Boy said he’ll kill my son if… how should I deal?

amother

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:03 am

Ds 5 told me that a kid in his bunk said he’ll kill him if he doesn’t bring his toy motorcycle to daycamp today. How should I deal with this? There are high school counselors with a director. Do I say something to someone or let it go? And how do I make my son feel safe?

amother

Cinnamon

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:06 am

I would take my kid to camp and go straight to the director. And I wouldn’t leave my child there without a clear plan of action.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:07 am

I had something similar once during school.
I called the principal who immediately confronted the bully.
The problem was nipped in the bud and the bully never said anything again.
I’m not sure if the high school boys can take care of this properly on their own.
Can you speak to the camp director too?

amother

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:07 am

amother Emerald wrote:

. He’s 5 years old.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:15 am

bring it up with the counselors, director, and kid's parents. Chances are another 5 year old doesn't know what that really means - but it's still not acceptable behavior and needs to be stopped.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:20 am

amother OP wrote:

. He’s 5 years old.

She’s telling you high school age counselors can’t deal with this , so go to the director who is presumably an adult .

amother

Currant

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:20 am

amother OP wrote:

. He’s 5 years old.

Amother emerald didn't say what age the kids in her situation were, but her advice sounds appropriate for your situation.

amother

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:24 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

She’s telling you high school age counselors can’t deal with this , so go to the director who is presumably an adult .

oh got it.

behappy2

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:44 am

Years ago I was a counselor for boys this age and a mother called me to tell me this same story. The kid was a little less macho than the other boys. I sat with him and reassured him that they wouldn't ever do that and it's just the way they talk. I don't know if I did the right thing but the issue was resolved. Have you ever been around a bunch of boys that age?

Edit. I think it was more that his father would kill him or what not. For no reason. It wasn't a manipulation.

I do think that it's very important to teach boys how to handle other boys especially if they are less macho. They are set up to be bullied in the future.

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 8:57 am

behappy2 wrote:

Y
I do think that it's very important to teach boys how to handle other boys especially if they are less macho. They are set up to be bullied in the future.

Yes. It shouldn't be the child's responsibility but it's good if they have some scripts to get them through day till they can talk to their parents.

behappy2

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 9:11 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Yes. It shouldn't be the child's responsibility but it's good if they have some scripts to get them through day till they can talk to their parents.

The parents need to give over this attitude to the child. If the parent says "this is terrible. I will call the day camp." This actually scares the child.

amother

DarkMagenta

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 9:54 am

To your son, I would say the boy doesn’t know what he’s saying and probably didn’t mean it, not to take it too seriously. And then to the head teacher in private, let her know what happened and have her speak to the other child and keep an eye on him and the situation.

amother

Canary

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 11:08 am

I would tell my son that age, just ignore him, he’s being silly, let me know if he bothers you again. My son has older brothers, he’s a pro at ignoring annoying behavior.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 11:08 am

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

I second this.

Empathize with your son, but also minimize what the boy said and reassure your son he doesn't mean it.

Speak to a director so they can address.

I think it's relatively normal that in a group of boys a few will speak this way, so you want to make your son strong when boys speak like this. Not that it's ok, but you don't want your son to overreact.

amother

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 11:15 am

I don’t think he overreacted. He actually was more concerned that he didn’t want to bring the toy to school. I told him the boy didn’t mean it and I don’t think I made a big deal. I just wonder how I can strengthen him so kids don’t talk to him like that.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 11:18 am

amother OP wrote:

Some kids talk like that to everyone. It's not anything your son did or didn't do.

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 11:27 am

Some kids, even little ones, sometimes speak like that when they don't have such great skills for handling their emotions. It is generally a sign that adults should step in to help the child come up with better ways to express their upset, but you also don't want to treat a child who says this like they're a future school shooter, because that's not the case. Since this kind of situation does require some adult intervention, you need to let the adults in charge know. But you also don't need to work yourself into a lather over it either, it's not a huge deal. It happens.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 11:30 am

amother OP wrote:

He probably can't make these kids stop talking like that. But he can let it roll off him and not be freaked out by it, not escalate it by fighting back or crying . He's going to keep hearing it. Just in one ear out the other. They're just being tough.

Good for you that you stayed calm.

amother

Cinnamon

Mon, Jul 10 2023, 11:33 am

Desensitizing your kids to bullying or bad language is a terrible idea. It’s horrible to downplay it and say just ignore it he’s being tough. This attitude is probably why bullying is so widespread nowadays. Parents do better.