Dd12 so uninspired

amother

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 1:26 am

I'm pretty disappointed that her school isn't doing a better job inspiring her but I guess it's on me just as much. But I noticed over Rosh Hashanah that she seemed totally uninterested and untouched by any of the themes or actions of the day. She was cooperative enough to come to shul with me for shofar and stay for some davening, and left as soon as she could to shmooze with friends outside. Being that there were friends outside to shmooze with, I inferred that the behavior at least was age appropriate. But I'm still disappointed by the lack of feeling. I also hated most of shul at that age but I was still touched by the tuneful parts and had some aspirations for the holiness of the day. I was on board with coming to shul and being there for the highlights even if I didn't have the attention span for serious davening. In contrast when I was trying to coordinate with someone to look after little ones on Yom Kippur so I can go to shul some time with the big ones, dd was like "why bother?" Of course now that it's a day later I have some ideas to answer but at the time I was just too taken aback to reply appropriately. I think I said something like omg and then "because it's the most special day of the year and you're Jewish so it's what you do."

So first of all what can I do to help her feel more connected and inspired if it's not too late?

And secondly is it just dd or do you think I should look into why she isn't getting more inspired from school? Maybe I should consider switching her for high school (her school has upper and lower schools connected)? Or are they probably doing fine in school and she's just not getting it?

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 1:29 am

I honestly feel its totally normal and a personality type 100%
Even at my age with kids and all I still struggle with being inspired and davening.
And my mother made me go to shul every year from when I was pretty young.
It didn't help, just made me hate it more.
It's something that can be attained but not something that can be forced.
Just let her be

amother

Red

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 2:54 am

Don’t try to push her or force inspiration on her. My parents did that to me and it only hade me resentful of the whole aseres yimei yeshiva. I eventually worked on it on my own and found what resonated with me and worked with that. I still don’t share with my family that I’ve found my inspiration because a part of me doesn’t want them to think that they have a right to take any credit for it.