So much guilt about daycare

amother

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:38 am

My 2 year old is in school 8:30-3:30. And I always feel guilty about it because I don’t work full time or make a full time salary. I am a freelance writer and not all of my work is billable - I’m also looking for clients, sending proposals, etc. Plus I have appts and run errands during the day.

Is this normal, do other part time workers send their kid to daycare full time? I just always feel so bad that I’m not even making a lot of money. And then I think about getting a full time job but when I did that I was so overwhelmed.

amother

Olive

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:40 am

do what's best for you. I work 10 hours a week and send my kids to childcare. it's what works for me. they are in warm loving environments and are thriving and I need some time to get stuff done and time for myself. I still spend plenty of time with them thank Gd

amother

Offwhite

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:41 am

Do you have the option of doing fewer hours at daycare? Sometimes cutting an hour can be helpful, let's say doing 9-3 instead. If the whole place is on one schedule then it is what it is, as long as your dc is happy it's ok.

amother

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:43 am

amother Offwhite wrote:

No not really :/ and the place I’m sending him to next year only has 12:30 or 4 options and I’m doing 4 and feel terrible about it. I’ll also add that my husband gets home late so he isn’t able to help quite as much.

amother

Mulberry

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:48 am

I work 12 hours a week and my toddler is out 9-3.30.

Why are you asking if its normal?

You do you.
No judgement.

I remember someone asking me if I work full time when they heard he is out full day!

mha3484

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:51 am

I buck the trend with sending kids to daycare/playgroup but I can only do it when there is a sibling for them to play with. Next year my 2.5 year old will be the only one not in school and I am very conflicted if I should have her home herself. This year she has a sister she plays with.

If your toddler would be home alone with you and no siblings I think I would not feel bad at all.

tichellady

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:59 am

omg if you are pregnant then just do it. you need to take care of yourself! he doesn't need to be home all day with an exhausted mom

amother

Mon, May 22 2023, 11:59 am

Yeah he’s my first so it’d just be me and him.

I’m also pregnant and not getting as much done bc of nausea so I feel more guilty. And I’m realizing just how fast time goes and I wish I could be with him all day but we can’t afford for me not to work at all.

amother

Begonia

Mon, May 22 2023, 12:20 pm

Studies show that cortisol levels rise in toddlers who are in daycare for a longer day. I would try to cut the hours so he isn’t out as long.

amother

Butterscotch

Mon, May 22 2023, 12:33 pm

If it’s high quality daycare with good ratios and lots of activities to stimulate and nurture his development and socialization I think it’s far better than being home while you try to work or while you lay on the couch (not feeling well or being tired) If you were able to spend time with him meaningfully or be out at the park or doing something stimulating that would be different IMO

amother

Chestnut

Mon, May 22 2023, 12:57 pm

Just because you're paying for those hours doesn't mean you need to send the whole time. I would send late or pick up early, or both.
I sent 9:30-2.

amother

Mon, May 22 2023, 1:02 pm

It is a very high quality daycare. I just have mom guilt and want to see him more but I don’t think I could make enough money with the 12:30 pick up time.

amother

Butterscotch

Mon, May 22 2023, 1:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

It is a very high quality daycare. I just have mom guilt and want to see him more but I don’t think I could make enough money with the 12:30 pick up time.

I hear you. I personally don’t have mom guilt; I know that the care my kids get is excellent and I’m doing what my family needs in terms of working to support us. We have lots of quality time in the morning, on our commute, and in the evenings, in addition of course to the weekends

imaima

Mon, May 22 2023, 1:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Think about all the fun your dc has in the daycare instead of accompanying you on your errands.

lamplighter

Mon, May 22 2023, 1:16 pm

I think a little mom guilt is healthy, if you were dropping him off with glee and good riddance that would be unhealthy. Feeling a twang that your child is separated from you for a length of time is indicative of a good mommy.
If you need to leave him for work or so you can function, then that is one way to assuage the guilt and if you are leaving him at an age where he is well cared for and is socializing that is also being a good mommy.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, May 22 2023, 1:16 pm

You need to do what works for you and toddler not everyone else. If you have the capability of enjoying each other's time at home, Taking care of all your responsibilities (self, work and household) and still happily and safety stimulating toddler then go ahead keep home or cut hrs to the shorter time.
If keeping toddler home will not be a happy positive situation for both mom and tot then child is better off at a safe loving day care .

SAHM of many BH- with no set rule about when to send out. One child went before two, and other's never left my side until over 3. Each child and stage in life is different

amother

Butterscotch

Mon, May 22 2023, 1:22 pm

lamplighter wrote:

Not sure I agree. I miss my babies when they’re at daycare. I think of them throughout the day and look forward to pickup time. I constantly check the app for photos and updates. But that’s different than guilt. I miss my babies and kids but I don’t feel guilty.

naomi2

Mon, May 22 2023, 1:52 pm

Pick him up early. You don't get the time back and soon he will have a sibling who will need more attention as well. Your guilt is telling you something, try to listen and make some changes.
This is not a post to shame you. This is encouragement for you to listen to yourself and respect your inner voice. See how you feel when you make a change and then go from there