How much time from when dh comes home from shul till kadesh?

amother

Sun, Apr 09 2023, 11:34 pm

Every year dh says how he want so start right away. I have everything ready on the table. Even his kittel on his chair. For some reason it’s 30-45 minutes till he says Kadesh. Why? He sets up his kaarah ( Minhag to do it then, not before). I’m not sure what else takes so long. Then our Seder is over at 3, when he says he wants it done much earlier.
For next year I want to get moving faster. Looking for tips. (Magid took about 1 1/2 hours).
Matza 10 minutes, maror 5 minutes, Korech 5 minutes, shulChan orech an hour,

For those who finish early, how long from dh coming home till kadesh is said? And if it’s right away, when do you set up kaarah? Also any other tips for getting things moving?

amother

Burntblack

Sun, Apr 09 2023, 11:41 pm

First night we start the second he walks in the door. He puts on his kittel and selects his matzahs while I gather the kids and pour the grape juice and wine. I do the ka'arah while he's at shul.

First night we started at about 8:45, got to shulchan orech at 11, bentsched at 12 and were done at 1.

Second night is trickier because we need to wait until tzeis to prepare. We were an hour later.

happy7

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 12:03 am

It took me until I became an adult to realize that setting up the kaarah is PART of the Seder. It is the beginning of their Seder, NOT Kadeish.
The understanding of that changed my perspective a lot.
Instead of getting upset that it takes so much time, we now do it as a family. With explanation. We are all present when the kaarah is being set up.

We do a Seder that moves very smoothly.
We have EVERYTHING ready before. All the supplies. And the cold food for the meal.
We are usually about 20-25 the first night and 15/20 the second.
The Seder takes 3/3.5 hours. From setting up the kaarah until the final kos and lishana Habaah.
Then it is over, and whoever wants to can sit and sing.

From when we start setting up the kaarah, until everyone fills the Kos for kadesh is 15 minutes.

It takes one hour from kadeish until the end of magid.

About 45 minutes for washing until after Korech

45 minutes to an hour for the meal and cleanup

15 minutes afikoman/bentching

25 minutes until the end.

And then extra singing that isn’t part of the official Seder.

pause

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 12:07 am

The afikomen negotiations, actual eating, and bentching totals more than 15 minutes here.

Shefoch chamoscha and all of hallel is also a good 30 minutes.

The singing of all the sings after nirtza is part of the seder for us. It's actually one of the highlights my kids look forward to.

Otherwise, yes, I agree with your perspective: Setting up the ka'arah is PART of the seder. We are all sitting at the table while DH sets it up. He does this as soon as he comes home from shul, and as soon as he is done, we make kiddush.

Last edited by pause on Mon, Apr 10 2023, 12:08 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 12:08 am

Preparing the kaarah just means taking the prepped 6 little plates that I prepare on the table and placing it onto the kaarah. Same can be done for the matzahs. Hagadas picked out, wine opened…
I also prep the washing cup, veg and saltwater on the table so we can do the first 4 parts of the Seder without waiting.
It still takes long, but not before kadeish.
Also maybe don’t wait for him to come home to light candles.

miami85

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 12:16 am

amother OP wrote:

For years the relatives I went to for years had the same situation, every year they finished 2-3am (I usually finished up my hallel and nirtza on my own since I couldn't sing with them anyway). Every year there was always the "let's keep moving, let's keep moving" and they would finish the same time every year.

Then when I got married and had my own seder, my seders--in the same city we're often asleep before chatzos or a bit later on the 2nd night. I think it has to do more with style and personality more than anything you can DO. I don't know of anything we DO differently. I think my kids share less and just are more motivated to keep it moving.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 2:20 am

Absolutely everything is prepped and ready to go. There's no reason the keara can't be prepared in advance - there's no actual minhag at work here. If dh wants to do it himself, he can do it before going to shul. If he insists on doing it when he comes home, then have all the elements on the table next to it. He can put them on the plate in the right places.

And I can't think of any reason why a man would have to choose his own matzos. Do you not know what a whole matza looks like?

amother

Wheat

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 4:03 am

Quote:

And I can't think of any reason why a man would have to choose his own matzos. Do you not know what a whole matza looks like?

Ok. But Im happy my husband likes to choose his owm.

He makes a big deal and he chooses with my son together.

Please dont be so black and white.

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 4:53 am

amother Wheat wrote:

Quote:

And I can't think of any reason why a man would have to choose his own matzos. Do you not know what a whole matza looks like?

Ok. But Im happy my husband likes to choose his owm.

He makes a big deal and he chooses with my son together.

Please dont be so black and white.

For my husband choosing matzah is like choosing arbah minim. Not quite but he examines both and chooses which he thinks are best

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 6:49 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

For my husband choosing matzah is like choosing arbah minim. Not quite but he examines both and chooses which he thinks are best

What's he looking for? And why can't you, who have exactly the same obligation in achilas matzah, be trusted? And why can't this happen erev yom tov?

pause

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 9:25 am

amother Floralwhite wrote:

What's he looking for? And why can't you, who have exactly the same obligation in achilas matzah, be trusted? And why can't this happen erev yom tov?

DH bakes matzos erev Pesach and comes home with exactly six matzos. He needs to analyze which one should go for Levi (the one that's already partially broken), ensure the other two are completely whole (for lechem mishna) and carefully places them inside the k'arah since they're usually not so perfectly round... He also says stuff before and during the placement of things in/on the k'arah.

He cannot do this erev YT because he comes home from baking his matzos on erev YT with just enough time to spare to eat something, watch the kids to give me a few minutes break, and then go to shul.

tryinghard

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 9:32 am

No matter how organized and prepared we are, we still take quite a while to get everyone assembled and started. But even the time we start right away, it doesn’t seem to make much difference in what time we end. We almost always end between 1:30 and 2:15

amother

Violet

Mon, Apr 10 2023, 9:33 am

We typically go to a relative for the Sedarim. It takes about 2 hours to start.
The men come home and freshly grind the marror. Chatzos isn't something they are makpid about. The youngest at the seder is a teenager. We typically end around 3:30