Who decides the music volume level

amother

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:53 am

I just came back from a wedding and thd music wasn't very nice. Even my friend, the kallos mother commented.
My daughter is getting married soon iy"h, can I insist on the volume of the music and how wild its going or not going to be if I'm rhe one paying for it??
As a wedding guest, I am aware of the atmosphere it creates for the guests and do not want them to feel like they need to leave the hall....

Bnei Berak 10

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:59 am

IMHO: the one who is paying is the one who gets to decide.
You may need to put it in writing when you sign contract with DJ/musicians.

Reality

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 3:02 am

Usually the chassan and/or his family. They are the ones paying for the music. If it's important to you, talk to them beforehand and let them know you don't want such loud music.

Also, the bandleader needs to know that the baalei simcha do not want outsiders, like the chassan's friends, being listened to if they request the volume is raised. This is tricky because they view the guys friends as potential customers so they want to please them.

You really need to be clear and up front about this with your daughter's chassan, his parents and the bandleader.

amother

Beige

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 3:15 am

At my wedding my parents told the band that if anyone else besides my father asked for the music to be raised they would not get any tips. (FIL was ok with it). I had asked for it because I was tired of going to friend's weddings and not being able to hear for 10 minutes after we left.

amother

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 3:24 am

So it's the parents not the chosson/kallo then?
She wants loud music and I said there is loud and loud...

Reality

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 3:28 am

amother OP wrote:

So it's the parents not the chosson/kallo then?
She wants loud music and I said there is loud and loud...

You need to have a conversation with your daughter. You need to come to an agreement with her before talking to the other side and the band.

amother

DarkOrange

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 3:40 am

Though do remember the the chassan and kallah have to be happy, if quieter music will ruin the day there is no point in music at all.

amother

Clematis

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 3:48 am

amother DarkOrange wrote:

Though do remember the the chassan and kallah have to be happy, if quieter music will ruin the day there is no point in music at all.

It's great to make the chassan and kallah happy, but that doesn't mean it's okay to harm people. Every exposure to extremely loud music can damage a person's hearing permanently. If the chassan and kallah really want loud music, it's not that different from wanting something else that's dangerous.

LovesHashem

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 4:06 am

Sit down with your daughter and chosson and tell them you are concerned about the volume of music. Show them a study or something about what decibals are coaidered safe and which cause damage.

There's more hearing loss in our community because of these simchas. It's a real danger.

If the chosson and kallah agree to keep it to a safe level, they can get the chosson's parents on board (if they are the ones paying for it).

Once there's full agreement with relevant parties about this you need to make sure it's in the contract with the band and musician that they will NOT get paid/get money deducted from payment if the music goes higher than x decibal and not to listen to anyone who asks them to raise or lower music except chosson and kallahs father's.

amother

Plum

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 6:25 am

At my wedding my father told the band that if my grandfather walks out because of the music they wouldn't be getting a penny. He told them that they could only take requests for tunes and music volume from him. It was beautiful. You could actually hear yourself talk, think. Even the dancing was nicer because you could actually enjoy the music.

essie14

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 6:30 am

At our wedding DH and I spoke to the band before the wedding and told them we are the only ones who could talk to them about volume.
We decided the volume level the day of.

amother

Poinsettia

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 6:33 am

My husband and I met with the band in advance. Among the things we discussed was volume. We were clear on what we wanted

Bnei Berak 10

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 7:19 am

Reality wrote:

If you have wedding costs split 50/50 then you need to sort it out with the other side in advance.

amother

Hyssop

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 8:33 am

My son himself spoke to the singer regarding what type of songs he wanted to be sung at the wedding. ( and he is young but knows what he wanted)They didnt have band because the chussen and kalla didnt want one.

We bh got sooooo many compliments after the chausna what a nice heimish lebedig yidish chasuna it was even though didnt have any wild loud music.

amother

Chambray

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 8:56 am

amother OP wrote:

So it's the parents not the chosson/kallo then?
She wants loud music and I said there is loud and loud...

Ooooh. When you said "who" I thought you meant chosson side vs kallah side vs guests vs band. I did not think you meant parent vs chosson/kallah.

While I agree with you on volume, I'm not sure how I feel about you "pulling rank"
on the chosson and kallah themselves because you as parent are paying the bills......not sure.

Try your best to convince them.