Do people teach their kids manners or only mitzvos?

NechaMom

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 5:50 pm

These threads make me wonder...
Do you teach your kids not to stare?
Not to drink with a hand cup?
Not to pee in the pool or shower?

Or you only teach them mitzvos?

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 5:52 pm

I teach and model both
Except I don't tell them about peeing in the shower. I think they can work that out on their own.

watergirl

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 5:54 pm

NechaMom wrote:

These threads make me wonder...
Do you teach your kids not to stare?
Not to drink with a hand cup?
Not to pee in the pool or shower?

Or you only teach them mitzvos?

It’s one in the same.

Sever panim yafos is a mitzvah. We smile at people, we don’t stare.

Make a bracha and fill a cup, it’s a mitzvah.

See? It’s all in the chinuch.

NechaMom

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 5:54 pm

watergirl wrote:

It’s one in the same.

Sever panim yafos is a mitzvah. We smile at people, we don’t stare.

Make a bracha and fill a cup, it’s a mitzvah.

See? It’s all in the chinuch.

Is filling a cup vs drinking by hand a mitzva? I think it’s strictly manners. You can make a bracha with either one.

ftm1234

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 5:56 pm

You think people are going to answer "Oh, I only teach my kids mitzvos. Manners don't matter as much".

Most people will probably say that just like you, they try their best to teach their kids manners.

A husband who drinks like that was most probably taught to drink from a cup and picked up this habit in yeshiva.

Kids who stare can be told not to stare a million times but if they find something interesting enough they will be right back at staring within two minutes. It's what kids do.

Not always is it because the parents didn't teach their kids manners.

Just my opinion.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:03 pm

Kids don't learn that well by being told. They learn what you do. It's an important responsibility. Don't worry too much about traditional 'teaching.' Corrections and criticisms may have the opposite of the desired effect.

Goody2shoes

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:04 pm

From living around people, I learnt that everyone defines manners differently.
Some parents think it's important to teach their kids not to stare and some think that a child staring doesn't reflect on bad manners, let kids be kids.
Then there are somethings that parents don't think to teach their kids about like peeing in the shower.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:12 pm

The assumption being that in households where there isn't a focus on mitzvos, the kids end up with perfect manners..?

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:17 pm

It's all encompassing in the mitzvos.
vehavta lreacha komocha- don't do things that will gross other people out.
chessed- hold the door for someone

can go on and on. I think for every manner you will find a mitzvah that covers it.
Some modern ettiquete might not. like which fork to use for which dish...

NechaMom

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:23 pm

alwayssmiling wrote:

I’m talking about adults who end up staring and not having manners...

NechaMom

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:26 pm

amother Lemon wrote:

The assumption being that in households where there isn't a focus on mitzvos, the kids end up with perfect manners..?

No. I never said anything close to that.

amother

Anemone

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:37 pm

I have a bigger problem with the parents peeing in the pool and staring like I’m some strange species or something LOL

How will the kids learn to do better if that’s what their parents do?

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:23 pm

I teach them. I model them.
For some reason my kids can't seem to learn them.

Duh

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:36 pm

NechaMom wrote:

These threads make me wonder...
Do you teach your kids not to stare?
Not to drink with a hand cup?
Not to pee in the pool or shower?

Or you only teach them mitzvos?

Your post made me laugh, picturing a young mom teaching her toddler how to drink: here shefela you are too big for a bottle, this is how grownups drink. Grab the faucet, fill your hands with water and slurp loudly....

amother

Daisy

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 8:13 pm

Or not everyone agrees that all of these things matter? Not sure what the problem is with drinking from cupped hands. Or peeing in the shower. So no, I wouldn't teach those things, because I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Staring and peeing in the pool are a different matter. But even then, you can only do your best. A kid doing something wrong doesn't always mean they weren't taught or that their parents aren't trying.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 9:30 pm

NechaMom wrote:

These threads make me wonder...
Do you teach your kids not to stare?
Not to drink with a hand cup?
Not to pee in the pool or shower?

Or you only teach them mitzvos?

And these threads make me wonder...
Do people teach their kids mitzvahs or only manners? LOL

If a kid does an aveira you don't automatically blame the parents, correct?
Let's try our best to teach our children mitzvos and manners. And let's try not to judge unfavorably when seeing others ill manners or aveires.

amother

Natural

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 9:45 pm

I teach my kids only manners and middos, not mitzvos. Mitzvos they learn in school or by copying us. Then again, they're still young. By 11-12 I would probably have to fill in anything they don't pick up on.

Yeshivish for reference.

daughterofgod

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 9:52 pm

You dont teach kids manners or middos.

Chinuch means I work on myself and role model. I improve my manners and hope my kids notice as they grow up. Preach and talk from here to tomorrow and it won't get you anywhere. Kids copy what they see. They pick up by osmosis. Chinuch is about self. Not about teaching.

amother

Whitesmoke

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 10:11 pm

I taught them manners. For mitzvos, I sent them to a frum school. That's their job.

staten islander

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 10:20 pm

Frum children excel in many areas of manners- speaking politely,respect for elders,waiting your turn,etc. There’s definitely room for improvement. Some things I noticed is that our kids ( and many adults) don’t have good shopping etiquette. Things like saying excuse me can’t just pushing through,blocking the aisles,leaving your cart at the register and going to get something else. The other big issue is littering-very noticeable driving or walking through some communities . Something to work on