Going to my SIL for second days

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:37 pm

Any tips for being a good guest? Going with 5 kids
eta
Staying at her house not just for the meals

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:39 pm

Offer to bring something
Make sure your kids are quiet in the morning and in the afternoon if it's rest time
Clean up after your kids
Enjoy

amother

Aqua

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:40 pm

amother Floralwhite wrote:

Offer to bring something
Make sure your kids are quiet in the morning and in the afternoon if it's rest time
Clean up after your kids
Enjoy

More than just "something." She's bringing a large family with her.

NechaMom

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:43 pm

Bring a game plus food.
Help serve and clean up after each meal.
Make your kids be careful and respectful of their toys and stuff.
Enjoy!

Chayalle

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:46 pm

From someone who hosts alot:
Don't leave your possessions all over the place. Keep your things in your room as much as possible.
Supervise your kids. Ensure they know boundaries, don't let them open closets/cabinets/etc. without permission.
Offer to help (set/clear etc...). If your help is not wanted, don't insist on it. (I happen to like to do certain things myself, and don't appreciate guests who insiste on "helping" me when I decline.)
Respect possessions and space of your hosts and their kids. If there's something they don't want to share, don't push it.
If host appreciates it (I do), strip linen before leaving. Take out all your garbage.

amother

Tulip

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:48 pm

URHL wrote:

buy a hostess gift for her!
She's the one who is doing all the hard work!

This for sure. More important than bringing food.

Show her your appreciation.

And do try to help as much as possible.

My least favorite thing as a hostess was having my guests' children roam around while my guests slept in. Don't do that.

amother

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 5:51 pm

Im coming from overseas, so wont be able to bring food.
I would like to get her an expensive gift, maybe even a gift certificate to a local home store or a beauty parlor...
Thanx for the advice, to be honest most are common sense like stripping the beds and cleaning after myself and kids
Thanx for the tips...
I host many times too, but I wanted to see if my expectations are the same as others...

URHL

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 6:03 pm

I actually just had my sil for first days and I thought it was thoughtful that she brought/bought the specific things she needed/wanted.
I asked her in advance if she wanted anything and she said no but there's a certain coffee she drinks that she brought with her.
I would have been happy to get it for her but thought it was sweet that she didn't want to put me out.

amother

Butterscotch

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 6:09 pm

Im a pretty gracious and flexible hostess in most areas, but I can not stand when my guests sleep in or take afternoon naps and leave their kids to be supervised by me.
also if your baby smeared the highchair tray full of sticky food that will crust over by the time I notice it, please just wash it off yourself.

lamplighter

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:46 pm

Babysit one night so she and her husband can have a date night/some quality quiet time.
We had a guest do this and it was the best hostess gift ever.

Otherwise, clean up after your kids, help clean up after meals and either you or your husband should be around at any time that your kids are around.

amother

Dill

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 9:49 pm

As someone who just hosted a few Sils first days- please please clean up after your kids and keep on top of them!!!!
Don’t watch your host constantly clean and sit in the couch saying “I’m sorry I should’ve done that”
It’s obviously hard to clean up someone else’s kitchen, but toys and garbage and sweeping and bringing things in from the sukkah to the kitchen are not hard.
Please pick up after you change your kids, wipe down the high chair after using it… basically recognize that if you don’t do it, your host will have another thing to do

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:04 pm

Constantly offer to help. Help and clean up UNTIL she leaves the kitchen. When all the food is put away, and the dishes are done and the floor is swept, then you’ll know there is nothing left to do.

Be a partner in the prep and clean up of meals. She will want you back!

mig100

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:06 pm

amother Butterscotch wrote:

This sounds reasonable even for an easygoing host. you sound like a really great host

amother

Peachpuff

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 10:18 pm

Just got back from my SILS with 5 kids and I was a great guest- I was already invited back for next time!

It does help that I don’t have babies or little kids that constantly make messes.

I did a lot of the cooking. Helped serve and clean up. Kept her kids busy by reading books and playing games so she can rest or prepare. Bought her a small gift. Stripped all the linen and started the loads for her. Complemented her profusely. We enjoyed each others company!

amother

Snowflake

Wed, Oct 04 2023, 11:04 pm

I know everyone is gonna say that I shouldn't be a guest but BH I have a bunch of little kids and when I come to my inlaws it's really hard to be on top of them the whole time.. husband in shul and I'm nursing.. trying to put some kids for naps, I literally cannot keep up with cleaning everything every second. At home when I finish putting the kids down I clean off the food, toys etc.
Of course me and my husband help as much during meals etc, strip linens but other things are really hard on me

amother

Arcticblue

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 2:38 am

My SIL came for pesach and it was a pleasure.
Neither of us have really little kids.
She was up at a decent time every morning to help me set the table and supervise the kids.
She swept after every meal.
She helped with the cooking/ baking. If I didn't need help, she took the kids to the park to let me cook alone and/or have a break.

We didn't spend every day with them- they did some day trips on their own. The days that we weren't together they fed their family at a restaurant and didn't expect me to cook for them.

We all had a great time.

imaima

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 2:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Any tips for being a good guest? Going with 5 kids
eta
Staying at her house not just for the meals

Discuss with dh in advance that he should be hands on with kids and chores

amother

Lily

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 4:01 am

I recently flew in from Israel and stayed by my sil. I think the most important thing I did was make sure to take care of our own dinner every night (besides for shabbos). And I told her in advance that wed do our own dinners so she didnt have to worry about that. We either ate out or I bought some prepared stuff from the grocery and we ate at a park. Also made sure to help with her kids - right after bathing my baby, I bathed hers. Also made sure to keep cleaning up the living room and playroom (wether it was my kids or her kids mess). And of course strip linens, help cook, serve, etc

amother

Raspberry

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 8:51 am

Everyone here saying to strip linen - I had guest do that without asking and I was very upset. My cleaning lady comes at the end of the week and she does linen so it was just sitting around on the floor all week. Do make the beds. I had guests leave the blankets rumpled and hanging down to the floor.
My guests slept in every morning and then took a nap every afternoon leaving me to deal with their rather annoying toddler after I did ALL of the cooking, cleaning, serving, clearing. They commented on my parenting/ mood/ etc. They/ their kids damaged or dirtied things.
OP, just behave the way you would want your guests to behave. And definitely don't come empty handed. Bring a gift or a toy for the kids or whatever.