Weird to name same name as SIL's kid?

amother

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 2:08 am

The name we've been strongly leaning towards, we just remembered is an SIL's kid's name. (We live in different countries and haven't seen the kids in over a decade, hence why it wasn't at the top of our minds...)

It's not a family name, we just like it (I guess she did too).

It's a double name and we were wanting to give both. The first and middle, in the same order.

Is it weird?

I could technically get on board with dropping the middle I guess, is that less weird?

salt

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 2:13 am

So you mean your kid will have the same name as his/her cousin, who he probably will rarely meet?
I say it's fine.
Plenty of cousins have the same names.

amother

Plum

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 2:17 am

We recently named our child the same name as my sister & brother in laws child. I was a little nervous how they would react but they were totally fine with it. Thought it was very cute they would share a name. They live in a different country than us and the kids are 10+ years apart in age. (It is only a first name that they share. I think I would have felt weird if the first and middle name were both the same. Like too much like we had purposely copied them even if that wasn’t the case).

LovesHashem

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 4:49 am

salt wrote:

So you mean your kid will have the same name as his/her cousin, who he probably will rarely meet?
I say it's fine.
Plenty of cousins have the same names.

I agree. I have a nephew with a name I love but I wouldn't name it out of respect since they live so close to us and we see them all the time, and we're pretty close.

Another country that you really rarely see? Totally would do.

amother

Currant

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 5:40 am

If both names are fairly common, Sarah Malka, Eliyahu Moshe, etc, then I think it's fine.

If it's a really rare name combination, Rinatya Adiya, Nahalal Netzer, etc, where SIL's child is probably the only one with it now, then I think it would be weird.

amother

Peach

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 6:25 am

What relation of SIL? If the last name is also the same, and it’s a double name that’s not a family name, I wouldn’t do it. And I’m usually Rolling Eyes

at people getting upset about “stealing” names but that’s a bridge too far

weasley

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:25 am

These responses are so interesting.

If a sil named her child the same name as my child I'd love it and be so chuffed that they love the name so much!!

My only hesitation would be potential confusion of the kids if they went to the same school but different countries then I would no question about it!!

amother

Tanzanite

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:28 am

Thousands of cousins share names. When I choose a name the only names I think about are the names of the parents and living grandparents because we don’t use those. Anything else is fair game.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:39 am

It’s such a non Jewish concept to not be allowed to “steal” names. I see it on Instagram and online so the time and I roll my eyes. Like in the non Jewish world if a neighbor down the block names a name that you would have in the future now you can’t anymore… The whole idea is so weird.
It’s so beautiful how many of my kids cousins share their names! Some of them first and last!! In our world, names have meaning, they’re given with roach hakodesh! And look at the incredible nachas we’re giving their elte zeide with all these beautiful neshamos bearing their names!

I also grew up with very few families of cousins. I WISHED I had all those cousins that shared names together!

amother

Chambray

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 9:43 am

If it was a family name this wouldn't be a question, it's so common in frum families to have cousins with the same name, after the same relative. Not sure why the fact that it's not a family name should change that. Nobody owns a name. BTW, I have 2 kids who have the same name as a cousin. In one case, they are both named for the same person. In the other case, mine is named after someone on my side and the cousin is named after someone on BIL's wife's side, it's a fairly common name and both me and her had a grandparent with that name we wanted to name after, so family name but not the same family!

Golde

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 9:48 am

I think the right thing to do is to tell your sil and her DH beforehand that you're considering this name, and ask how they would feel about it. And then make your decision

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 10:33 am

Personally since it's not a family name, I wouldn't do both. One is okay but both names with no familial attachment they would probably think you were copying.

amother

Topaz

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 10:47 am

I only heard of this concept, of not naming the same as relatives, on imamother. Name your child what you like, who cares if your nephew has the same name? No one owns a name.

mha3484

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 10:54 am

I dont see the issue. My 8 year old has a classmate with a certain name and a same age cousin in the other class. Two boys same age same exact name same school. No one bats an eyelash.

Ema of 5

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 10:57 am

amother Crocus wrote:

Why can't you pick a different name. If it's a family name would be different

What’s the difference if it’s a family name or a name they like? The bottom line is that cousins will have the same name, which happens all the time.

amother

Arcticblue

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 11:02 am

It's totally fine. The pool of traditional Hebrew/Yiddish names is quite small. If it's a combination of 2 names that commonly go together- Esther Malka, Sarah Rifka, Yehuda Leib, etc.- then the double name is no issue at all. If the combination is more unique I still think it's ok.
At the end of the day, a mother has the right to name her baby the name she feels is correct. And if your SIL decides to be petty that's on her.

amother

Razzmatazz

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 11:58 am

It could be confusing at shidduchim time. Definitely caused bloopers when I was dating and trying to google the person.

amother

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 12:00 pm

To answer some questions:
1) they are both pretty common names, and I actually feel like the combination is pretty common too
2) they have a different last name
3) correct, we hardly ever see them. We haven't seen them in 10 years.

amother

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 12:01 pm

"Why can't I choose another name, or another middle name?"

I could! DH and I sat down last night and came up with several alternative middle names. (The first name I've really set my heart on using.) I like them ok, just not as much as the original one we were thinking.