Abused as a child AMA

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:09 am

I grew up with religious, physical, and emotional abuse. Ask me anything but be gentle please. Smile

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:10 am

Were you abused by members of your household or by people living outside your immediate family?

amother

Steel

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:12 am

Did outsiders try to help? Were they helpful? What would you say is the best help you could have gotten in the situation?

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:14 am

amother Sapphire wrote:

Were you abused by members of your household or by people living outside your immediate family?

My parents

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:15 am

amother Cognac wrote:

What is religios abuse

“Religious abuse is abuse administered through religion, including harassment or humiliation that may result in psychological trauma. Religious abuse may also include the misuse of religion for selfish, secular, or ideological ends, such as the abuse of a clerical position. ”

amother

Cognac

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:16 am

amother OP wrote:

can you describe an example how it could pertain to Jewish religion?

Was this something you were aware of before getting married. How were you sure it would happen with your husband?
Did you tell him about it before hand?

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:19 am

amother Sapphire wrote:

What kind of emotional abuse?

I was humiliated, made to feel like a terrible person, not given any love, threatened, manipulated, not allowed to show emotions, sharing feeling meant being made fun of, etc. I can go on and on…

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:20 am

amother Steel wrote:

Did outsiders try to help? Were they helpful? What would you say is the best help you could have gotten in the situation?

No unfortunately not. My mother is a complete narcissist and outsiders thought everything was perfect in our family.

The best help I received is therapy as an adult. I wish I started sooner.

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:24 am

amother Cognac wrote:

This wasn’t from my husband. It was from my parents. I did not tell him before we got married because I did not realize the extent of it. I thought I was passed it as I was no longer a child living home.

Examples include beating for accidentally hitting a light on shabbos, withholding food/water until completing religious tasks even when sick, controlling behaviors in the name of tznius, controlling food intake in the name of kosher, etc.

amother

Steel

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:26 am

At what age did you become aware that the way you were treated was not normal? How did you become aware?

amother

Starflower

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:27 am

What type of physical abuse?
Did both your parents physically abuse you?
When did you realize that your parents were problematic?

amother

Steel

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:28 am

amother OP wrote:

No unfortunately not. My mother is a complete narcissist and outsiders thought everything was perfect in our family.

The best help I received is therapy as an adult. I wish I started sooner.

If someone would have known, maybe a close relative, do you think they could have done something to help you?

amother

Cognac

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:29 am

amother OP wrote:

sorry typo meant ti say wouldnt happen from your husband meaning not scared to get married est it happened again

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:36 am

amother Steel wrote:

At what age did you become aware that the way you were treated was not normal? How did you become aware?

Different parts at different ages. Physical abuse I realized the earliest. Probably at around 9 years old. Hard to remember exactly. I remember as a young child always wishing I had different parents but I don’t know if I looked at my situation as not normal since it was my reality. I can’t recall any specific situation that made me aware… I think it just became logical to me as I got older that this wasn’t normal or ok. Again this is talking about physical. Emotional and religious I realized as an older teenager.

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:38 am

amother Starflower wrote:

What type of physical abuse?
Did both your parents physically abuse you?
When did you realize that your parents were problematic?

Beaten with hands, belts, shoes. Kicked. Locked out of the house (intentionally). Physically restrained.

Both my parents.

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:40 am

amother Steel wrote:

If someone would have known, maybe a close relative, do you think they could have done something to help you?

There were some relatives who knew a little bit but not the full extent. They felt bad for us but did nothing. Unfortunately speaking to my parents would have gotten nowhere so the only option would have been removing us from their care but I don’t think they realized it was that bad.

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:42 am

amother Steel wrote:

Do you think foster care is a solution for kids that are getting abused?

Yes. I can’t say for sure because I obviously did not experience that but I dreamed of it. I contemplated calling CPS on my parents but I wasn’t sure if they would find the abuse and I was terrified of the repercussions from my parents when they would find out I called.