Immature neighbor upset that not invited to wedding

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amother

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 9:33 pm

We live in an apartment building with many personality types. One couple was insulted that they were not invited to the wedding and the husband cornered us in the hallway and yelled at us. So we finally relented and invited them. Did that make them happy? No. The man cornered us again one evening and yelled at us that his wife was insulted that we didn't invite them originally so his wife isn't coming because she's very sensitive about these things. I prefer if he doesn't come as well, but he doesn't get it.

By the way, most of the people in our building were not invited.

Just venting.

amother

Midnight

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 9:35 pm

What is the age of these people?

Ema of 5

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 9:36 pm

Mazal tov!! I’m so sorry you have to deal with this right before your child is getting married. I’m sure there is already enough stress as it is! I say just put it out of your head.

essie14

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 8:14 am

They're clearly socially off. I wouldn't give it another thought

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 12:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

There are all types and who knows what goes on in their minds. Did they do some special favor for you and feel this is a slight? Is this normal behavior from him?

In any event no one wants to go to their childs wedding with this on their heads. I would call the wife and keep it really simple.. (and avoid him...) , tell her with the current situation, we need Shalom between us all - more than ever. If they felt slighted, you apologize, making a wedding is so complicated etc. You understand she feels hurt but there was obviously never an intention to hurt. Budget being what it is, you had to keep the list smaller than you would have liked....who knows why Hashem wants you to be in a position to apologize to the woman, but there might be more here than meets the eye.

chocolate moose

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 8:48 pm

I would be that neighbor. how can you not include the people you live with? at least include them in a kiddush or chuppah. or sheva brachos. no one likes to be left out.

amother

Bluebell

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 8:51 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I would be that neighbor. how can you not include the people you live with? at least include them in a kiddush or chuppah. or sheva brachos. no one likes to be left out.

You would corner the baalei simcha and yell at them twice? Or you would be hurt but get over it?

Maybe there are 100 units in her building? Even 20 units x2 is 40 extra people. Feeding 40 people even just shmorg food is a ton. Since when do we have to include everyone in the building?

chocolate moose

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 8:54 pm

I WAS bROUGHT UP to include everyone. and yes, I would have said something. I would not have yelled though.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 8:57 pm

There is something really off about these people. You did what you could. Focus on your simcha.

amother

Bluebell

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:06 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I WAS bROUGHT UP to include everyone. and yes, I would have said something. I would not have yelled though.

I would not want somebody to spend more than they can afford to, beyond their means, so I can feel included, even if I don’t know the baalei simcha aside from sharing a roof. Who am I to demand an invitation from anyone?

BH a million times no one did that to me. We can’t afford to invite more than the basic closest friends and family.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:10 pm

And I would be relieved not to be invited to a simcha by people who I barely knew.

For what purpose? To get dressed up in uncomfortable clothing and eat mediocre food?

It is different of course when you genuinely care about the people.

And in answer to the original post, I can not dream of any circumstance in which I would confront a casual acquaintance or neighbor regarding my lack of invitation.

Why would I expect them to spend money to have someone they don't really care about attend - for what purpose?

Simple1

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:14 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I WAS bROUGHT UP to include everyone. and yes, I would have said something. I would not have yelled though.

Same here. Although I wouldn’t say something because I’m not the type to. But maybe I’m not one to comment because we have a very small extended family. I sent invitations to the whole neighbor list and just a small percentage showed up. We really truly appreciated each one who did come.

Cheiny

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:21 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I would be that neighbor. how can you not include the people you live with? at least include them in a kiddush or chuppah. or sheva brachos. no one likes to be left out.

I actually think it’s shamefully nervy to think it’s an obligation to invite them just because they live in the same building! What does that have to do with being a friend, close acquaintance, or anything else? What if people can’t afford to invite every neighbor?

This is disgusting.

#BestBubby

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:24 pm

Neighbors should be invited to chupah and/or
Simchas chosson kallah

amother

Tealblue

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:27 pm

I have over 200 close relatives just on my side of the family. You can imagine how difficult it gets by weddings when there’s a limited amount of space and seats and not everyone can be invited.

By my wedding we had 500 guests. After relatives and very close friends of my parents and the usual “must haves”, I was allowed to invite 25 of my own friends. My husband got to invite zero (from his parents allotment) and I gave the 25 to him. My mother disinvited a few good friends so I could use those seats instead. I’m sure they were very insulted.

Not everyone can be invited to weddings, you have no clue what goes into that specific wedding and there are always reasons behind a decision. If I don’t get invited to a wedding even if I think I should, no big deal. I’ll go say Mazel tov at the beginning or end, and that’s it. To say something to them and put them on the spot like that, embarrassing them and making them uncomfortable about something that’s already so stressful, is uncalled for and rude.

Simple1

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:34 pm

Just to clarify I don’t feel others are obligated to invite me. It’s just how I feel when I make a simcha. Most people only come if they feel close, so it personally for us worked out to over-invite. But I understand it can’t work for those who have larger lists. What Best Bubby said - partial invites is also a good solution.

OPs neighbor seems needy or lonely. I would’ve just told her she’s welcome, to be nice, but as I said that could just be me.

amother

Apple

Tue, Oct 10 2023, 9:38 pm

I would not invite for meal but definitely send invite for chuppah/kabalas panim/simchas chosson and kallah...most ppl only show up if they are close anyways...

naomi2

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:00 am

You invited some neighbors and not others and that's insulting. How hard is it to send everyone an invitation for the chuppa? Even over the phone or I'm a public place

amother

Lemon

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:06 am

naomi2 wrote:

You invited some neighbors and not others and that's insulting. How hard is it to send everyone an invitation for the chuppa? Even over the phone or I'm a public place

invite for the chuppa???? could someone explain never heard of this

#BestBubby

Wed, Oct 11 2023, 12:54 am

Invite to chuppa or simchas chosson kallah.

If you don't get return card. Not invited for sit down dinner.

But welcome to kabbolos ponim. Chupah

Simchas chosson kallah, dancing.

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