Community Recommendations

amother

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 12:29 am

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for recommendations on the east coast. Budget is under 2K per month for a minimum of 2 bedroom 1 bath with washer/dryer hookups.

We are looking for a school that goes through 12th grade and basic kosher amenities for that out of town experience with some in town conveniences nearby (within 45 minute drive).

Hashkafically, we are a cholent. Dh is a former Chabad BT turned Stam Chassidishe. My background is a mische of Litvish/Plain Black Hatters with a bit of right wing modox and chassidus thrown in.

I would be looking for an entry level job in a corporate office. My husband will be bringing his job with him iyh. I would need access (within an hour) to a larger city for work. We would like to be within 2 hours of Boston but can stretch to 3 for the right place.

I would prefer a place that's not too modern. By that, I mean that I would prefer a place where congregants do not talk about doing melachos at shul. I also prefer that the mechitza is not regular glass or so short it is at my waist. A kollel that can accommodate a chavrusa for my husband is a BIG plus.

I'm not particular that the school is so strong in secular academics as long as the Jewish studies are strong. We both agree that we can assist with the secular studies at home.

If you have ideas, please let me know. I have just been looking at shuls on Google maps and throwing darts so to speak as to which community we are looking at.

Much appreciated. Iyh we should find a place for our family soon.

amother

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 12:51 am

amother Narcissus wrote:

Have you looked into Passaic?
What about Waterbury?

Not sure if they meet all of your specifications though

Passaic is out of budget so we didn't even look. We just started looking into Waterbury recently. I know Connecticut is generally less expensive, and there are a lot of house minyanim in the state not listed online.

Our goal is to save for a nice home with a couple of acres outside of the community for the weekday and have a shabbos/yt condo in town.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 1:14 am

amother OP wrote:

Waterbury is an amazing community. Housing is really affordable if you can swing a down payment.

School is affordable. Groceries are ok. Lots of jobs within driving distance. CT expands federal guidelines for ebt and health insurance so even middle class can qualify.

Why would u want to live outside the community? You can get a property with an acre or more in Waterbury, within the eruv, walking distance to where most of the others people live where it's denser.

amother

Mon, Jul 31 2023, 1:25 am

amother Magenta wrote:

Why? Because we would like to eventually have a small homestead with a couple of milk goats (cheddar and chevre) 🐐 and a labradoodle named Tiny.

amother

Broom

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 2:48 pm

Quote:

I'm not particular that the school is so strong in secular academics as long as the Jewish studies are strong. We both agree that we can assist with the secular studies at home.

1. Smaller OOT communities, the type with only 1 or 2 school choices, usually don't have strong kodesh or chol, compared to options available in town. I don't know what your frame of reference is for "strong" in either area, but you may want to supplement both.

2. You should not make ambitious assumptions about how much you'll be able to supplement. Not only will effective supplementation require time and effort and capability on your and your husband's part, but it will require time and effort from your children, which they may or may not be willing or even able to dedicate, depending on various factors.

Not trying to discourage you. I live in a smaller OOT community myself. We are mostly very happy here, and no place is perfect. We supplement both kodesh and chol, so I am speaking from firsthand experience.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 3:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

We started to look into Waterbury, and they tried to send us to Chabad in New Haven. I was treated like I was completely poor and am unable to pay tuition without any discussion of my financial situation. Is that normal?

Who did you speak with? And new haven may be a good option anyway. But no what you described is not normal. The thing is they're getting really big and trying to turn people away. They tried to get me to send one of my kids to new haven and called my rav to try to get him to convince us not to move (can you imagine? If I were younger id never look back at them but at this point in my life I know whats best for my family and I was right, and btw my rav told them no way was he doing that and they were lucky to have us join the community) But the thing is if you live here and then go to the school, they will accept you.

It's really just one person that causes issues like this which is why I'm curious who you spoke with.

One thing, looking back at your OP, rentals here can be more expensive than mortgages. So you may want to rent slightly outside the area, or from a non jew.

Did you do a shabbos in Waterbury? Or did you just call and inquire? Id say if you know the community is right for you, do the move. The normal people here will push to get your kids accepted.

mha3484

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 3:16 pm

If your looking for more RW schools, I don't know any boys school that is k-12 and even for girls typically high schools are separate from k-8. You would likely like where I live in the Midwest but you said east coast so it doesn't matter. 95% of girls who apply to bais yaakov high school here get in its a community school but its still its own separate institution which I see as a positive thing.

