I'm Ashkenazi and married Sefardi AMA

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:23 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Me too! Was it a hard switch for you?

Hi! Love finding other mixed couples Wink

I usually say no. But the longer I'm married the more I discover certain challenges. Hbu?

SG18

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:33 pm

Same!
What's an Ashkenazi food that you introduced your husband to and he loves? And a food from his upbringing that you love?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:36 pm

How do your kids view themselves and how do they grow up identifying with ?
This is a funny question, if you were doing vice versa (if you were a man) would you feel it would be easier or harder?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:41 pm

I assume year round you daven in a sefardi shul (unless he has decided to daven Ashkenazi shul) are you able to do that as well on RH and yom kippur

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:41 pm

SG18 wrote:

Same!
What's an Ashkenazi food that you introduced your husband to and he loves? And a food from his upbringing that you love?

Hi there!

DH was pretty aware of Ashkenazi foods because of his time in various yeshivos. I'll take credit for introducing him to good leafy salads. His mother made the more traditional sefardi ones.

Although this is a bucharian food, he introduced me to bachsh. I also like chryme, moroccan salmon. I'm sure there are many others. Sefardim make some pretty delicious foods!

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:47 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

How do your kids view themselves and how do they grow up identifying with ?
This is a funny question, if you were doing vice versa (if you were a man) would you feel it would be easier or harder?

Good question.

Our kids are too young. I imagine they could go either way, but DH will definitely want them to identify with sefardi. I think a lot depends on where we end up living too. I'll keep you posted Wink

Oooo that's so tough! I think I am more shocked by sefardi women that marry ashkenazi men. Although, that's not really your question.

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:48 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

I assume year round you daven in a sefardi shul (unless he has decided to daven Ashkenazi shul) are you able to do that as well on RH and yom kippur

I appreciate a lot of things about sefardi davening. It's so beautiful. I manage quite well. I do miss the ashkenazi tunes from my youth though.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:50 pm

I am sefardi and married sefardi, but my mother is ashkenaz so Im the result of a "mixed" marriage Wink

Do you follow rav ovadia for psak halacha? What type of community do you live in?

Boca00

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Hi! Love finding other mixed couples Wink

I usually say no. But the longer I'm married the more I discover certain challenges. Hbu?

Not so much, I wanted to marry sephardi and thought it was so cool 😎

But also my mother in law is an Ashkenazi from NY and the kids went to Ashkenazi schools so it’s not so different for me.
What kind of challenges came up later?

amother

Tanzanite

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:06 pm

OP, are you my daughter, LOL ? She is also Ashkenazi married to Moroccan/Tunisian Sefardi
Hiding

Boca00

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Oooo that's so tough! I think I am more shocked by sefardi women that marry ashkenazi men. Although, that's not really your question.

Interesting! Why are you shocked?

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:23 pm

amother Hotpink wrote:

I am sefardi and married sefardi, but my mother is ashkenaz so Im the result of a "mixed" marriage Wink

Do you follow rav ovadia for psak halacha? What type of community do you live in?

Yes we do, overall. We live in very mixed community in the tristate area. I find that there aren't enough Moroccans here to have a "Moroccan Shul." It's more a mix of sephardim. Many many of our friends are ashkenaz.

What was it like for you growing up with an ashkenaz mother and sephardi father? It'll give me a glimpse into my kids perspective.

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:27 pm

Boca00 wrote:

There are so many cultural differences! Switching food, nusach tefillah, shuls etc. were a total non-issue for me.

What I'll touch on isn't necessarily exclusive to sephardi culture, but this is my experience. There's definitely a difference in terms of the role of a mother/father, general distrust of medical system (although lately that's definitely spreading further), some chinuch differences. I'm sure there are others that aren't coming to mind right now.

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:28 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

OP, are you my daughter, LOL ? She is also Ashkenazi married to Moroccan/Tunisian Sefardi
Hiding

Hahahaha that would be funny! I've never spoken to my mother about imamother. Would be pretty surprised if she was on her to be honest.

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:34 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Interesting! Why are you shocked?

I think sefardim have a much richer culture... hope that isn't offensive to say, ashkenazim Smile

There's a lot more traditionalism here that I find it hard to imagine a sefardi girl marrying an ashkenaz guy. I mean, unless she davka wants that. Although, most sefardi girls I know are dead set on marrying sefardi, while my ashkenaz friends are pretty open. I don't know... as I'm typing, this is making less sense to me LOL

Boca00

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Makes sense. I’m not really experiencing that but like I said, my husband is only half sephardi.