Is there a job you can do with baby/toddler in tow?

thegiver

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 3:55 am

Why is there such an emphasis on professionalism in the Jewish community? If only we all embraced that our children are our life ,wouldn’t business owners allow women to bring their children to work with them and business relationships still thrive with sounds of children in the background during phone calls?

Anyone know of a job I can do remotely with a baby and toddler in tow? Not so interested in running a playgroup.

Has anyone here created a successful startup solely with outside funding? If yes how long did it take for you to start paying back your creditors?

amother

Bluebell

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 4:34 am

You're going to either be ignoring your kids or neglecting your job. Kids aren't dolls who will entertain themselves quietly all day- they need attention and interaction to develop properly, and if you're doing that, you're not working. We all did it during the height of covid and I don't know anyone who actually enjoyed juggling like that and decided it was viable long term plan

amother

Milk

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 6:58 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

Daycare doesn't give kids quality (or quantity) attention, just stimulation and often far too much of it.
If the baby isn't going to get quality attention at daycare and also won't get quality attention because mom is working, it's far better to spare the baby the attachment trauma and just keep baby with mommy while she works. Same lack of quality attention, but at least there aren't five other babies waiting for hugs and changes, at least baby can sleep beside or on mommy, at least baby has the consistency of one loving caregiver and mommy can use her breaks for baby.

Now if you can afford a private babysitter or a babysitter who watches your child and one other and gives both quality time and loving care, great, that's the best option. But most people simply can't afford that.

amother

Milk

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 6:59 am

thegiver wrote:

Where do you live? My workplace is likely looking for another person. We are remote but you must live in Israel and be legal to work here.

amother

Begonia

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 7:28 am

I think this belief that you could work with two very young children is detrimental both to children and also to mothers.
Children aren't robots that could just be quiet when you need them to be, be cute when you need them to be, play nicely when you need and cry when you are available.
Kids need time and attention. I would never be able to get more than 5 minutes of work done with a toddler around, forget a baby and a toddler. When you're trying to do work and are unavailable for your child, your child gets the message that your needs are more important than theirs.

Atleast when they are at the babysitter, they have other children to interact with and they do have a caregiver available when they cry, are hungry, etc.

It's faulty to think that you could work and take care of your kids at the same time. If you were an employer, would you really want to be paying someone a full salary while they only worth as 10-20% capacity? That would be cheating on behalf of the employee.

amother

Bluebell

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 7:43 am

amother Milk wrote:

Then you need to find better daycare. Where my kids go the infant room is 1:3 (one of whom is probably asleep at any given time) ratio and toddlers is 1:4. The only adult sized chair in the room is the rocking chair, otherwise the teachers are on the floor with the kids interacting and playing. There are tons of enriching toys. My kids thrive there. They actually get better attention than when I did a babysitter share who just parked them in front of the TV all day.

amother

Milk

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 7:46 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

That's an amazing ratio. Where I live the ratio is 1:6 for infants and 1:9 for toddlers. You can find private caregivers who take less children but they also charge a lot more and it's not doable for a lot of mothers (and they are unsupervised childcares).

If your babysitter parked them in front of the TV all day, then you needed to find a better babysitter.

amother

Milk

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 7:50 am

amother Begonia wrote:

They have other children to interact with, other children who are not always nice to them (there's a lot of child-on-child daycare violence and it's not reasonable to expect otherwise, and most providers see it as normal and unavoidable). The caregiver is not always available when they are crying or hungry, because she is so often taking care of someone else.

My employer says as long as I get my work done he doesn't care how I do it. I think most employers would be that way.

