She can do it bc she only has 4kids...

amother

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:25 pm

I bh have 4 kids at this time, I'm in a community that it's considered a tiny family

Whats bothering me is that when different things come up in my neighborhood or kids class extra activities , I am asked and expected to do alot or alot more than everyone else bc I am not busy I only have 4 kids
Anyone else have this too, I feel so taken advantage of

amother

NeonBlue

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:33 pm

K"h with that size family I feel like I'm barely keeping my job and not really managing well in terms of the kids/home. I'm still learning the ropes. So kudos to you if things are easy for you! 4 kids k"h is a lot to manage I don't know who these people are telling you otherwise! Are they superwomen?

amother

Ecru

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:36 pm

Yes it’s very very annoying. I realize that I do have more bandwidth than other people. I think it’s complicated because I sometimes feel inferior. But really if I look at it objectively I also have a beautiful family kneina hara even if it’s smaller than most of the others. It’s like - if I am on an amazing vacation in Colorado, do I need to feel twinges of envy and sadness every day that I’m not in the Alps? Or can I just enjoy Colorado and have a great time. B”H I have so many good times with my family, and I am so proud of them.

And yes I always get the raw end of the stick when it comes to carpool and everything else.

amother

Blush

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:38 pm

I am asked more often because we have 2 kids. People don’t need to know about my chronic illness or my kid’s special needs. Not their business, the answer is still no.
As a side point, my sister with 7 kids (3 of whom are teenagers) has it easier than me . I am always running after my 2 young kids and she is able to sleep in Shabbos mornings, run errands without bringing the kids, have one of her daughters make supper, etc. in many ways her stage of life is far easier.

amother

Cyclamen

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:41 pm

I typically assume the opposite. "Only" 4 kids to me means younger kids and less free time. 10 kids but the youngest is elementary age means more flexibility to me.

It could be bias through because I'm pregnant and have 2 under 3.

amother

Peony

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:42 pm

amother Blush wrote:

You have it hard. I can very much relate being in a somewhat similar situation as you are.

Why are you saying that your sister has it easier? Do you know everything about her day to day - just as she doesn’t know yours?

THIS is where we come into issues as women. We ALL have it hard, one way or another.

There are the few between than don’t, but I believe that most of us are struggling one way or another. Life is very hard!

amother

Peony

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:43 pm

amother Cyclamen wrote:

See my above post. It’s all hard! Different kinds of hard!

amother

Blush

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 4:47 pm

amother Peony wrote:

Because I go to my sisters house every Shabbos morning and she is still in bed at 9 am while her older kid’s watch the younger ones (and I have been up since 6). Because I see how frequently she asks me to go out to pizza or coffee with her because she can just get out and go when she needs a break while to me it means making 10 phone calls and paying $20 to find a babysitter . I know my sister well enough to know she isn’t overwhelmed with day to day life while I am.

imasinger

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 5:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm curious -- were you ever told directly that you're being asked because you have fewer kids?

Is it possibly because you do a great job, and your skills and personality are deeply appreciated?

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 5:33 pm

I’ve never been asked to do more or less because of my family size. I have 7- but only 2 are small (5&8) and they don’t really need so much supervision at this point.

amother

RosePink

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 5:59 pm

I don't have that happen to me at all. I doubt it's because of your family composition. Maybe you're the one who says yes the quickest.

amother

Garnet

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 8:10 pm

In the words of the late Nancy Reagan, "Just Say No." Nobody has the right to impose responsibilities upon you, regardless of the size of your family or even if you had no family.

amother

Forsythia

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 8:46 pm

amother Blush wrote:

I’m sorry it’s hard for you.
Just know it may not be easier for her. She may just be the type who makes her life look easy. I know that because that’s me…
I find it’s so important to never assume someone has it easier… and hopefully in that zchus Hashem will make it easier for us all…

amother

Mintgreen

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 9:02 pm

I once saw someone said on here that it’s a good thing some of us have big families while others have small because those of us with small families can help.

Mind blown.

My SIL who is suffering from infertility told me someone asked her, directly “can you set up for the bris ? I’m asking you because you’re the only one without kids so it’s easier for you.”

Mind blown.

People need to be more sensitive . Period.

mig100

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 9:26 pm

imasinger wrote:

I'm curious -- were you ever told directly that you're being asked because you have fewer kids?

Is it possibly because you do a great job, and your skills and personality are deeply appreciated?

This

amother

Ballota

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 9:28 pm

amother Mintgreen wrote:

OMG

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, Jul 27 2023, 10:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ahrrrrrgggghhhh!
Many years ago I did a couple and threw a lot of little kids in the car at inconvenient times because I was a SAHM at the time, and I happily covered for a member of the carpool with 2 school-aged children, and at the time, just those 2, who went back to work full-time midyear.

Hugs!