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-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:13 pm
My child was toilet trained for about 6 months. He just discovered that he can get out of the crib by saying he needs the bathroom. But then he dawdles or takes a toy... He doesn't understand a timer or you have to use it and then go back to sleep.
I do put him in the diaper, mainly just in case, but I feel bad making him use the diaper when he's really fully toilet trained and would be uncomfortable.
Experience mommys, any suggestions?
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amother
Birch
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:16 pm
I would make a strict rule that he goes to the BR right before going into the crib and that's it.
True, he prob will end up going in his diaper here and there, but after a few days of you being strict hopefully he will stop using this tactic.
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amother
Eggplant
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:16 pm
I stop the crib before toilet training so that they can learn to listen to their body's cues at night and come get me if they need, and eventually independently use the bathroom at night. I think you need to bite the bullet and move on.
How old is your child?
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amother
Maroon
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:17 pm
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Can he not climb out the crib anyway?
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Sewsew_mom
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:18 pm
I don't have advice, but my kids are out of a crib as soon as they are trained. And yes. That means sometimes at a young age of newly 2.
One of the less fun stages. But it passes. And they don't come out as much as you think.
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solo
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:20 pm
| amother Birch wrote: | I would make a strict rule that he goes to the BR right before going into the crib and that's it.
True, he prob will end up going in his diaper here and there, but after a few days of you being strict hopefully he will stop using this tactic. |
Oy! This advice seems so harmful. I think it might just be time to move him into a bed
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amother
Orchid
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:20 pm
I'd physically hold my child's hand to bring to the bathroom, stay by the door and hold hand to the crib. Make it simple, but stick to it. Child will get the message that bathroom time isn't play time.
Once your kid is a little older you can count down one minute (or however time you think he'll need) and he'll have to be in bed by end of countdown.
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amother
Gray
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:22 pm
He's probably at the age where most kids climb out of the crib anyways..
I'd make bathroom trips very boring. Minimal lights, you take him so there is no taking toys or wandering off.
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mushkamothers
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:29 pm
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If he uses the toilet he's old enough for a bed.
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amother
Lightpink
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:38 pm
| amother Birch wrote: | I would make a strict rule that he goes to the BR right before going into the crib and that's it.
True, he prob will end up going in his diaper here and there, but after a few days of you being strict hopefully he will stop using this tactic. |
This is terribly unfair to your child.
Op, if your child is old enough to be toilet trained it’s unfair to keep them in a crib, they need to be able to go to the bathroom easily and it’s time for a bed.
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amother
Lightpink
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:38 pm
| mushkamothers wrote: | | If he uses the toilet he's old enough for a bed. |
Yes! This!!
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amother
Lightpink
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:39 pm
| amother Birch wrote: | I would make a strict rule that he goes to the BR right before going into the crib and that's it.
True, he prob will end up going in his diaper here and there, but after a few days of you being strict hopefully he will stop using this tactic. |
I’m so disturbed by this advice. Oy:(
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amother
OP
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:02 am
For all those saying I should move him to a bed, can you please explain how that would help?
So let’s say he’s in a bed. He says he needs the bathroom, leaves his room, and starts playing with a toy, or practicing his hopping skills, or anything else he can procrastinate with. Now what?
He’s a harder kid in general, so just telling him he can’t play won’t work. He also doesn’t like being watched in the bathroom, and like a good man he takes his time….
I really don’t think he needs the bathroom. This happens before he falls asleep, not in middle of the night. Plus, before he discovered this trick, he was dry throughout the night almost every night. And he doesn’t even want to go first thing in the morning!
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amother
Pear
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:04 am
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I carry mine, put on the toilet, and carry back. This way there are no options of dawdling or touching anything.
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amother
Lightpink
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:04 am
| amother OP wrote: | For all those saying I should move him to a bed, can you please explain how that would help?
So let’s say he’s in a bed. He says he needs the bathroom, leaves his room, and starts playing with a toy, or practicing his hopping skills, or anything else he can procrastinate with. Now what?
