Coming to terms with sharing a name

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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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amother

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:34 am

My kids are all named after relatives and dh and I always both genuinely liked the names we used and there was never an issue of needing to convince ourselves about a name or try to come up with a more "palatable" alternative. It also so happens that none of our kids share names with cousins. On my side because my family is very flexible with names and considers any connection enough, so if family A was the first to have, say, a boy after relative Shlomo passed, they would name Shlomo, and family B might decide to then name their next boy Shalom, and it counts as naming after him also but everyone still has their "own" name. In dh's family, there are lots of cousins with the same name (dh himself is one of 5 cousins with the same name all named after the same person), but so far, it's just worked out in terms of timing/genders that of our kids named after people on his side, our kids are the only ones with those names so far.

Well, there's been a dear relative dh has been wanting to name after for quite awhile. It hasn't worked out until now because we haven't that gender since that person's passing but now we are having that gender. One of dh's siblings has had that gender and has used the name. The name is ok, fairly standard, common Jewish name, nothing "terrible" or out there, but also definitely not one I would choose, all things being equal. But ultimately, I don't have any real issues with the name, it's a perfectly good name, it suits my nibling and I'm sure it'll suit my baby too. But for some reason, the fact that the name has already been used, that my baby will be sharing it with a cousin, it's really really bothering me. I know this is a me problem. Dh has been waiting for this and it means a lot to him. And most frum families have some overlap between cousins, it's how we do things. But a part of me is screaming, I want my baby to have their own name! Can't we do just this person's middle name instead? Or a similar sounding but still different name? I know the answer is no, but this is still nagging at me. Those of you whose kids share names with cousins, help me come to terms with this!

amother

Molasses

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:36 am

What if you named first, and a bunch of siblings copied and gave the same name after?

Would you like the name less if, over time, it became more and more shared?

(I share a name with cousins, as do our kids. And we actually love it. There is a wonderful bond knowing that we are part of a “collection” all chosen to carry on a unique individual’s legacy. Our kids share names with literally dozens of relatives. It’s really special!!)

amother

Amber

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:40 am

It’s funny I actually love that my baby shares a name (with his second cousin) I feel it connects the boys and they share something really special. Fwiw they aren’t called the exact same name.

amother

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:42 am

I don't think I would like the name less, but I do think I would also feel some feelings when it happens (and it's bound to happen eventually) but get over it fairly quickly. I guess I'm feeling it more because I'm the one naming.

Ema of 5

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:46 am

Can you give another name along with that name and use the other name? Or come up with a unique nickname?

DustyDiamonds

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:47 am

Interesting.

Do your kids get together with their cousins regularly?

I grew up with many cousins having the same name, and have many siblings and siblings-in-law who have kids with the same name, so I’m not familiar with your issue, although I hear and appreciate your concern.

Would the two kids with the same name, if you gave it, be in the same grade?

One of my DD’s is named a double name after my side of the family. A year later, DH’s brother and his wife named their child the same name after SIL’s side of the family. So, there are two “Sara Gold”s who are a grade apart in the family, even though they’re not named after the same person!

When we spend time with them, they end up calling my DD “Sara Rivka” (we don’t use her middle name, and their DD has no middle name) or we call them by their towns, for example, “Sara Monsey please get into pajamas now” or “Sara Philly please find your shoes!” We all think it’s super adorable, and the kids do too!!!

Does your family have very unique names?

Did you have girls with your name in school/camp and the experience bothered you?

With common names, it’s inevitable!

amother

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:52 am

The cousins are not the same age but they are fairly close in age and will be in the same school. No differences in middle names either, dh wants to use the full name. No unusual nickname, there's only one nickname I've heard of for this name and basically everyone with this name uses it, because honestly, most people like the nickname better (myself included).

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 9:53 am

My son has a name for my husband’s grandfather. (Something like Yehudah.) three of my sisters also have Yehudah, named for THEIR husband’s families. So it can happen even if the naming isn’t for the same person.
(On my husband’s side, almost every one of his siblings has a Yehudah.)
It is not a big deal.

amother

Cornsilk

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:07 am

My husband shares a name with about 6 cousins. All the other cousins use onlt the first name and he is the only one that uses his second name. It makes him unique. Can you call your child a unique nickname?

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:17 am

Unless you make up a name like the kardashians your child will always share a name with a lot of people. I don’t see what the problem is.
Oh even if you do make up a name, lots of people are going to copy it.
You don’t have ownership rights over any name.
Name what you like and move on

amother

Trillium

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:22 am

We had a Big Ruth and Little Ruth. Both are now in their forties, and when the family gets together are still known as Big and Little Ruth! It just became part of their names.

amother

Razzmatazz

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:29 am

My kids all share names with cousins some less some more like 20 cousins have one grandfather s name it’s beautiful. I think you’re being extremely petty. And even if you give a name no one has the next one can give that.. my daughter was alone with her name for 10 years by chance.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:31 am

amother Amber wrote:

It’s funny I actually love that my baby shares a name (with his second cousin) I feel it connects the boys and they share something really special. Fwiw they aren’t called the exact same name.

Same. I grew up with BT parents and DH the same . My parents and his didn’t have much family to name after and had to come up with names of tzadikim and names they liked. We never felt connected to our namesakes. We weren’t named after anyone related to us. The next generation B”H has lots of cousins who share the same name. It gives me so much nachas to hear my grandparent’s name being mentioned over and over again amongst the next generation. The more the kids share names the merrier.

amother

Mocha

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:41 am

Pretty much all of my kids share names with cousins from one side or another (and occasionally both). There’s one name that my sister is really hoping to give (which is also my son’s name) and I can’t wait for her to join me. I think it’s fun to see how many people were named in honor of this grandfather or that great grandmother. When I know that it’s the ‘turn’ of the side whose names I will recognize, I wait to see what name they used this time. I hope, in time you will come to terms with it. Many people who name after relatives feel that the whole name should be given- without changes.

flowerpower

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:42 am

I don’t see the big deal in sharing names. All my kids share names with a couple of their cousins since they’re named after the same grandparent. So what?!?

amother

Tealblue

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:45 am

1. Okay I thought nibling was a joke on social media and not a word actually used by anyone ever.

2. Name the name you want. I named my child the same name as my best friends child. Dh was not on board with the idea during pregnancy but when the baby was born suddenly dh changed his mind. We both felt very strongly that this name suited our baby, and held meaning for us.

Your babys name isn't unique. Other people who aren't relatives have named the name. What's the difference?

amother

Hibiscus

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:46 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

I have that with one of my children. I named after my grandfather (he has tons of cousins on my side with that name) but my husband has 3 siblings and 1 cousin with same first name that they are all called by (they each have a different second name). People that know my husbands family just presume that it’s a name from that side but there actually isn’t that name anywhere that we know of on dh’s side.
Besides for that every single one of my kids has cousins with the same name, it hasn’t bothered any of them.

amother

Mocha

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:55 am

amother Tealblue wrote:

I just read this entire thread again to see where anyone mentioned the (non)word nibling. No one did except you.

amother

Tealblue

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 11:02 am

amother OP wrote:

, it's a perfectly good name, it suits my nibling and I'm sure it'll suit my baby too.

Here.

mommyhood

Tue, Apr 11 2023, 11:08 am

I come from a family like yours and also hated the idea of cousins sharing a name but my kids love it! They take pictures at every family gathering with the cousins with their names and I think it overall gives them a nice feeling of belonging with family.

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