my husband is at shul. Oh, and never mind the long y"t afternoons that we are expecting rain. And I don't have any single sisters that I can dump my kids on while I take a nap like everyone else seems to have. . BH, I'm very happy it's y"t, but I don't want to hear about how hard the drive to your parents/in laws can be.

P.S. If anyone knows where I can rent a single sister for an afternoon who would watch my kids while I take a nap, please let me know.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 10:26 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

I definitely do the minimum but even that is a lot of extra time and energy. And cooking for a 3 day yt? I don't have cleaning help, I have little kids, I work full time, my husband who usually helps a lot is only available to help minimally this year. So yes, I'm slaving away even though it's for less time than other people who do more.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 10:46 pm

amother NeonOrange wrote:

I don’t mind staying home but I feel I huge devide between the people who enjoy spending time with their husbands and people like myself who are anxious about spending so much time with him. It’s so painful. Why me? I get along with everyone, why did this happen to me ? It hurts terribly . Such is life .

I relate to this too. I hate having to do all the cleaning and cooking and prepping to just be stuck at home (while all my friends and neighbors are away) with my husband and my children who are bored and kvetching. We can't have guests because of my husband and it becomes doubly torturous. I would be thrilled to host some relatives honestly. It would make it worthwhile.

amother

Skyblue

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 11:13 pm

I’m home and hosting some family members for the whole yt. I have a few young kids including a demanding 3 month old. I am slaving away and I’m exhausted. One of my kids got injured yesterday and had to see a specialist. My DH works long hours plus trying to help me and he’s exhausted too. But- the family members we’re hosting are coming to us because they’re unwell and incapable of making even the simplest yt. When I think of their situation, I am endlessly grateful to be able to be the one slaving away and hope to always be on the giving end.

giftedmom

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 11:20 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

Yes
I grew up with all that anxiety and swore to never repeat that

amother

Yellow

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 11:37 pm

I agree with a previous poster who said that the divide is those that have money and those that don't.
I've done it both ways. When money is more abundant, I can hire more cleaning help, buy more takeout the week before, not have to run to multiple stores for the best prices, could treat myself and my kids to rewards for doing a good job (jewelry, toys, clothes, mani).

This year money is much tighter and it's so much more stressful.

BaltoMom65

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 11:42 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

100%. Those who have never had this struggle truly cannot understand

flowerpower

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 11:43 pm

Experience taught me when to start cleaning, how to clean, how to shop, how to cook, what to cook, how my kitchen layout should be, to use only nice disposables so I don’t have to live at the kitchen sink etc….. bh I don’t find Pesach preps a stress at all. I’m home for all meals plus hosting lots of guest. If you’re a mom of only little kids find a bored teen and pay her to take your kids out to the park or wherever. If you’re home and bored- get your kids special Pesach toys to keep busy and get yourself a good book or something special. And to those that complain that those going away can’t complain- they sure can. Packing up a family for Pesach is hard. There is lots to pack. Hard to be a guest as well. Everyone is allowed to complain!

amother

Nasturtium

Tue, Apr 04 2023, 11:59 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Notice that every single one of your suggestions involve spending money.
Clearly you’re not understanding what’s being said!

flowerpower

Wed, Apr 05 2023, 12:16 am

amother Nasturtium wrote:

Notice that every single one of your suggestions involve spending money.
Clearly you’re not understanding what’s being said!

This post is about being very financially strapped and therefore struggling to cover Pesach expenses or working hard preparing for yom tov at home vs going away?

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 05 2023, 12:17 am

I am making Pesach this year and having a lot of guests for second days. No matter how much I accomplish there seems to be a never ending amount of jobs that need to get done. I started early and didn't spring clean. I even have a pesach kitchen and made simple food. I can't manage to stay on top of the cooking and prep for Seder.

amother

Buttercup

Wed, Apr 05 2023, 12:59 am

I go away to family and work really really hard!! I honestly feel that being home would actually be easier for me, I do things more in advance so wouldn't end up slaving like I do by fam. I have had years that I stayed home and found it so much less exhausting.
I personally would LOVE 2 stay at home but my in laws and parents want us 2 come and honestly need our help at this point... what keeps me going is that my children get to spend time with their grandparents and they love it!

amother

Blueberry

Wed, Apr 05 2023, 2:46 am

amother Bellflower wrote:

I strongly disagree. The hard part of making pesach is the kitchen, turning over & lining counters & fridge, non-stop laundry marathon, too many grocery runs, kids all home, last day house vacuum & wash bedding, feeding kids chometz every 5 minutes while already cooking for pesach etc etc. The fact that I did spring cleaning a month ago doesn't make this week any harder or easier.

amother

Daphne

Wed, Apr 05 2023, 3:24 am

amother Buttercup wrote:

This. I’ve done both ways and going away isn’t more relaxing at all. I’m due over pesach and didn’t have any alternate plans where I live. Lucky to be invited by family, but yes- my mom does everything the last day/ on the chag. She’s very into elaborate tables and long meals with fresh salads etc and host lots of guests. So at home I’d set the table for 4 with basic settings (probably plastic at this stage! But even if not) and serve an hour long meal. By my mom I’m running after my kids while trying to help her do even a fraction of what needs to be done by her. My kids have zero rhythm or routine. I get very little rest at all…

Agree that finances play a big part- not that I can afford luxuries when staying home but it’s nice to save the money when going away.

DustyDiamonds

Wed, Apr 05 2023, 4:02 am

I just got into bed, almost 4am here, and just noticed that my feet are throbbing!

I’ve been to fancy Pesach hotels. I would go back for a long weekend during the year, but not for more than 3 days, and not for Pesach. It’s nice to be served, and have entertainment for the kids.

BUT! My room was always a few minute walk from the dining room, so night meals were so challenging. Either I hired a babysitter the kids didn’t like, or kept them up super late. As they got older I put them to bed and went to check on them every 30 minutes. In my wig and nice shoes. For the day meals, my kids were forever running around and lost, and if they missed a meal there were just snacks in the tea room until the next meal.

I was either in my bed, in the dining room, or sometimes snagged a couch in the lobby, but couldn’t put my feet up and relax with a book! Which is my favorite part of YT! Relaxing in bed is not as comfortable, and it was hard to shlep snacks to my room to eat while reading in bed! And then crumbs in my bed, ugh! I love reading on my couch with snacks nearby on the end table!

The meals were loud and noisy, I was constantly running after the kids, the waiters were holding massive trays of soup and my toddlers running underfoot… the schedule was weird, after shacharis there was a massive kiddush, then an hour break, then a meal, so barely any time to chill! The chol hamoed evening entertainment ended super late, and I’d wake up around 6am from lots of noisy early bird kids running down the hallway and slamming doors!

Love being home. BH I have some cleaning help. I would love to have more, and I fully understand the challenges and hardships of not being able to afford help and conveniences.

I bless you all with lots of inner peace and good health and loads of money!