I wear a shpitzel, AMA

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 9:12 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

Isn't your hair supposed to be hidden from the public eye and saved for your husband? Why do chassidic women shave their heads?

It’s complicated. We all know it’s not Halacha and since I’m not educated enough in this area I don’t feel like I can answer this since I don’t wanna give anyone false info.
Here’s what I know.
It started a few hundred years ago in Europe. I don’t even know why! I know that in Europe some rabbanim came out against it and some said it’s a must.
I know that not all my grandmothers shaved in Europe. But after the war the chassidish rabbis enforced it very strongly.
Since I am part of this community I like to do what is considered the norm. Do I think anything will happen if I won’t shave? No. But again it’s not hard for me and I have no reason to stop.
I’ve heard it’s become common amongst the girls getting married now not to shave. That’s what my young cousin who just got married told me.
She was surprised that I shave

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 9:25 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

This is embarassing, but could someone explain what a shpitzel actually is?

Nothing to be ashamed of . I wish I didn’t know what it was…(joking)
You wear a silk scarf over a piece which is the actual shpitzel. I think it’s made out of silk I’m not even sure. It’s supposed to look like a wig/hair, but it doesn’t Smile

not even close.
Although I do get comments here and there from non Jews “oh that is such a nice way to put your hair up when it rains”
I was also once at a Hermes store to purchase a new scarf. Another customer there wanted step by step instructions how to do it, she loved it lol

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 9:30 pm

amother Tangerine wrote:

Did you grow up very sheltered?
How were your Kallah classes? We’re you shocked? How much of an education did you get?
What’s your bedroom life like??

My family is actually pretty open minded. Now for everyone it means something else but no I don’t think I grew up very sheltered at all.
I always related very well to the secular world and always had people I was close with from that side of the world. There was almost nothing I didn’t know.
I grew up on a block with lots of non Jews and we actually played together all day! Till mid teens when we went our own ways.
I can tell you that the bedroom lives of women in my community is the same as people anywhere else.

amother

Azalea

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 9:37 pm

watergirl wrote:

Since this is AMA - and I am asking nicely and respectfully, but I say this a lot here and I really would love an answer - why is it ok to say LH about a women who changes her head covering? There is zero halacha to wear a shpitzel, but there are many halachos about lashon hara. Why is LH accepted to the degree that it's used as a tactic to prevent change?

Who decides the tactics? There’s a committee of Rabbis brainstorming in meetings thinking about tactics to use to prevent change? Oh let’s appoint gossipers on every street in town to prevent change.

In an insular community, when someone does anything unique they may feel uncomfortable to be different. Some people love to be unique and that’s great but not everyone is like that.

Let’s say in your family everyone has blonde hair. All your siblings, your parents, grandparents going back five generations. Everyone in your community knows about the blondie family. One day your sister comes into the house with bright purple hair. I don’t know about you but I would be shocked and think or say ‘what happened to you’. There’s nothing wrong with purple hair but when it’s unexpected people will look and maybe talk. It’s a gut reaction. As yidden, we should try to overcome our natural instincts. I don’t think it’s fair to say that in OPs community loshon hara is ok. That’s saying loshon hara on an entire community lol.

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:25 am

amother Seagreen wrote:

Do you live in Williamsburg? There is one exceptionally pretty woman with a shpitzel whom I see from time to time... wondering if that's you... Very Happy

Probably not me Smile

I don’t know if I’m exceptionally pretty. And I know I’m not the only pretty woman with a shpitzel in Williamsburg

amother

Clear

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 12:34 am

watergirl wrote:

It seems like you are hijacking this thread. I'm sorry but she started a thread about her shpitzal.

amother

Latte

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 2:14 am

amother Seagreen wrote:

Do you live in Williamsburg? There is one exceptionally pretty woman with a shpitzel whom I see from time to time... wondering if that's you... Very Happy

This made me chuckle. I wear a shpitzel and I’m told I look beautiful too, as do my siblings. Granted there are many women that I know that live in wmsbg and look absolutely gorgeous and put together in a shpitzel.
I agree with a lot of what the op is saying. I had to go back and chk ur mothers age to make sure you are not my sister.
To the poster who wrote that there are many who look downright Nebby.. I believe that these pple wld not look too much better in a different head covering. With a little makeup and a nice scarf that’s neatly tied, most shpitzel wearers do like more than just decent.

amother

Oleander

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 2:28 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

Did you grow up very sheltered?
How were your Kallah classes? We’re you shocked? How much of an education did you get?
What’s your bedroom life like??

What does any of this have to do with a shpitzel?

amother

Oleander

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 2:33 am

amother Clear wrote:

It seems like you are hijacking this thread. I'm sorry but she started a thread about her shpitzal.

It seems it was a question in direct reply to OP saying that part of why she wouldn't change her hair-covering is because people willtalk. I has the same question too (why is choice if hair covering more important than not talking LH?)
But anyhow, the matter was closed

Explorer

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 2:40 am

amother Holly wrote:

I give you a lot of credit for wearing a shpitzel. Even if the reason is because you need to fit in the family/community you live in. I'm from the same situation but insisted on different headgear when I got married. It was definitely a big deal inthe family/ community when I did it.. I respect everyone that can do it.I couldn't and definitely had repercussions. But don't regret because it was not for me.

I do have a pet peeve. No, not everyone that wears a shpitzel looks regal and beautiful and eidel. Many look not pretty, slovenly, nebby. Some look neat. Some look bad. Majority don't look good in shpitzel. Al least, let's give these amazing women credit for wearing a shpitzel because the family/community requires it. Don't belittle their mesiras nefesh. Most do not look their best but sacrifice their looks because this is what's demanded from them. It's real mesiras nefesh. They deserve all the credit.

The minority that look beautiful and regal just got lucky. They deserve credit too but it's a but easier when you look good

There lots of ppl that look good in a shpitzel, and I can tell u it doesn't make u feel like u dont want a sheitel cuz u look good in a shpitzel... still a very big nesoyen...

amother

Jasmine

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 3:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Probably not me Smile

I don’t know if I’m exceptionally pretty. And I know I’m not the only pretty woman with a shpitzel in Williamsburg

How often do you bind your shpitzel? Do you bind it every time you put it on, or are you able to slip it on and off?

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 3:43 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

How do you feel about people changing to a shpitzel? Are you admiring it or are you more like “why oh why are you doing this to yourself”?

I don’t really admire it but I don’t think she’s crazy for doing it. If she wanted it then she did the right thing for herself. So no I don’t look up to such a person nor do I think “why are u doing this to yourself”.
If anything I’d admire her courage. Because changing the way you cover your hair whether it’s from a wig to a shpitzel or the other way around, is a very big deal. People don’t just change.
I wish things were different but this is how it is where I live

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 3:46 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

How often do you bind your shpitzel? Do you bind it every time you put it on, or are you able to slip it on and off?

Every single time when I put it on!
It’s another major downside of wearing a shpitzel. I tried slipping it on but it doesn’t work. It’s very loose and messy.
I think ten times before I leave my house.
Life is tough

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 3:51 pm

Explorer wrote:

There lots of ppl that look good in a shpitzel, and I can tell u it doesn't make u feel like u dont want a sheitel cuz u look good in a shpitzel... still a very big nesoyen...

True! The place where I do my waxing there’s a non religious Jewish woman working there and every time she sees me she says “this is how a Jewish woman is supposed to look!”
It bothers me a little. I feel like it’s so easy for her to say it. She has beautiful hair and doesn’t dress modestly etc.
I feel weird when she says it