My husband wants to just let her cry it out

amother

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:37 pm

I'm at my wits end with my 2.5 year old. She was sleeping through the night since she was about 1. The last few months she's been waking up, sometimes multiple times a night and just crying and refusing to go back to sleep.
She used to get a hug and go back to sleep, but she got worse and these days she just cries and cries and doesn't go back to sleep. We end up threatening her, yelling at her leaving her to cry for 20 min then coming back etc.
It's really horrible at 2 and 4 and 5am.
The thing is, its not every night. Some nights she'll sleep straight no problem and then other nights she's up once twice three times.....
My husband is at his wits end and wants to just turn up the sound machine so we don't hear her and let her cry all night until she learns to stop.

In theory I agree-shes 2.5, she's not dirty or hungry or in pain, she's capable of sleeping through the night and I honestly just think she just go into this rut that she wakes up and cries instead of putting herself back to sleep.
The issue is she's an extremely stubborn kid and she won't give in; she'll cry and cry and cry non-stop; my mother's heart just can't imagine letting her scream herself in a dark room for hours.

I'm so torn because its really getting out of control and we're expecting another baby soon and this can't continue.
Any advice?

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:39 pm

Molars!!
Scary dreams!
Separation anxiety

These all happen at 2 years old.

Don’t let her cry it out. She needs you. It’s a phase. It’ll get better. It’s also really difficult. Dealing with the same here. But it is what it is! We cuddle in my bed and she goes in and out of sleep some nights.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:44 pm

Do the sleep shuffle method. First you stay near her bed but don't take her out. Talk to her and rub her back. Do that for a few nights. Then you move your chair a bit away from the crib and talk to her and soothe her for a few nights. Then further away from the crib. Then at the door. Then outside the door. And then you are done. Talking to her and soothing her at all those steps.

amother

Starflower

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:46 pm

I have a 2 year old at the exact same stage as you
It’s frustrating but the last thing I could do is yell at him
I don’t let him cry it out either, but I’ll be very firm.
I’ll say “shefele, I love you so much. I can’t wait till the morning when I’ll take you out of your crib with a huge smile!! Now we have to sleep but mommy really loves you.” I know his heart understands.
I’ll sit next to his crib and hold his hands, give him a bottle, play a song he wants to hear.
I’ll go out of the room and let him cry for a few mins then go back in and Repeat.
He will always calm down eventually
Is this your oldest? The only reason why I’m asking is because I find many people to be unnecessarily harsh with oldest, and also sometimes a little hopeless, because it’s hard to see past a specific stage

amother

Butterscotch

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:46 pm

shuffle method didnt work for us. she usually ends up in our bed most nights because she wants to "snuggle" either with me or dh and listen to calming music. once shes asleep dh moves her to her crib.
tonight I snuggled with her for 2 hours and she was just acting hyper, I said I have to go now ill be back soon to check on u... she wasnt crying but she called for me a few times and I said im here, but im busy now, I will come soon. she fell asleep after 5 mins

is this considered CIO?

amother

Starflower

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:51 pm

amother Butterscotch wrote:

No that’s not cio

amother

Catmint

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:55 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

Was just reading about doing something very similar in a parenting book titled "happy kids" by Cathy Glass. She spends a few pages going over babies are sleeping stuff this is what she recommends. It sounded so right that I will definitely try by my future children. My last one just screamed and screamed and I couldn't calm her.

amother

Plum

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:58 pm

amother Butterscotch wrote:

It's not cio but you should really return a few minutes after she fell asleep and say Mommy's back, I see you're sleeping, good night
You can give kiss/say I love you as well...
It builds trust

amother

Starflower

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 6:59 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

This “method” was a combination of many different children and years of getting my children to sleep. The part about talking firmly and knowing they’ll understand comes from sod haadam and her concept of ratzon

amother

Butterscotch

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 7:01 pm

amother Plum wrote:

It's not cio but you should really return a few minutes after she fell asleep and say Mommy's back, I see you're sleeping, good night
You can give kiss/say I love you as well...
It builds trust

how does it build trust if shes sleeping? I do check on her (or my husband does), we tuck her in with her stuffed animals and kiss her but I never verbally say that

amother

Peony

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 7:05 pm

This is so weird!!! I could have written this post word for word about my 2.5 year old. I literally looked back to see if I wrote it because it's describing my 2 year old to the tee. Good to know I'm not alone. (But would not have written about the husband wanting to CIO).

She was a perfect sleeper from 6 months till now - 12 hour nights plus naps and now that totally stopped. She stopped napping well, doesn't want to go to sleep, and wakes up multiple times a night - all inconsistently. I'm losing it from all her crying, it's weird. Nothing changed recently, though she is starting a new playgroup soon so that won't help matters...

I end up sitting by her door for hours on end.

Any advice?

amother

Yellow

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 7:12 pm

amother Plum wrote:

It's not cio but you should really return a few minutes after she fell asleep and say Mommy's back, I see you're sleeping, good night
You can give kiss/say I love you as well...
It builds trust

It’s too risky, you might wake them. And they don’t hear. You can tell them the next morning I saw you fell asleep. So they feel you checked in on them.

amother

Plum

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 7:18 pm

amother Butterscotch wrote:

how does it build trust if shes sleeping? I do check on her (or my husband does), we tuck her in with her stuffed animals and kiss her but I never verbally say that

Because their subconscious hears us even when their asleep there's lots of research on people saying positive things to children in their sleep...
I just did it a few minutes ago with my baby who was getting comfortable in bed
At first I said I'll be in the next room you can close your eyes and fall asleep, I'll come check on you in a few minutes
Then I came back and said I came to see how you're doing, I see you're still up, I'll be in the next room ans I'll come check on you in a few minutes
And after a few times when baby was sleeping I said I came to check on you I see you went to sleep, I hope you sleep well good night I love you