My 8 yo acts like he's 2. For real.

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amother

Tue, Oct 17 2023, 11:58 pm

My 8 year old is smart and funny. He's so cute and I love him to pieces. But...

He's also impulsive and immature, and often acts like a 2 year old (but worse).

I have problems leaving him alone. When I go to the bathroom or put my baby to bed, I come back to him having colored on the tablecloth in pen, made the tablecloth all wet by submerging something into a cup of water, or a huge mess of crumbs/papers/toys on the floor. In ten minutes.

He gets VERY upset when he doesn't get his way and shrieks SHRILLY such that it hurts my ears. He hits his siblings randomly, for no reason, often, and also when they bother him (normal sibling bothering). He doesn't respond to natural consequences, most punishments, or bribes. The only way I can get him to do something is by threatening to potch him, which I do nearly every day because I need him to get basic things done (get dressed/go upstairs/pick something up etc).

When I ask him to do his homework, he'll suddenly be so thirsty. But he won't go to the sink to fill up a plastic cup of water, which he can easily reach. He'll say he's too thirsty to move and make a dramatic show of falling off his chair in thirst. If he doesn't do the thirsty act, then he'll do the tired act - I take out his homework and he lays downs on it like he's exhausted.

However. He's an angel in school. He does very well, his rebbi/teachers love him, he knows the material, he listens and pays attention.

I am literally at my wits' end. I don't know if this is ADHD or ODD or something else?

How can I approach this?

(Note: I've asked my pediatrician about this. She gave me a form to evaluate him for ADHD. She sent one for the teachers too, but I don't want to give it to them if there's no problem from their end. I don't want to put something in their mind to bias them against him.)

amother

Peachpuff

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:16 am

Sounds a lot like ADD/ADHD. The right medications can be a game changer. Good luck!

thegiver

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:30 am

To me this sounds normal Smile

I’m exhausted but try to picture him in 10 years time. Instead of meds try a lot of physical touch, praise and exercise. See if that helps. Try to reduce the sugar intake to zilch.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 4:29 am

I am no expert I also have a challenging 8 year old who I most probably will bring to a therapist one of these days.
Have you tried giving choices instead of directives? Do you want to do your hw with my help or without my help. With me ok so sit down nicely.
Can you put water on the table before you sit down to do the hw to avoid any thirsty drama. Natural consequence for be being too exhausted for doing his hw let him not do it and go to sleep and get reprimanded from his teacher.
The yelling can you say I will only listen to you when you ask nicely and keep to it.
Hitting others… I wont let you hit and hold his hands tightly. If ur not safe you need to b in your room until you are safe.
Its hard im ready to giveup myself my strategies aren’t working on my ds he just tantrums like a 2 year old when he doesn’t get his way. And I read so many books tried so many things but I think its time for me to take him to a behavioral therapist.
Good luck and hopefully our kids will learn better coping strategies.

amother

Ballota

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 4:44 am

If he is doing well in school and acting out at home, it doesn't sound like ADHD. It sounds like he is looking for more attention from you, or more stimulation at home.

amother

Freesia

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 5:17 am

amother Ballota wrote:

If he is doing well in school and acting out at home, it doesn't sound like ADHD. It sounds like he is looking for more attention from you, or more stimulation at home.

I beg to differ. Some kids can hold it together in school. The pressure is so much that when they come home they go the opposite extreme.
It can only be helpful to just do the evaluation. You can take or leave the results of the evaluation, but why not do all you can to possibly help.

Having more than one ADHD child and an one with ASD, I am talking from my own experience. It will be more harmful and cause them more suffering if there is something and you missed it than if nothing.
There are so many factors to why your child can be acting like this besides their own need helping. Could be something in the house or outside, but I don't feel from what your are saying that his acting is age appropriate.

I wish you the best of luck. If you are in Israel, I am happy to help you if I can. I have been in the system a while and dealing with these systems. (I would take myself off anonymous if you need my help and need to pm me.)

Best of luck.

amother

Canary

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 5:23 am

he sounds like my 9 yo. She was like this at 8. She has (severe) ADHD. Meds were a game changer for her and me. Now she can be off of them and is usually ok.

imasinger

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 5:28 am

Would teachers really be that suggestible (or clueless)?

