Comment to DH at restaurant, WWYD?

amother

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:16 am

My FIL flew into town for shabbos so my Dh and him went out to the local kosher thai restaurant for dinner tonight.
Afterwards when I asked my dh how it went, he told me that when he asked about the dessert menu at the end, their waitress responded, “I’m your dessert menu.”
My jaw literally dropped when he told me I couldn’t believe how inappropriate her comment was. My husband is clearly a kollel man but I think her joke is unacceptable regardless.
Wwyd? Would you call the restaurant to complain or just let it go?

amother

Peony

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:20 am

I could be wrong but could she have meant that the restaurant doesnt actually have a physical dessert menu, but she can tell him the options? Or instead of bringing them, she'll just tell him what's available?

106

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:20 am

To me it sounds like she wanted to tell him that she knows the desert menu by heart and she could tell him what there is.

Golde

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:25 am

amother Peony wrote:

That's how I would have interpreted it as well

amother

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:26 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

To me it sounds like she wanted to tell him that she knows the desert menu by heart and she could tell him what there is.

My husband made it sound like the comment was jokingly insinuating something, she also gave my FIL an alcoholic drink for free but told him not to tell anyone so it seems like she was being flirty with them all night.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:36 am

amother OP wrote:

Ye call em up

amother

Impatiens

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 3:55 am

It seems like he misunderstood what she said.
Highly unlikely that she meant what you're imagining...

amother

Anemone

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 5:41 am

very weird
what did FIL say about it?
call the restaurant and make a complaint or better yet have FIL or DH do so

amother

Fern

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 7:06 am

It's always better to er on the sides of caution.
You should definitely call the restaurant, you can say that you're sure it's nothing but in case it is you'll feel much better having reported it.

singleagain

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:03 am

Just so you know, my understanding is that the common prevalence of waitresses. There is an idea that the more free you are the better tip you get.

It could be that she is trying to be friendly and for you but over across some bounds. We can't know since we're not there, but if it bothered your husband enough then he should call the manager and let them know.

justforfun87

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:36 am

She didn't say I am your dessert.... she said I am your dessert menu meaning they didn't have a printed one. Also there is no way your FIL was grouchy and she just randomly brought an alcoholic drink. He must have been chatting with her and she did it as a gesture for a bigger tip.

amother

Gardenia

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:40 am

Op what happened afterwards? Did she proceed to rattle off the dessert menu? Or did she just walk away?

amother

IndianRed

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:46 am

amother Gardenia wrote:

Op what happened afterwards? Did she proceed to rattle off the dessert menu? Or did she just walk away?

This. What happened next?

amother

IndianRed

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:48 am

singleagain wrote:

If she really meant it as “I could be your dessert” even jokingly, it is completely inappropriate in a kosher restaurant.

amother

Snow

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:57 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

If she really meant it as “I could be your dessert” even jokingly, it is completely inappropriate in a kosher restaurant.

This comment is completely inappropriate in a fine dining establishment, kosher or not. Unprofessional! Don’t think this would be remotely acceptable in a non kosher establishment either. Not counting hooters

amother

Starflower

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 8:59 am

I’m your dessert menu is very different than I’m your dessert.

amother

Lightblue

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:00 am

amother Brunette wrote:

Ye call em up

I happen to think your husband read into this the wrong way.

Either way,
It's not illegal to flirt with customers. It doesn't sound like she was harassing anyone. This is pretty typical behavior of waitresses in the non-Jewish world--they want extra $$$ for good service.

Be honored that someone thinks your husband is attractive and move on.

lamplighter

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:01 am

What she meant would be clarified by what happened after the comment.
Did she then proceed to state the dessert options?

Flirting is unacceptable at a kosher restaurant, I'm not saying it ok elsewhere I honestly dont know, the manager should be aware if a waitress was flirting.

amother

Lily

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:05 am

If you weren't there you have no idea if she meant it in a flirtatious way. You also have no idea if your fil and husband weren't the ones who started it.
I wouldn't complain about something that I only know half a story to. Tell your husband to call to complain and see if he is willing to do so.

amother

Azalea

Fri, Sep 01 2023, 9:19 am

I would definitely call the restaurant. Even if she didn't flirt, this is still not a very appropriate thing to say at a kosher restaurant.
I'd call and tell them that I don't think the expression the waitress used is very appropriate & it makes other's uncomfortable.