Meal train - is this inappropriate?

amother

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:41 am

My smallish but growing community makes a lot of meal trains. I've been living here a little over a year and made sure to participate in a few, often by chipping in to a gift card but I did some food too.

I think the standard is to provide 2 weeks of meals after a birth. If it's an illness/hospitalization issue then I guess as needed.

I had a baby a little more than 2 weeks ago but went to my summer hangout instead of back home after. My summer friends provided supper for a little over a week and 2 Shabboses.

Now we're back home and almost a month post birth but I'm having a hard time managing. I'm recovering slowly but feel the need to take it easier. The baby is more demanding than my others were - nothing disastrous bh that would count as extenuating circumstances, but his care is eating up all my time and energy (mild feeding issues plus fussiness) My kids are eating a lot of cereal, macaroni, and frozen pizza. Which is not the end of the world but it is a little lame.

I'm a little bummed that we missed out on the local meal train since we weren't here when the baby was born. I think it's wrong to feel this way because I did get meals from other people instead but I wonder, would it be inappropriate to hint to the coordinators that we would like some help? Or would that be like double dipping or taking advantage since we got already from someone else, and we're past the usual stage that people get without extenuating circumstances?

In particular I had dh make Shabbos last week because he was off for labor day weekend but I'm already worrying how I'm going to make Shabbos this week when he's back at work. I KNOW it's fine to cut myself slack and serve cream cheese sandwiches for Shabbos or whatever suggestions you have. But we've been having that kind of food all week too and it's kind of sad.

I'm thinking I need to just move on and keep the macaroni coming without imposing on anyone else. But thanks for entertaining the idea with me.

amother

Pink

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:44 am

Sorry for your challenge
I wouldn’t do it
Ime it is for two weeks post partum etc
You could check with the organizers if you feel really pressed but I wouldn’t do it
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Blue

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:44 am

Not at all inappropriate - definitely let them know that you'd love meals. Nothing to be ashamed about.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:44 am

Maybe you can ask for one shabbos or a few days? I don’t know how it works but if you participate in making meals I think it’s fair to ask if you can get some meals as you’re having a bit of a hard time.

amother

Oxfordblue

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:45 am

Our community meal train is for anyone struggling for whatever reason not just the week after birth. We’ve done for difficult pregnancies, illnesses, rough time in life etc.. since they never made you one I don’t see anything wrong with asking. Worst case they say they can’t do it.

amother

Natural

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:46 am

If your not managing ask! That is what it's there for!

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:46 am

By the way people here may have ideas for some chicken meals that take just 2-3 minutes to put together, if you’re interested in that. You can also have the kids/dh peal a bunch of vegetables for a big pot of soup and freeze that.

watergirl

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:52 am

I’m just wondering why your husband can’t make a simple shabbos this coming week also and would rather have cream cheese sandwiches.

A weeknight and even a shabbos meal can be as simple as a cream cheese sandwich and almost as simple as frozen pizza. If you can throw pizza in the toaster and take it out, you can also put rotisserie seasoning on chicken, take a bag of prewashed potatos, and put that in the oven. Same effort, different meal.

ra_mom

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:54 am

It doesn't hurt to ask. The worst they can do is say they can't.

Mazel Tov and rest up!

Last edited by ra_mom on Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:55 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:54 am

I had food delivered to me when we had no fridge and oven when we moved to our new apartment. Anything’s a valid reason. Don’t worry. Try it. Meal trains and Bikur Cholim is not just for kimpeturins

happy chick

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 9:58 am

ra_mom wrote:

It doesn't hurt to ask. The worst they can do is say they can't.

Mazel Tov and rest up!

This! Absolutely ask. People don't have to be dieing, r"l to be "eligible" for a bit of help.

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:01 am

Personally I wouldn't ask. It was your choice to not be home and you did get meals from that community.

I would find ways to get more variety in the meals while still being easy/simple. Using slightly more expensive short cuts.

Near East makes rice mixes.

Take chicken out of a package and pour a sauce and bake.

Homemade deli sandwiches.

Can your husband put up a soup in the morning?

What about using your crockpot to cook in? You can make a lot more than cholent or the major companies wouldn't be making the devices! I have made chili, chicken a few ways, stew...

amother

Brown

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:02 am

I wouldn't "hint" at organizers, but letting them know you're having a hard time and asking if it would be possible for them to provide any help would be the appropriate way to do it.
Hopefully they can accommodate

amother

Pewter

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:02 am

OP, you've played your part to help other people. Now let them help you! Dates are irrelevant, your baby is still tiny and you still need the help - you deserve it.

Lehavdil - I had a friend (zl) who had a longterm meal train when she was mid-treatments. She stopped it because she felt people resented helping when she wasn't visibly ill. But she still needed the help! How sad was that 😢

lamplighter

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:06 am

I would just be honest with the coordinators. Tell them you are struggling.
I will say this is a hard time of year for most moms so they may say no or you may have fewer offers.

flowerpower

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:26 am

I think you can tell the supervisor your situation and let her make the decision. It’s a normal question. You’re not taking advantage of it. Go for it!

amother

Winterberry

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:35 am

Op, if you were home and got the two weeks of meals from your community and you needed help still now, would you asl for more help? Or are you just feeling like you missed out and you could use the help. I don't think it hurts to ask and be honest, but I think it helps to be honest with youself that this is a time of transition and you likely won't be bacl to normal after you get these two weeks of help. It might be worth trying to figure out how to manage within your new norm.

amother

NeonYellow

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:49 am

Personally I wouldn’t ask. YT is coming and people have a lot going on. Your kids are fed and fine bH. I would instead use shortcuts and quick supper ideas. Chicken on the bone and rice takes no more than 15 minutes to prep (cook time is longer). Use a salad bag, cherry tomatoes. Baby carrots. Cook double so you have it two nights. What do you normally make for supper? Maybe imamother can help you make those menus quicker.

amother

Orchid

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:50 am

I think a lot depends on if you have take out options locally. In that case, buy some ready made food.

I am not sure what a summer hang out is - a summer home? Just be careful you are not asking a bunch of overworked mothers who may not have a had a vacation at all...

amother

NeonYellow

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 10:58 am

You mentioned Shabbos - I think dd should be making Shabbos for now, on Thursday nights, and buy what you can to make it easier. Chicken soup dh can put up Friday morning before shul and it simmers all day while you’re home with baby. Easy. Buy soup nuts so you don’t have to cook lukshen. Chicken on the bone is easy. Can you buy kugel? Or dh just washes and spices some red skin potatoes and bakes them. Salad or frozen green beans thawed and spiced. Dh can make chulent. Buy deli. Dessert store bought cookies and ices. Buy challah. Mazel tov and enjoy your baby!!