If your only looking at communities that have one k-12 school your limiting yourself too much.

amother

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 3:17 pm

amother Broom wrote:

Quote:

I'm not particular that the school is so strong in secular academics as long as the Jewish studies are strong. We both agree that we can assist with the secular studies at home.

I totally hear that. I find it a struggle because we are unable to supplement the kodesh past about 1st grade. I'm a geyioret who has only about 5 years of studies, and my husband is a BT with very little Jewish education.

Our ability to supplement chol is much easier. I used to professionally tutor young children and am looking to finish my masters degree online.

I would say for that the purposes of this post, I believe that you're right. I should have defined strong. I would define strong as starts aleph beis at 3 or 4, teaches conversational modern Hebrew in the younger grades, and has a diversified list of sources to learn from. My husband wants him to have the modern Hebrew as well as biblical and Aramaic and be able to pick up any sefer and learn on his own without a problem.

He's possibly our one and only miracle child. If I can't have more, then I want to give him the best of everything. I also don't want in town to be a strange experience for him either.

mha3484

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 3:59 pm

As a BT raising my kids in a system that I myself did not go through, I have a lot to say on this topic.

I think people like us are best off in more midsized communities with more then one option for schools and shuls and also with other BTs/Geirim. I am very well integrated, my oldest is bar mitzvah next year so I have been around a long time and many of my friends are FFB but having friends who are not FFB is really important too. Its also really good that my kids are not the weird ones who don't have a more typical family experience that their friends have. There are plenty of others like us for them to relate to. To me, this all needs to come before the schooling issue. We have to feel supported as we raise our kids in a new to us system.

I think also some of what your asking for does not exist. My boys yeshiva teaches aleph bais in 4 year old nursery and by 3rd grade they can pick up any sefer and learn on their own but they are not learning conversational hebrew.

I would really look into Baltimore if you need to stay east. I think you get a lot of choices without it being too overwhelming either.

Last edited by mha3484 on Tue, Aug 01 2023, 5:40 pm; edited 2 times in total

newinbp

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 4:05 pm

mha3484 wrote:

That sounds so nice! Bts also here, so which community are you in that works for you? I second what you said about BT and FB friends Smile

amother

Magenta

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 5:37 pm

mha3484 wrote:

As a BT raising my kids in a system that I myself did not go through, I have a lot to say on this topic.

I think people like us are best off in more midsized communities with more then one option for schools and shuls and also with other BTs/Geirim. I am very well integrated, my oldest is bar mitzvah next year so I have been around a long time and many of my friends are FFB but having friends who are not FFB is really important too. Its also really good that my kids are not the weird ones who don't have a more typical family experience that their friends have. There are plenty of others like us for them to relate to. To me, this all needs to come before the schooling issue. We have to feel supported as we raise our kids in a new to us system.

I think also some of what your asking for does not exist. My boys yeshiva teaches aleph bais in 4 year old nursery and by 3rd grade they can pick up any sefer and learn on their own but they are not learning conversational hebrew.

I would really look into Baltimore if you need to stay east. I think you get a lot of choices without it being too overwhelming either.

Please correct me if I am wrong but I am under the impression that Waterbury is mainly a FFB crowd with a lot of former NY/NJ residents. I know at one point it was advertised for its proximity to NY and NJ. If I am wrong ill be happy to delete this part of my post. But if I am not wrong you may not find its your crowd.

There are many BTs here, some who even grew up in waterbury and were mekareved by the growing community. Lots of former in towners but also lots of people from places like baltimore, Chicago, miami, queens( yes it's nyc but a much different feel), boston, Texas, native Connecticuters, even denver, kansas, south africa, england. It really is a mix and most people who move here did so because they don't want to live in town. It's a very low key place and lots of out of the box types.

Happens to the that the person who makes the decisions about the school is a very in town type. But she's in the minority.

amother

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 5:45 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I'm glad someone gets where I'm coming from. I know that not everything on my checklist is going to be there, but most of it should be checked off. We are definitely looking for something more midsized.

amother

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 8:21 pm

amother Magenta wrote:

I don't want to give too much information out to identify myself, but you can PM me for who I spoke to. We tried to get set up for shabbos and were basically told no. We haven't crossed it off the list yet, but we did drive around the community there. Most people we met seem to be in towners who were trying to get away from in town. Very nice and helpful.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Aug 01 2023, 10:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can't pm you anonymously. Also, this sounds nothing like the person who sets up shabbosim! If you didn't speak to rebbetzin S, then you spoke to the wrong person. If that's the case and you have an email you can post, I can try to connect you to the right person.