I work very fast during my kids' naptimes and do my best to use the time when they are happy playing to get as much as I can done. And when they are both awake and need me I work slow or take breaks. And sometimes I sign out on time and continue working off the clock to make up what I didn't finish earlier.

amother

Milk

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 7:54 am

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

Agreed with responses! I worked from home with my toddler and mostly ignored her ..now she 6 and needs expensive therapy because she's so behind in skills. Granted its nature and nurture combined but more attention than would've helped her a long way Crying

I don't think you need to be blaming yourself. My child who needs the most therapies and is most behind in skills is the one we paid a very devoted babysitter to watch one-on-one while I worked out of the house and DH learned. She was great, paid 100% attention to him, truly amazing, but he's still behind because some kids are behind in skills. OTOH my most advanced child with the best level skills I worked from home since before she was born.

Anecdotes do not evidence make.

And, daycares often do a LOT of harm. You really don't know where your child would be if you'd made different decisions. For all you know she's better off this way because attachment issues would've crippled her otherwise.

amother

Begonia

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 8:09 am

Sure there are some babysitters/daycares/playgroups that aren't great, but then don't send there!
I don't think that most employers would be comfortable with their employees working half distracted with kids around (during naps is.different). Better to send your kids to a loving playgroup and work when your kids are taken care of, than to try to half ignore them while you try to get work done. Also, when you're on the phone for a work related call and.you hear a child crying/making noise in the background it just sounds very unprofessional and gives over the vibe to the person on the other end of the phone that you aren't 100% focused on them. It's not possible to be completely focused on your child and your work...

singleagain

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 8:11 am

thegiver wrote:

If I am trying to do business with you and I hear children in the background which make it hard for me to actually hear you or it seems like you aren't listening to me, I don't want to do business with you. I want to do business with someone who will hear me the first time with no distractions.

amother

Bluebell

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 8:51 am

amother Milk wrote:

So I do pay more for a legal daycare that's within ratio. But the difference is less than not being able to work full time is.

Yeah. It was an issue. But we have a shortage of babysitters here- so we send to daycare instead. Every town has their own issues

amother

Milk

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 8:58 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

Where I live almost no legal daycares have the ratio you mentioned. Illegal ones, yes. But legal daycares almost all have a 1:6 ratio for infants and 1:9 for toddlers.

amother

Milk

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:01 am

amother Begonia wrote:

Better for who?
And why do you think that your child will be given more love and attention at a playgroup than when you are working? If the playgroup has more than 2-3 kids then your child isn't going to receive that much attention, because it's not humanly possible for one person to give quality attention to 4 or more babies or toddlers.

I agree about the phone calls, but there are jobs that don't require phone calls.

I do think that as mothers we have inferiority complexes, thinking that everyone does better than we do, and also that as humans "out of sight, out of mind" - if we don't see what is truly happening we can continue to believe our rose-colored vision of it. Also, it's HARD to work with your child at home, HARD, so it's much better for mom to send her child out so that she can work in peace. And we really really want to believe that what we're doing for ourselves is also the best choice for our children, better than the alternative which would be so hard for us.

amother

Bluebell

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:23 am

amother Milk wrote:

Where I live almost no legal daycares have the ratio you mentioned. Illegal ones, yes. But legal daycares almost all have a 1:6 ratio for infants and 1:9 for toddlers.

What state do you live in that those are legal ratios?! In NJ is 1:4 for infants and 1:6 for toddlers. NY is 1:4 for infants and 1:5 for toddlers

amother

Bluebell

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:28 am

amother Milk wrote:

Babies and toddlers don't need 1:1 attention, they can easily share it. Think about it. You can easily read a book to 5 toddlers at a time, or sit at a lunch table with 4 toddlers, or even hold 2 bottles for infants at the same time. But reading a book to 4 toddlers is giving them more attention than handinf them a book to read while you're on a work call. And holding 2 bottles in babies mouths while their in the bouncers and talking to them while they eat is better than putting a bottle in your babys mouth while she's on your lap and typing with the other hand without looking at her. None of us doubt our ability to care for 3 or 4 of our own children at the same time, so why do we doubt daycares ability? (And yes, I insist on sending kids to places with legal ratios of 1:4 infants and 1:6 toddlers or better)