How to agree on budget/spending? For tight $ families

thegiver

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 4:18 pm

Pls help our Shalom bayis! How do we respect one another when it comes to $?as a couple we are Trying to not use our cc and trying to live within our means, prob is we don’t realistically know what that looks like.

Trying to keep it neutral in case you are on the opposing team (husbands side) — so I can understand him better.

Our budget recently became tighter and we find ourselves hitting a 0 balance every pay. One of us is a saver and one of us is a spender. So when we reach 0 balance, one of us doesn’t cut back on spending and dips into savings without thinking twice. For example if there is a budget for groceries, what is the point when the other person disregards the budget and buys whatever they like for shabbos spending $100 extra? Or invests $$$ in comforts when we owe $$$$ in debt?

How can you agree on spending priorities? Is it necessary to have a few hundred dollars in savings for emergencies (like meeting cc minimum)? What happens when you deplete everything?

How does a couple not argue about money and stay on the same page? How do you not worry about money? How do you know what it looks like to live within your means?

We are not materialistic at all. Just sometimes have trouble with self control and projecting spending to future….

#BestBubby

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 6:22 pm

Sit down and write all the fixed expenses

Rent/mortgage
Insurance
Tuition

Car payments - can these be reduced
Phone bills - can these be reduced

Then decide how much you need to spend on

Food
Clothes

Utilities

How much for savings

Each of you should get some discretionary funds to spend on extras like going out with friends.

TwinsMommy

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 6:53 pm

Two ways to handle it in my opinion.

Weekly or monthly meetings with pen, paper, and calculator between the two of you. LITERALLY get on the same page.

One partner is in charge of paying all bills and telling the other partner how much can be spent on non bill things (groceries, gas, clothing).

We do it the second way. I'm completely in charge of paying all the bills. If hubby needs to spend money I give him a limit. Hey, I'm getting gas today, I'm getting groceries today--- that sort of thing. I'll say..... oooh today you can spend $100, is that ok? Or... .spend what you need, there's plenty in there (wouldn't that be nice to say most often?). He wants something outside of gas, groceries, clothing, we discuss it--- unless it's like $20 or below. He wants a sefer, lunch out, etc.... it's not that he's asking permission--- it's just that he needs to know there's money there to cover it.

amother

Carnation

Sat, Jun 17 2023, 10:46 pm

thegiver wrote:

They’re arenno discretionary funds. There is only savings.

There needs to be discretionary funds.
That's non negotiable.
When we were super tight it was $20 a month for each of us.

Also, both spouses need to agree on the budget, so they don't feel like they need to go over it.

amother

Strawberry

Mon, Jun 19 2023, 4:58 am

If things are this tight, I think the conversation has to be about how to increase income. If you're both in school studying for jobs where you'll start earning big, you can probably dip into your savings sometimes. If you're not covering the basics, the discussion has to be about income.

How much do you have put away? Would a single emergency put you in debt? Are the savings earmarked for something?

Spouses come into marriage with attitudes they learned growing up. It takes time to get both of you in the same frame of mind. And chances are, one of you will always be the spender and one will always be the saver, even when your big picture priorities are aligned.