He’s a harder kid in general, so just telling him he can’t play won’t work. He also doesn’t like being watched in the bathroom, and like a good man he takes his time….
I really don’t think he needs the bathroom. This happens before he falls asleep, not in middle of the night. Plus, before he discovered this trick, he was dry throughout the night almost every night. And he doesn’t even want to go first thing in the morning! |
It’s not a matter of helping ( although long term it will help) It’s a matter of the right thing to do. If he is independent enough to use the bathroom that you as the parent need to give him a bed. As kids get older we need to transition them to the next stage. A bed is appropriate for a toilet trained toddler and a crib is unfair for him. It’s appropriate to transition him today. Hatzlacha!
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amother
Pear
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:06 am
| amother OP wrote: | For all those saying I should move him to a bed, can you please explain how that would help?
So let’s say he’s in a bed. He says he needs the bathroom, leaves his room, and starts playing with a toy, or practicing his hopping skills, or anything else he can procrastinate with. Now what?
He’s a harder kid in general, so just telling him he can’t play won’t work. He also doesn’t like being watched in the bathroom, and like a good man he takes his time….
I really don’t think he needs the bathroom. This happens before he falls asleep, not in middle of the night. Plus, before he discovered this trick, he was dry throughout the night almost every night. And he doesn’t even want to go first thing in the morning! |
You can set rules. Once it’s bedtime I take you to the bathroom you go quickly and back to bed. Just pick him up and put him in, you don't have to give in to him wanting to play. He'll get the routine if you stick to it.
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amother
Pear
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:08 am
| amother Lightpink wrote: | | It’s not a matter of helping ( although long term it will help) It’s a matter of the right thing to do. If he is independent enough to use the bathroom that you as the parent need to give him a bed. As kids get older we need to transition them to the next stage. A bed is appropriate for a toilet trained toddler and a crib is unfair for him. It’s appropriate to transition him today. Hatzlacha! |
My toilet trained kids sleep in cribs, they call me for the bathroom and I take them. There are other options you don't have to move a kid to a bed just because they are trained.
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amother
Lightpink
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:31 am
| amother Pear wrote: | | My toilet trained kids sleep in cribs, they call me for the bathroom and I take them. There are other options you don't have to move a kid to a bed just because they are trained. |
It’s not fair to your toddlers that they need to call you for help. Would you want to be stuck in a crib while you need to go the bathroom and fully reliant on an adult to come fetch you? Give your kids the independence to take care of themselves. It’s much healthier for them.
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taketwo
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:52 am
It sounds like you're thinking in terms of short term instead of long term. It's easier in the short term to keep him in a crib than to train him how bedtime works. Bedtime is a time for sleep, not play, we stay in our beds with the lights off until we fall asleep. It's easier to keep him in a diaper then to show him that going to the bathroom after bedtime is just that. You go to the bathroom then you go back in your bed.
You need to do the hard work now to train him for the long term. Eventually he'll have to be in a bed and stay in, out of his own will. Eventually he will have to sleep without a diaper too. Do the work now, so you won't have to do it when it'll be harder and not so age appropriate.
Tell him he is a big boy, big boys sleep in big boys beds and big boys know bedtime is for sleeping. For a few nights every time he leaves, in a business like tone you repeat it again "big boys know bedtime is for sleeping" and you take him back to his bed. You repeat as many times as you need to. Never with emotion, just business like. It may be 25 times the first, second and even third night, but I guarantee if you be consistent, eventually it will stick. He'll see it's not even fun and youll be way better off for the long term.
Same applies about bathroom. You hold his hand, gently but firmly, walk him to the bathroom, then when he is done walk him back. You may have to repeat many times initially, but eventually he'll learn its no fun.
Little disclaimer; how old is your son? You haven't mentioned his age. If he is very young and just trained super early, like 18 months, this may not apply. My suggestion was based on the assumption he is somewhere around 3 years old.
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