My husband wants to just let her cry it out

amother

Plum

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:20 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

It’s too risky, you might wake them. And they don’t hear. You can tell them the next morning I saw you fell asleep. So they feel you checked in on them.

It hasn't been an issue for me, I whisper very quietly from a few steps away if needed, I should be louder than the noise you making when walking into their room anyways...
Everyone can assess their childrens threshold of noise

Sure you can tell them the next morning- that doesn't take away from them hearing it deeply in their subconscious at night

amother

Plum

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:22 pm

amother Butterscotch wrote:

ok plum ill try it. I always kiss her gn and tuck her in but I will try the verbalizing out loud

Not sure if kissing would wake up or not
Depends on the child but I usually whisper

I've heard of people who speak to their children before going to sleep and just telling them words of affection in their sleep
I find it so endearing

amother

Slategray

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:33 pm

When my first child started waking at night at 2 1/2, I was also soon at my wits' end. A psychologist told us to take her to the store, let her pick a special thing for her bed (she picked a bunny), tell her it was her "sleep bunny", and that it would be with her at night, but we would not.

And then not go to her at all.

The first night, she cried outside our door for a very long time, we periodically called out, "hug your sleep bunny, we'll see you in the morning."

The second night was 20 minutes.

The 3rd night, she slept through, and she was SO proud of herself! And that was the end of that.

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:42 pm

My 2.5 year old also gets up. Honestly, I just bring her back to my bed and she falls right back to bed. I know most people do not like to do that, but she has always been a terrible sleeper and only transition to her own bed about 6 months ago. She was in my bed until then. She never slept in a crib. I know this is not the sleeping habits most people want, but she did have a medical condition that made it hard to have her out of my sight and she just ended up with me. Bh bh bh bh it's resolved! It was a huge transition to going to her own room. Right now I'm just happy that she starts out in her own bed and that Even though she does get up she goes right back to bed when she is with me or dh. She would fall back asleep if I stayed in her room also but she keeps getting up....I am going to work on her sleeping a full night without getting up and eventually she will get it.

I also have another child who was a terrible sleeper and would get up and scream every night for years.(Was a good sleeper from about age one to age three and then was a disaster for a bunch of years) Eventually bh they started sleeping through the night. I feel for you. It's really really hard but eventually hopefully sooner rather than later she will start sleeping through the night again.

amother

Caramel

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:43 pm

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Molars!!
Scary dreams!
Separation anxiety

These all happen at 2 years old.

Don’t let her cry it out. She needs you. It’s a phase. It’ll get better. It’s also really difficult. Dealing with the same here. But it is what it is! We cuddle in my bed and she goes in and out of sleep some nights.

It's not always a phase that gets better. My 4 year old still gets up multiple times a night. One of my kids didn't sleep through the night till almost 6 years old. They wake out of habit at that point. I didn't get a full night's sleep in many years. It's exhausting.

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:48 pm

amother Caramel wrote:

That's what happened with my child. Started sleeping through the night at 8 again once I figured out that they needed to calm down more and literally forced them to start reading books. They went from being a child who wouldn't touch a book to a HUGE reader who won't put the books down but bh sleeps now.

amother

Whitewash

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:48 pm

It depends how much she understands. I have has children who don't really understand that they can sleep in their bed and mommy will be there in the morning by 2/2.5. I had a very bright child who took only 3 nights to sleep train (my husband held her at 9 months until she fell back asleep) and at 2 asked for a bed and only wanted to sleep there. My current toddler went through a phase around 2 when she wanted to cuddle. I let her fall asleep in my bed and then transferred her. Didn't always work. After about 6 weeks or so I decided to let her cry. Within about 15 minutes she would fall asleep. She was fine the next day. She just wanted to snuggle. She is almost 3 and still loves to snuggle. But now we do it in the morning if I have time. But when I say cry I don't mean hysterics. More like a whining cry similar to a tantrum. If they are scared you go to them. That's my rule.

amother

Caramel

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:51 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

My kids go to sleep with a book every night since they're babies. My 4 year old doesn't have an issue falling asleep bh. He just doesn't sleep through the night. And he only wants me, not DH.

amother

Caramel

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:52 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

You're not nervous to sleep with a closed door? I think it's very scary for a toddler that parents door is closed and they can't go to them at night.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 10:57 pm

lucky14 wrote:

I wouldn’t have the patience to sit by her crib for hours but I’d let her sleep in my bed if that got her to stop.

