Husband doesn't like name and I understand

amother

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:10 pm

Lots of baby names threads today so here's mine.
I'm currently dealing with a very very rough pregnancy that has come after a long struggle with infertility and mental health issues. Before I even got a positive pregnancy test, a name popped into my head and I knew I would have that gender and I would give that name. We just confirmed gender and I told DH about the name. He refuses to give it.
Now here's the thing. The name I want to give would be in addition to his grandparents name and I would only call baby by grandparents name. The name expresses all my gratitude to Hashem. But the additional name is unheard of in our circles. Think of an MO child called Volvy or a very chassidish child named Ariella. So I understand his pov but I desperately want to give this name. Also, my grandparent just passed and I can't name after them but the name I chose happens to have a very similar meaning. I'm so torn.

amother

Electricblue

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:15 pm

Other than at baby naming really who in the community with give the middle name a second thought…can you push that point a bit?

amother

Topaz

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:19 pm

I think he should be a little more understanding if it’s not a name that will be called and likely no one besides the child would even know it was a part of their name (unless it’s a boy and is gonna be announced at the bris)

If he still won’t budge I’d wait until after the baby is born, there have been names I had pop up and was absolutely sure was meant to be and then I’d meet baby and realize it just didn’t fit. And arguments I had about it were for nothing

Another option might be to find an alternative with a similar meaning that you both are okay with

amother

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:19 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

Other than at baby naming really who in the community with give the middle name a second thought…can you push that point a bit?

He will be the one actually standing up in shul and naming the child and he feels embarrassed

amother

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:21 pm

amother Sand wrote:

Bshaa tova!
Is there a name with similar meaning that’s more accepted in your community that could be meaningful to you too?

Amen! Not really. There's one with a similar meaning but I can't give that because we already have a relative with that name (parent/grandparent)

amother

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:22 pm

amother Topaz wrote:

Even for a girl, they announce the name. I definitely shelved the argument when I saw how agitated he got but it's on my mind a lot.

amother

Cantaloupe

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

He will be the one actually standing up in shul and naming the child and he feels embarrassed

If you both feel very strongly on your positions in a little while then speak to a Rav. I’m assuming you still have time if gender was just confirmed. Don’t harp on it now. Give it some time ….

amother

Buttercup

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:29 pm

Can you ask him to think about it, consider it because it means a lot to you?

With our oldest, DH really wanted to give a certain name and I really didn't like it. But we discussed it, discussed alternatives, researched it.. in the end, I warmed up to it and after she was born, it just fit her perfectly so we went with it.

bshaah tova

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 11:01 pm

Hi op
We had decided on a name we wanted to give our son and after he was born it just didn’t seem right. I can’t explain it but this name that we kept saying we loved just felt very lukewarm and we named him something else.
Perhaps once the baby is born you will both gain some clarity.
Bsha tova

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 5:57 pm

Hi OP, I have a funny story. A friend told me about a time where she really connected to the name Chazak after hearing her baby's heartbeat. She really wanted to name her baby Yecheskel. Her baby was not Yecheskel. For me, my son was born 2 days after Rosh Hashanah. I really connected to the name and the meaning of Melech. My baby's name is not Melech. I think there's these names that connect to our children's spiritual make-up but do not necessarily represent the name they're called. Like the names of Moshe.

amother

Pear

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 6:05 pm

Ask a rav. I know someone who wanted to give a name after a very hard pregnancy and delivery. Her husband didn’t want to give the name but agreed to ask their rav who told him to give the name his wife wanted. The child had a very unusual name in the community she was born into. I don’t know if your rav will say the same but at least you’ll have some clarity knowing you asked.

amother

Diamond

Tue, Jan 09 2024, 4:56 am

I don't know, giving a child a name that's unusual for the community can be embarrassing for the child forever, especially if you're not naming after someone. Can you think of a middle ground that has the meaning you want but DH likes?

Also like others said, once the baby is born you might feel differently anyway.

For my last son I had a name chosen from the beginning, he was born and it wasn't his name. Now I'm expecting again and still very attached to that name I had chosen - we'll see if it's a boy if I'll actually get to use it this time!?

imasinger

Tue, Jan 09 2024, 6:59 am

My quick first reaction.

The embarrassing moment in shul is over quickly, then it's yesterday's news.

The name lasts a lifetime.

Is there anything you can bribe DH with (shall we call it bargaining instead?) to help him get over his fear of embarrassment?