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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Apr 05 2023, 2:10 pm
Dh and I work full time. Bh we earn a decent salary.
Inflation is hitting us hard. The last 2 months I wasn't able to cover my bills. I pay for food, Amazon, clothing, co-pays. We have deductibles and Co insurance. I had a medical issue recently. Dh paid off my credit card and warned me not to buy myself anything. So I didn't.
I had purchased my boys new shirts a few months ago. My girls got new dresses. (1 girl bh grew and nothing fit, the other got 1 new dress) I got nothing.
I'm packing now and feel awful. We are going to spend yt with family. Everyone will be wearing new clothing, new jewelry, and I have nothing.
Dh can also use a new suit.
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amother
Dimgray
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 2:24 pm
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Neither did I, and almost all my clothes are at least 15 or 20 years old.
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amother
Wallflower
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 2:27 pm
So sorry. I have one new skirt from Amazon, because I bought it for DD and we missed the return date. More her taste than mine.
If you can spare $15, I would stop at a local drug store and buy a pair of cheap but nice looking earrings, or a necklace. It will cost 10 or 15 dollars, and you can wear it feeling nice about something new. My experience is that unless you tell people, they can't tell where you got it- my Shabbos earring that I've been wearing for a year are from CVS. And I have other more expensive things but like these better.
If not, not. If you don't want to talk about not having the money, you can stick with "I was so busy this year somehow I never got to it... B"H for kids, right?"
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amother
Diamond
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 2:46 pm
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amother
Blueberry
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 2:47 pm
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Can you still get something? I got a klp lipstick which I usually don't get, it makes me feel a bit less like a rag.
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amother
Amaryllis
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 3:01 pm
I got a lipstick, that I didnt even buy. my mother didnt like the color on her.
I didnt get anything new.
feeling sad too
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amother
Chambray
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 3:03 pm
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I'm sorry. Can u make it a priority to get something for shavuos? Its also one of the shalosh regalim. That way u can tell urself to anticipate something even if right now it's too late.
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amother
Green
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 3:05 pm
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I wish you would have posted yesterday or two days ago. I would have sent you something
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giftedmom
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 3:07 pm
| amother Green wrote: | | I wish you would have posted yesterday or two days ago. I would have sent you something |
Yes, same
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amother
Green
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 3:09 pm
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Do you like to read? Are there any newsstands or supermarkets still open where you live? Can I send you money to buy yourself some reading materials?
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amother
NeonPink
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 3:58 pm
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I didn’t get anything new for myself this year either. No new dress. No jewelry (I asked DH to get me, but he basically said I didn’t slave away cleaning cuz I don’t do it like his childhood).
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amother
OP
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 4:16 pm
Thanks everyone that responded. I hope that I remember your love and warmth all Yom tov.
We bh can afford basics. Inflation is awful for the middle class.
We live way below our means. Savings is a priority and dh refuses to adjust due to inflation.
I will start looking for clothing now for shavous and not wait until right before. That's great advise. Thank you!
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 4:24 pm
I didn't get anything either. But I didn't expect anything either. I didn't have time to go shopping so I couldn't get anything. I happen to have got my husband a present so he'll get something new but I'm not expecting anything nor will I be upset if I don't get anything.
I am so looking forward to a beautiful Yom tov.
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amother
Dimgray
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 4:36 pm
| amother NeonPink wrote: | | I didn’t get anything new for myself this year either. No new dress. No jewelry (I asked DH to get me, but he basically said I didn’t slave away cleaning cuz I don’t do it like his childhood). | . What??? Your husband decides whether you deserve a gift based on how hard he thinks you work compared to his mother??
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BH Yom Yom
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 4:49 pm
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We were hoping to go to a thrift store or consignment shop to get me something but ran out of time. Oh well. Maybe for Shavuos. But honestly clothing is not really my simchas YT (Sanguine’s a”h Pesach brownies, on the other hand…😋).
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amother
NeonPink
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 4:54 pm
| amother Dimgray wrote: | | . What??? Your husband decides whether you deserve a gift based on how hard he thinks you work compared to his mother?? |
I’m not sure if he was joking or not. But he said “gifts are because the women slave away cleaning for pesach, do you think you slaved away?” I do have cleaning help and also I’m not as intense as he had growing up. Idk. Even if we paid to go away I still think it’s nice to get a gift for YT.
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 5:06 pm
| amother Lemonchiffon wrote: | I didn't get anything either. But I didn't expect anything either. I didn't have time to go shopping so I couldn't get anything. I have to have what my husband or present so he'll get something new but I'm not expecting anything nor will I be upset if I don't get anything.
I am so looking forward to a beautiful Yom tov. |
So my husband took the kids out earlier for a bit and they bought me a bunch of pairs of shoes and some costume jewelry. ( Most of it not to my style . Lol ...but happy they thought to get something)
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cnc
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 5:14 pm
| amother Lemonchiffon wrote: | | So my husband took the kids out earlier for a bit and they bought me a bunch of pairs of shoes and some costume jewelry. ( Most of it not to my style . Lol ...but happy they thought to get something) |
That’s so sweet!
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chocolate moose
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 5:14 pm
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amother
Dimgray
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Wed, Apr 05 2023, 5:16 pm
| amother NeonPink wrote: | | I’m not sure if he was joking or not. But he said “gifts are because the women slave away cleaning for pesach, do you think you slaved away?” I do have cleaning help and also I’m not as intense as he had growing up. Idk. Even if we paid to go away I still think it’s nice to get a gift for YT. |
May I slap your dh in the face? Or knee him somewhere else? His ignorance is showing. Or maybe he's pulling that nasty trick some men do, spouting arrant halachic-sounding nonsense to suit their own agenda, assuming their wives won't know any better
YT Gifts for wives and children are required in order to give them simchat YT and are not a reward for doing things to suit the man of the house. Rambam says that simchat YT for men means meat and wine (my dh would totally agree), for women means clothing, shoes and jewelry, for children means treats like nuts and fruit.
These are gifts to make them happy, not payment for working hard. You don't have to "deserve" them. And this goes for every YT not just Pesach.
Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, it's not a mitzvah to slave away cleaning for Pesach. If you can make it easy on yourself, you're allowed. Just because your dh mom made herself into a rag before Pesach doesn't mean you have to. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
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