I do the same but it's a slippery slope and that's why all 6 of my kids have ended up preferring to sleep in my bed. And I get crummy sleep.

ETA at some point each of my kids have been in my bed. Not that I had all six at once in there. Usually by age 5 they stop.

amother

Clear

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 11:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm at my wits end with my 2.5 year old. She was sleeping through the night since she was about 1. The last few months she's been waking up, sometimes multiple times a night and just crying and refusing to go back to sleep.
She used to get a hug and go back to sleep, but she got worse and these days she just cries and cries and doesn't go back to sleep. We end up threatening her, yelling at her leaving her to cry for 20 min then coming back etc.
It's really horrible at 2 and 4 and 5am.
The thing is, its not every night. Some nights she'll sleep straight no problem and then other nights she's up once twice three times.....
My husband is at his wits end and wants to just turn up the sound machine so we don't hear her and let her cry all night until she learns to stop.

In theory I agree-shes 2.5, she's not dirty or hungry or in pain, she's capable of sleeping through the night and I honestly just think she just go into this rut that she wakes up and cries instead of putting herself back to sleep.
The issue is she's an extremely stubborn kid and she won't give in; she'll cry and cry and cry non-stop; my mother's heart just can't imagine letting her scream herself in a dark room for hours.

I'm so torn because its really getting out of control and we're expecting another baby soon and this can't continue.
Any advice?

This is so sad. Poor baby. She is sad and you are yelling at her. What your husband is suggesting is cruel. She is scared and sad. Why are you doing that to her?? Did you check for pin worms? She may be having nightmares. Please change your approach with her.

amother

Amaryllis

Sun, Aug 27 2023, 11:37 pm

Unpopular opinion: just let her cry because it’s clearly a learned behaviour that it gets mommy’s attention. Can’t believe those who say it’s abuse, seriously relax.
Yelling however is a different story-that’s just not going to accomplish anything and just riles her up even more.

imaima

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 2:46 am

amother OP wrote:

1. she may feel the urge to pee without realizing it. Try bringing her on the toilet.

2. worms come out at night.

chanatron1000

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 4:55 am

amother Amaryllis wrote:

It's not a learned behavior, it's inborn, and yes, it is to get mommy's attention, which is something she needs.

amother

Petunia

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 5:09 am

camp123 wrote:

Have you checked for worms.

Please see the pediatrician. Check for strep (perianal as well) and pinwom eggs. If she is getting molars, give her tylenol before bed.
A child who suddenly starts waking after sleeping thru is in pain or had a night mare or night terror...
If she is verbal, you can ask her what is bothering her...did she have a bad dream? See a scary picture? Does she have a boo-boo?
A child who screeches and cries and can't respond probably had a night terror and you need to get them put of bed, maybe a cold compress or something to snap them out of it.
In my experience with lots of kids, night waking and/or night terrors at this age are almost always pinworms, strep or getting molars...
The right meds get them right sleeping thru again...

amother

Orange

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 5:34 am

Learn from my mistakes. I regret letting my oldest cry it out. I can’t believe I was so stupid and heartless. She must’ve been terrified, crying alone in her bed for hours and hours just because I was pregnant and couldn’t be bothered. I wish there was a way I could make it up to her.
Now my fourth is this age and I can let her cry a bit sometimes to tire herself out but I always go after max a half hour. If she refuses to go back to sleep I lay with her until she’s drowsy and half asleep and then put her back, or dh takes her into his bed for a bit.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 5:38 am

amother Petunia wrote:

I agree. There is usually a concrete reason why they wake up. It’s not a habit. Get to the bottom of it. It can also be night terrors after screen time or maybe OP took her child into a busy mall and she was scared of the crowd. It maybe stomach ache because of some food.
My baby is younger and I noticed that she wakes up in pain and has a lot of gas. I am cutting her nightly formula bottle