If I'm trusting them to educate my child, I'm trusting them to answer a questionnaire honestly, and not think worse of my child because I'm worried.

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 6:21 am

amother Ballota wrote:

If he is doing well in school and acting out at home, it doesn't sound like ADHD. It sounds like he is looking for more attention from you, or more stimulation at home.

I'm with you and will add that he most likely needs a better connection with you. I'd suggest seeing a therapist who works with attachments.

English3

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 7:13 am

As a teacher I completely disagree with you. If this child is an angel in school I would gladly fill out the form and think the mom is overreacting and forget about the next day. But if he is a challenging child I would silently sigh a sigh of relief and think finally....

oneofakind

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 7:14 am

Totally attention seeking. Make him your project. Special time before bed, praise anything he does that is halfway good, make him in charge of something, teach him a skill and praise him to the sky.

amother

Daffodil

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 7:42 am

[quote="amother OP"]My 8 year old is smart and funny. He's so cute and I love him to pieces. But...

He's also impulsive and immature, and often acts like a 2 year old (but worse).

I have problems leaving him
He gets VERY upset when he doesn't get his way and shrieks SHRILLY such that it hurts my ears. He hits his siblings randomly, for no reason,/quote]

How do you deal with the shrieking? Looking for advice with my dc that shrieks as well. It is so hard to deal with adhd behavior

Is this something new? Maybe pandas?

mushkamothers

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 8:12 am

Are people seriously giving you parenting advice here. You need a neuropsych evaluation.

amother

Daisy

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:07 am

My son shrieks also randomly it’s so annoying BH he stopped with the hitting and power struggles- we worked very hard especially on myself not to get into a power struggle- I wld give him 2 choices - bath with 20 min reading time or shower with 40 min reading time- he wld be ok with those. Once in awhile if extremely overtired and stressed he wld go berserk and I wld leave it and let him take bath in the morning instead. He’s been calmer in general - giving lots of love and positive attention helps so much.
Also get ur son a watch so he can see the time and keep track of things.

amother

Daisy

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:10 am

mushkamothers wrote:

Are people seriously giving you parenting advice here. You need a neuropsych evaluation.

Maybe yes maybe not- my son does the same with the dramatic fall on the floor saying he’ll faint from hunger or pass out from exhaustion. He’s doing amazing BH with no medication

lamplighter

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:21 am

He needs an evaluation. This is classic ADHD. Can he also use more attention and choices and positivity? Sure but do yourself and your son the biggest favor and get him evaluated.

amother

Papaya

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:22 am

Sounds like my son with HF ASD.

amother

Oldlace

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:34 am

My 6 year old is majorly impulsive and has a low threshold to frustration (think kicking and screaming on the floor for an hour because I told her to put her shoes on).
We took her to OT and they told me she retained reflexes from infanthood. It can affect behavior, academics and sometimes mimic ADHD. To be honest, I think they discharged us too early, but I definitely saw a difference. She still has toddler style temper tantrums, but they are less frequent, less intense, and shorter. She is still crazy impulsive. When we talk after she tells me she has no clue why she hit, threw, ripped someone's drawing, etc but that she couldn't control herself. I am trying to get her back into OT for treatment using MNRI specifically (connected to retained reflexes).
She used to have focus issues in preschool and uses a sensory wedge it was a game changer.
I am debating if she's ADHD, but hoping OT helps.

amother

Wine

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 10:02 am

You don’t need to get the teacher involved in order to get evaluated for ADHD. There are psychiatrists that will do an evaluation just based on seeing the child and what the parents describe. Try someone else.

Phoebe31

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 10:19 am

I would speak to the school, see if he is exhibiting problematic behaviors and then see a specialist to get a proper evaluation. This is not regular behavior, an 8 year old knows not to color on a tablecloth, etc.

Your son sounds very similar to my daughter and also similar to how I was growing up, very mature at times and then acting extremely immature at others. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago, she exhibits some signs for ASD as well but masks very well.

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