S/o not enough food served at in laws

amother

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:13 pm

I read through the other thread about the mil not serving enough food. I have a slightly similar story. My teen aged daughter thinks I do not serve enough food for the seudahs. I cook simply, but in large quantities. She prefers smaller quantities, with a large array of dishes. For example, a Friday night menu for me would look like this: challah, soup, chicken, rice or roasted potatoes, a kugel, fresh salad, and one dessert. I make large amounts and there's always leftovers. She feels like that's not enough food and wants more than one main dish, more side dishes, and more than one dessert option. I don't know where she has these high expectations from!? What would you expect going to someone's house for a Fri night seudah? Am I just totally off base?

amother

Ivory

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:15 pm

I think you make a normal amount if its just your family at home! your daughter is unreasonable. you can always tell her to cook or make a dish she likes if she wants more options.

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:15 pm

Is this for menu you're serving for your own immediate family or are there guests as well?

Do people nosh afterwards, or are they full and sleepy?

Is she the only one that comments? Is she the oldest?

zaq

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:29 pm

Your menu is perfectly normal even if you're having company. Tell your dd that you think a wider selection of foods is a great idea; since she came up with it, you are going to allow her to "own" it by letting her shop for and cook all those extra dishes she wants served. And to clean up after cooking them too, of course.

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:30 pm

I'd add fish to the menu, especially if you have company over or if your kids request it.
I take in to consideration my families food preferences. I'm cooking for them, I want them to eat it and be happy with the food. I appreciate their opinions.

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:51 pm

Rubber Ducky wrote:

It's time for your daughter to learn how to cook.

I think that kids should be able to voice their opinions to their parents without being told "you can cook on your own." This isn't a warm response from a mother. It shows that kid that her mother doesn't care about her preferences.

tinyspark

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:54 pm

You dont need to make more but there are some salads like corn salad, cabbage or chatzilim that is not so expensive and if it will add to her shabbos joy let her make it.

amother

Hunter

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:54 pm

Teens are old enough to begin to learn what goes into making a seuda and if she wants more she can take it on
It’s easy to critique from the sidelines
It is validating to be given encouragement to step up and allow her to contribute

amother

Zinnia

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:57 pm

If your serving the same main and sides (you wrote kugel and salad - that's already multiple) for all 4 meals then you need to change things up.

But a full course, and both kids and adults can chose not to eat one dish and still get full is amazing.

My mom is gourmet cook and her typical meal is fish and dips, soup with veggies, main and kugel.
A day meal has a veggy salad instead of the soup and veg at the main course and generally a potato starch. Dessert is 1 item. We (the married) tend to send dessert so she can concentrate on the expensive protiens, so there is a options, but it is 1 per meal.

amother

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:57 pm

So that's what I would serve for my family or if we had guests. If we had guests I would obviously cook more chicken, rice, etc than I would if it was just us. My daughter will cook, but it's usually the little patchky things that don't actually add to anyone's belly if you know what I mean. No one complains about being hungry and everyone else is pretty happy. Guests will stay and hang around, they are not running off. She just seems to have an idea in her head what we are supposed to serve, what it's supposed to look like, etc. She is the oldest and we often clash on these types of things.

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

If she's happy to cook those things, then let her go ahead and patchka. It makes her feel good about herself, that's a win situation.

amother

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:59 pm

tinyspark wrote:

You dont need to make more but there are some salads like corn salad, cabbage or chatzilim that is not so expensive and if it will add to her shabbos joy let her make it.

She doesn't want to make those type of practical things. I would love it if she would! She wants to make complicated fancy things.

Ihatepotatoes

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 10:59 pm

"What would you like me to add for example? Oh, so I have these specific dishes that Abba and the rest of the family eat, tried and true, so I stick to them. But let's choose a few things you'd like to add and I'll help you prepare them if I have time. I admire your taking charge of this"

amother

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 11:01 pm

amother Zinnia wrote:

For the day meal we have ar least 2 new sides, in addition to 2 new salads and the chulent

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 11:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

She doesn't want to make those type of practical things. I would love it if she would! She wants to make complicated fancy things.

If she wants to make them herself and isn't asking you to do it, why do you care? This can give a girl a real boost in confidence.
My mother never let us in to the kitchen, I love to cook & bake but I almost never had a chance to do so. It took me time to get used to my girls being in the kitchen and me not commenting or criticizing. It makes them feel so good when they cook or bake.

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 11:09 pm

We make different dishes for each meal. I wouldn't want to eat the same chicken for 4 meals even if there were new side dishes.

What's holding you back from allowing her to make the patchke things? Is it money? Mess?

amother

Ivory

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 11:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

She doesn't want to make those type of practical things. I would love it if she would! She wants to make complicated fancy things.

like what?

amother

Orchid

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 11:24 pm

I totally understand your daughter.
My mother would make a lot of ONE salad. There was plenty for everyone to have. But she didn’t do dips or a lot of sides, and I wished she would have. It just isn’t the way MOST people serve and so your daughter is uncomfortable with it. If she is willing to take responsibility for the extras and it makes her happy, and it is reasonably in your budget, I would allow her to do it. (In my mother’s house it was OUT of the question to EVER raise a disagreement. And she did not want to make more things even if we took responsibility.)

(On the other hand, I went to my in laws and there can be 10 dips but not enough for everyone to have some of each.)

tichellady

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 11:31 pm

You are not off base. That’s totally normal. Some people like to make a lot of dishes and that doesn’t have to be your things. You can tell her “ I really hear you, but I don’t have the time or energy but if it’s important to you you are welcome to contribute more.” Or maybe if you have the energy you can make one extra thing to show her you hear her.