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-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Oct 15 2023, 12:57 am
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This has been going on for the past few weeks. 3 yr old ds wakes up every night around midnight and comes into my bed. He says he’s scared so I let him sleep with me. Tonight I carried him back to his bed and stayed next to him for a few minutes but the second I got up he started crying like crazy. I brought him back to my room. What am I supposed to do?
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amother
Papaya
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 8:58 am
I had this with my DD she was older. (6) she was never a great sleeper at some point she started coming to our room every night. She was really scared.
For a while we tried to get her to go back to sleep in her room but she would just get hysterical.
So we put a small mattress in our room & she would go there.
I realized that my reactions of frustration & anger were exasperating her anxiety so I started being extremely calm with her in the middle of the night. She would wake up & come to our room & sleep there the rest of the night. I saw a difference in her after I was calm for few days.
But she was still coming every night. After a few weeks of this I made her a chart to incentivize her to stay in her room. It was very hard for her but I started small 1 consecutive week with a big prize. It took a few try’s but she got it. She was old enough for me to discuss with her how hard it was but to show her that she was able to do it.
For a long time (1 yr) we did this. She mostly stayed in her bed unless she had a very scary dream or there was a storm.
After about a year someone told me about the Safe & Sound protocol based on work by Steven Porges. I did it with her & bh she’s doing so much better. She was hypersensitive to sound so she wasn’t sleeping well. It’s been about 6 months since we did it & bh she’s doing so much better.
I’m going to post this as amother because so many ppl know this story.
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amother
Catmint
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 9:28 am
I'm reading your post thinking I must have posted this at some point in semi-consciousness.
Anyways, I just let him sleep next to me. If you share a bed with your husband, that could be a problem. We don't, so I'm fine with it. I don't love the idea, but I'll let it ride for a bit and see if he stops.
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amother
Fern
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 10:57 am
| amother Papaya wrote: | I had this with my DD she was older. (6) she was never a great sleeper at some point she started coming to our room every night. She was really scared.
For a while we tried to get her to go back to sleep in her room but she would just get hysterical.
So we put a small mattress in our room & she would go there.
I realized that my reactions of frustration & anger were exasperating her anxiety so I started being extremely calm with her in the middle of the night. She would wake up & come to our room & sleep there the rest of the night. I saw a difference in her after I was calm for few days.
But she was still coming every night. After a few weeks of this I made her a chart to incentivize her to stay in her room. It was very hard for her but I started small 1 consecutive week with a big prize. It took a few try’s but she got it. She was old enough for me to discuss with her how hard it was but to show her that she was able to do it.
For a long time (1 yr) we did this. She mostly stayed in her bed unless she had a very scary dream or there was a storm.
After about a year someone told me about the Safe & Sound protocol based on work by Steven Porges. I did it with her & bh she’s doing so much better. She was hypersensitive to sound so she wasn’t sleeping well. It’s been about 6 months since we did it & bh she’s doing so much better.
I’m going to post this as amother because so many ppl know this story. |
Did you use a specific website or something for the safe and sound protocol? Looks very promising for both me and my child!
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amother
Strawberry
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 11:21 am
Yep I had this exact same thing. went on for monthes. I finally bribed him with a toy. working really well
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amother
Papaya
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 12:14 pm
| amother Fern wrote: | | Did you use a specific website or something for the safe and sound protocol? Looks very promising for both me and my child! |
I did not do it myself. I went to a therapist who does it.
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amother
Fern
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 1:20 pm
| amother Papaya wrote: | | I did not do it myself. I went to a therapist who does it. |
In monsey by chance?
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amother
Valerian
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 2:34 pm
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I have the same thing with my 2.8 year old. She goes to sleep nicely but then wakes up every few minutes, till I get fed up and take her into my bed. I'm thinking if I should sleep in her room for about a week so she will feel safe in her own room and not need to wake up every few minutes. Or is it a terrible idea?
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amother
Papaya
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 3:04 pm
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amother
Tuberose
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 3:45 pm
I guess I'm the odd one out but I don't see the problem.
My 5 year old dd often comes into mine (or dh's) bed. I don't mind. She will outgrow it eventually on her own. My 9 year old ds also used to come into our room and we never made a big deal of it. Eventually it petered out and he stopped on his own.
I'm happy I can provide for my child that sense of security and comfort.
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amother
Papaya
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 3:54 pm
| amother Tuberose wrote: | I guess I'm the odd one out but I don't see the problem.
My 5 year old dd often comes into mine (or dh's) bed. I don't mind. She will outgrow it eventually on her own. My 9 year old ds also used to come into our room and we never made a big deal of it. Eventually it petered out and he stopped on his own.
I'm happy I can provide for my child that sense of security and comfort. |
Often & every single night with anxiety is different.
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amother
Mustard
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Sun, Oct 15 2023, 4:25 pm
I know someone who does safe and sound protocol online.
Speechcenterin.com
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amother
OP
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Mon, Oct 16 2023, 9:21 am
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So I bribed him with a lolly last night. Told him if he stays in his bed the whole night he gets a lolly in the morning. Didn’t work. He came into my bed at midnight again, and then had a tantrum in the morning that he still wants his lolly. Maybe he will be more motivated tonight 🤦♀️
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aria3578
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Thu, Nov 09 2023, 11:23 pm
I’m having that issue now with my 20 month old. Been going on for a while. Probably since beginning of September.
I sleep with dh and 3 ppl in one bed gets very uncomfortable.
My baby still keeps waking up thruour the nt next to me. I feel lk my sleep training went down the drain
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