Don't we all need Group therapy every Parshas Bereishis?

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 11:23 am

Ok, I'm a little late for this, but I definitely believe that past triggers can be revisited, processed and validated.

I'm hardly the type to know what parsha of the week it is, let alone what is being discussed; but as I was helping my 8 yr old daughter with her parsha homework last week, I read about The Curse of Chava, as her sweet young teacher had described it; 'having difficulty with raising children'.

I gasped, seeing the original sin and retribution on paper; the catalyst for much of the suffering of womanhood!
I say this in jest, but truly, I am deathly serious about this. Correct me if I am wrong in thinking that every single girl or woman would do well with some therapy every year, after we pack away our machzorim from a long, intense month-- only to be confronted with a proclamation of our destiny of Tzar giddul bonim, and all the pain and longing and suffering that it entails.

I say this as a woman who has bh been blessed with several beautiful children. (who compete with who can 'push my buttons' the fastest Cool

) I also say it as a mother of a stillborn child, and as a woman currently very grateful to be pregnant- with a high risk and heavily medicated and monitored pregnancy-- which I can only pray will result in a healthy baby.

But really I say it for all of us Jewish women, and our multitude of struggles in this area. As descendants of Chava, who I am positive was greater and holier than we can envision in our most vibrant imaginations.

But, as a friend once put it-- 'When Moshiach comes; I just don't think I'll be able to look Chava in the eye.'

Perhaps some therapists on here would be able to facilitate this annual group therapy that I am humbly suggesting? Thoughts?

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 11:44 am

I don't know if this was a humorous post or not.

if it was meant as humor, excuse my serious answer.

honestly, no, I don't feel this way. yes I joke about it every once in a while. but to really feel like its chavas fault that I couldn't look her in the eye? if it wasnt her, it wouldve happened to us anyway. everything that happens is min hashamayim. was she the messenger? yes. but it wouldve happened with or without her.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 11:44 am

amother OP wrote:

Im sorry but that is not what I learned the curse was.
It was having painful childbirth.
Why would a teacher make up something else?

amother

Oleander

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:00 pm

Yesss I need so much more education on this topic! I don’t think I ever learned bereishis in depth, if anything it was Chumash class in early elementary when we weren’t learning deeply.

I think of chava every time I’m nauseous, cramping, can barely move in bed, peeing fifteen times a night, peeing on stitches, having painful s-x for the first time postpartum, nursing five times each night in the middle of the night while my husband sleeps carefree. What the heck. And why was her and our punishment so severe. Men’s life are so easy compared to the roller coaster of symptoms we go through when we get our periods, are on birth control, are pregnant, are postpartum or nursing.

I really really don’t understand and would love to hear more in depth analysis of the sources and of what in the world happened there.

ETA went anonymous because I talk about this way too often irl

Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lemon

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:04 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Im sorry but that is not what I learned the curse was.
It was having painful childbirth.
Why would a teacher make up something else?

Did you tune your teacher out after you learned one of Chava’s curses?? There were a lot more than just one! Tzaar Gidul Bonim was definitely one on the list.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:13 pm

amother Lemon wrote:

Did you tune your teacher out after you learned one of Chava’s curses?? There were a lot more than just one! Tzaar Gidul Bonim was definitely one on the list.

I have never heard this. I just asked my husband. He also never heard this.

How many curses did chava get?

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:26 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

Honestly? I'm kinda joking. But also not.
I'm not saying it wasn't meant to happen. But it's 'funner' to blame, is it not? We really do suffer so much in all shapes and forms-- The least we can be allowed to do is vent.
I put this under entertainment, 'cuz I hoped it would be entertaining.

And yes, I'm in therapy Wink

For other stuff.

amother

Peony

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:30 pm

I heard a speech the other night from Rabbi Yisroel Grossberg. He was comparing what we go are going through now with the war in Israel to the, "birth pains of Mashiach". And explaining that just like birth is so painful and difficult and yet so beautiful, that's really our world today.

So I think Chava's curse is really here to teach us something on a deeper level. Like yes we go through birth and it's painful. And we go through pregnancy and raise children and it's all so painful and difficult. But also so, wouldn't-trade-it-for-the-world amazing. And maybe it's there to teach us that in the post-sin world, there will be a lot of suffering, and it will be so painful, but yet there's a purpose to it and we can tolerate it knowing that it's bringing great things.

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:31 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Im sorry but that is not what I learned the curse was.
It was having painful childbirth.
Why would a teacher make up something else?

Tzaar gidul Bonim includes it all. From painful and yucky or non existent periods, to women's issues, hormonal issues, infertility, difficult, dangerous and lost pregnancies, nausea, weakness, weight, difficult and special needs kids, regular difficult kids, OTD kids, Kids with mental health issues.

I can go on. It's all one package.

And yes, we love our kids. But the struggles are many.

amother

Rainbow

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:35 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

I have never heard this. I just asked my husband. He also never heard this.

How many curses did chava get?

She got 2 but they can be put together as 1.
1. subservience to her husband
2. painful child bearing

Although a woman suffers tremendous pain while birthing children, she has such a strong desire for
s-x and marriage that she doesn't stop it although it's painful.
That's how the man rules over the woman

amother

Tuberose

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:37 pm

This therapist can definitely not be of help facilitating support, as I need some myself. After one particularly challenging pregnancy, I went into a real rage against chava post birth, where expletives may yes or may not have been used. I felt so guilty after that, I went and named my baby chava. She is an absolute delight with the most charming molten chocolate eyes and I have no regrets 🤣

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 12:48 pm

amother Tuberose wrote:

Lol, you crack me up Laugh

Hashem is kind in that He curses, but also sometimes compensates. My intense, super difficult and high maintenance kid is also very beautiful, super bright and charming.